It is a parenting style in which parents make an active effort to understand their child’s feelings and motivations, demonstrating empathy and respect and maintaining clear boundaries.
From a gentle parenting perspective, behavior is a form of communication, and any feelings associated with it should be accepted. Children have their own emotions, and gentle parenting encourages adults to empathize with those emotions, help the child calm down if needed, and then discuss how the child felt and why he or she behaved in a certain way.
What principles is gentle parenting based on?
Empathy
This is element. Even well-intentioned parents often belittle or ignore their child’s emotions and experiences. This makes them feel like they don’t matter and that their opinions don’t matter.
Gentle parenting encourages adults to be sensitive to children’s experiences and try to understand the reason for behavior before reacting to what is happening.
Borders
It may seem that gentle parenting excludes discipline and that undesirable behavior of the child goes unpunished. This is one of the main prejudices associated with this style of upbringing. In fact, everything is not so.
There is a significant difference between no discipline and no punishment. Gentle parenting is based on respecting boundaries that are established through joint discussion and determination of natural consequences. In this approach, discipline for parents means the opportunity to help the child learn a lesson on his own and understand why his behavior is unacceptable. For example, a natural consequence of not brushing your teeth is bad breath, and later, cavities.
In this way, gentle parenting is strikingly different from other approaches, where punishment is not always directly related to the offense, for example, parents take away a teenager’s tablet because he is being insolent.
Gentle parenting encourages setting boundaries that promote a healthy, stable family environment and create a loving atmosphere. The limits of what is acceptable may vary from family to family, but it is assumed that they are always based on communication between parents and children and discussion of mutual expectations. For example:
- A child is allowed to spend a certain amount of time each day with a tablet. One day, he extends this time without asking. But instead of punishing him, the parents ask how many hours he thinks he should spend on the gadget and why, and together they come to a reasonable decision.
- A teenager constantly invites friends over for sleepovers. The parents explain why this is not a good idea, pointing out the natural consequences, such as lack of sleep and time to do homework . The family decides to take a break and temporarily stop the sleepovers to establish rules for how they will operate.
Respect
In gentle parenting, adults are not authoritarian figures for the child. And the child should not respect “parents in a vacuum.” This means that mom and dad need to ensure that they communicate with their son or daughter in an encouraging and respectful tone, and not in a condescending and dismissive one.
The easiest way to show respect is to listen to your child when he speaks, ask questions, and only then respond.
Understanding
When a child feels listened to and understood, they are much more likely to turn to their parents when they encounter difficulties. Moreover, with this approach, children will be more willing to listen to adults and follow their rules.
Some manifestations of childhood and teenage character can be very difficult to deal with. You can explain to a child day and night why he is wrong, having spent all your energy, and he will still throw a tantrum. At such moments, you need to remember that the child’s behavior is not a direct reflection of upbringing. An important aspect of gentle parenting is to understand the peculiarities of children’s development at different ages and not expect them to behave maturely beyond their years. The job of mom and dad is to be there and try to establish close, trusting relationships with their son or daughter.
Should You Apply the Principles of Gentle Parenting?
Of course, only you can decide how gentle parenting is right for you and your family. However, it is a rather interesting parenting style that has advantages:
- It helps the child develop self-confidence, independence, stable self-esteem and strong emotional management skills.
- Teaches the child empathy by helping him understand how his actions affect his parents.
- Gives parents the opportunity to motivate their child by helping them solve problems and guiding them on the right path.
- Improves social skills and clearly shows the child how to effectively interact with others.
- Strengthens family relationships, makes communication easier and reduces the number of conflicts.
On the other hand, gentle parenting has its downsides. It is a time-consuming approach because adults need to develop patience and try to really understand the child. They will have to give up their usual parenting methods and learn new ones.
Gentle parenting does not encourage raising your voice. Parents must remain calm so that the child can remain calm. When adults yell, they provoke the same reaction in return. Instead, gentle parenting encourages open communication and a firm tone when necessary.
But in real life, moments when parents lose their temper are not at all uncommon. We are all human, and humans tend to lose patience. We can get angry, lose our temper , and start a scene. In such a situation, gentle parenting encourages smoothing things over by admitting your mistake and sincerely apologizing. For example: “You know, I have to apologize for yelling at you. I was really upset and didn’t mean to do it. I know it doesn’t do any good. I will try to stay calm, even when I’m upset about something.”
Unlike other styles, gentle parenting takes into account one important element – the ability of parents to regulate their own emotions and behavior. It focuses on self-awareness, self-discipline, and the ability to act rather than react. At the same time, many mothers and fathers, no matter how mature they are, are still learning how to behave and how not to behave.
This is why gentle parenting is a challenging style for parents to master. It requires them to model effective communication for their child, even though they may not yet fully understand how it works. Many parents who try this approach feel guilty about trying to be gentle with their child, but it doesn’t always work.
