Assertiveness

Assertiveness. Mature communicational behavior in which the person does not attack or submit to the will of other people, but rather expresses their convictions and defends their rights

Summary

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• 1 Definition
• 2 Communication styles
• 3 Why?
• 4 Assertive rights
• 5 Recipe-ideology to gain assertiveness
• 6 Sources

Definition

As a communication strategy and style , assertiveness differs and stands somewhere between two other polar behaviors: aggressiveness and passivity (or non-assertiveness). It is usually defined as a mature communication behavior in which the person does not attack or submit to the will of other people, but rather expresses their convictions and defends their rights. Other authors define it as: “the ability to express our wishes in a kind, frank, open, direct and appropriate way, managing to say what we want without threatening others. Negotiating with them its fulfillment”.

It is a form of conscious, congruent, clear, direct and balanced expression, whose purpose is to communicate our ideas and feelings or defend our legitimate rights without the intention of hurting or harming, acting from an inner state of self-confidence, instead of limiting emotionality. typical of anxiety, guilt or anger.

Communication styles

There are three basic styles of communication differentiated: by the attitude they reveal towards the interlocutor: passive, assertive and aggressive.

• Passivity, or no assertiveness. It is that style of communication typical of people who avoid showing their feelings or thoughts for fear of being rejected or misunderstood or offending other people. They underestimate their own opinions and needs, giving a higher value than those of others.
• This style of communication is situated on a plane opposite to passivity, and is characterized by the overvaluation of personal opinions and feelings, ignoring or even despising those of others.
• It is that style of communication open to the opinions of others, giving them the same importance as their own. It starts from respect for others and for oneself, posing with security and confidence what one wants, accepting that the position of others does not have to coincide with one’s own and avoiding conflicts in a direct, open and honest way.

A fourth communicative style is often spoken of, the passive-aggressive. It consists of avoiding conflict through discretion, avoiding situations that may be uncomfortable or facing others with excuses, false forgetfulness or delays, among other means. Thus, they do not assume the need to assert their own rights (passivity), although they are not receptive to those of the other party (aggressiveness).

Why?

• Assertiveness allows you to say what you think and act accordingly, doing what is considered most appropriate for yourself, defending your own rights, interests or needs without attacking or offending anyone, or allowing yourself to be attacked or offended and avoiding situations that cause anxiety.
• Assertiveness is an intermediate attitude between a passive or inhibited attitude and an aggressive attitude towards other people, which, in addition to being reflected in spoken language, is manifested in non-verbal language, such as body posture, gestures or body gestures , in facial expression, and in voice. An assertive person is usually tolerant, accepts mistakes, proposes workable solutions without anger, is self-confident, and peacefully restrains people who verbally attack them.
• Assertiveness prevents us from being manipulated by others in any way and is a decisive factor in preserving and increasing our self-esteem, in addition to valuing and respecting others reciprocally.

Assertive rights

Assertiveness starts from the idea that every human being has certain rights:

• Right to tell the truth.
• Right to be treated with respect and dignity.
• Sometimes the right to be first.
• Right to make mistakes and take responsibility for your own mistakes.
• Right to have your own values, opinions and beliefs.
• Right to have your own needs and that they are as important as those of others.
• Right to experience and express one’s own feelings and emotions, taking responsibility for them.
• Right to change your mind, idea or course of action.
• Right to protest when you are treated unfairly.
• Right to change what is not satisfactory to us.
• Right to stop and think before acting.
• Right to ask for what you want.
• Right to be independent.
• Right to excel, even surpassing others. (Castanyer: 1996: 48)
• Right to be recognized for a job well done.
• Right to decide what to do with one’s own body, time and properties.
• Right to do less than what is humanly capable of doing.
• Right to ignore the advice of others.
• Right to refuse requests without feeling guilty or selfish.
• Right to be alone even when other people want our company.
• Right not to justify oneself to others.
• Right to decide whether or not one wants to take responsibility for the problems of others.
• Right not to anticipate the needs and desires of others.
• Right not to be aware of the good will of others.
• Right to choose between answering or not.
• Right to feel and express pain.
• The right to discuss a problem with the person involved and, in extreme cases in which the rights of each are not entirely clear, to reach a viable compromise.
• Right not to behave in an assertive or socially capable manner.
• Right to behave in an assertive or socially competent manner.
• Right to do anything as long as the rights of another physical or moral person are not violated.
• Right to have rights.
• Right to waive or make use of these rights.

Recipe-ideology to gain assertiveness

1. I can change my mind. I have the right to make mistakes because the trial-error pattern is inscribed in my biology (rectifying is wise).
2. I see reality according to my own semantic nuances. There are no failures but results. There are no obstacles but opportunities. Fear is what my brain secretes when I don’t decide or when I don’t solve a problem.
3. I watch over prioritizing my goals without getting entangled in the accessory, enjoying the here and now without references to the past (guilt) or the future (concerns).
4. I affirm my wishes or feelings, instead of manipulating others. I decide for myself as much as possible, because I try not to delegate my affairs in the hands of others. First I center everything and then I prioritize everything.
5. I celebrate what I do, feel or think, without being consumed by what I lack. I am content with more or less, rather than “all or nothing”. (Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans – JWLennon).
6. I am the only judge of myself. Making them respect me is more important than liking me. I nurture my self-esteem with conscious self-acceptance, balanced feelings, and diligent work.
7. I resolve instead of procrastinating. I am confident in my abilities. I do not regret or detract from my efforts, but act immediately without looking back. If I get stuck, I redefine the frame and see the “different” landscape of possibilities.
8. “A man only possesses what he cannot lose in a shipwreck” ( Hindu proverb ). I have the minimum to possess the maximum. I do not own anyone and no one does.
9. I turn everything in my life, every circumstance, setback or problem, into an opportunity to grow and learn. I seek to balance my conscience, my feelings and my drives.
10. All philosophies and almost all religions provide coordinates to locate the vital path, with meaning and significance. In almost all cases, these coordinates are truth and love. In this sense, being assertive is being virtuous.