Breaking up is always painful, even if you initiated the breakup. The part of you that was your partner disappears, and you are left to move on alone, when all you want to do is give in to melancholy and anger.The emotional stages we go through after a breakup are not linear: today we can be angry, tomorrow we can be sad. It doesn’t matter what you think: how good it would be to get back together with your partner or never see them again. Knowing what to do after a breakup is almost impossible. But here’s where to start.
To meet your current needs
- Remember that you are human. People who have suffered a broken heart go through serious psychological and physiological changes. When we are prepared for these changes and know that they are normal, we can feel less alone.
- Cry. Don’t hold back. Tears help pent-up emotions come out. Just don’t forget to drink more water if you cry a lot.
- Breathe. Breathing exercises distract you from obsessive thoughts. Close your eyes and slow your breathing so that the length of your inhalation matches the length of your exhalation, for example, counting to six when you inhale and when you exhale.
- Feel your emotions. Stop resisting them and just allow them to exist . When we pay attention to our feelings, listen to them and to the sensations in the body, the pain begins to subside.
- Get out of the house. Get some fresh air, go for a walk, buy groceries, and do other daily activities. The sooner you get back to your normal life, the sooner you’ll get back to normal.
- Plan. When you have plans for the day, getting up in the morning becomes much easier.
To distance yourself from your ex-partner
- Unfollow him on social media. Especially if you often feel the urge to check on him.
- Avoid contact until feelings cool down. Give yourself time and space to distance yourself from the person, regroup, and begin to build your life without them.
- Think carefully before reconnecting. Try not to make decisions based on an urgent need to communicate with someone. Instead, weigh the pros and cons of reconnecting and, based on that information, decide what is best for you.
To begin the healing
- Take a day off to focus on your mental health. This is especially important if your productivity has suffered due to stress and it may be affecting your work together.
- Laugh. Watch your favorite comedy series or stand-up comedy concert. Laughter the production of the stress hormone cortisol and promotes the production of the happiness hormone dopamine.
- Meditate. Find any technique that will help you relieve stress and regain focus.
- Send a love letter to yourself. We often let others know that we love and care for them, but we rarely show love and care to ourselves. A small healthy dose of self-love will boost your self-esteem and strengthen your sense of self-worth.
- Take a break from your personal life. Many people start registering on dating sites and going on dates as soon as they break up with their partner. And this is a very bad idea. Because then you don’t have time to think everything through. Dating apps are a way to meet people, not a way to stroke your ego. So before you meet someone new, you should make sure that you are emotionally ready for it. Otherwise, you will be doing a disservice to both yourself and the person you are going on a date with.
- Stop your thoughts. Whenever you have an unpleasant thought, visualize a big red stop sign and switch to some other activity. For example, go for a walk or call a friend or relative.
- Find inspiration. You can follow a motivational blog or turn to the experiences of people you look up to, whether it’s your mom or Elon Musk . Hearing stories from others who have experienced a breakup like you can be therapeutic.
- Control sadness. Set a timer, for example for 15 or 30 minutes, and allow yourself to be sad and cry for the allotted time. And as soon as it is over, do something that will lift your mood.
To improve physical condition
- Walk. Walking in the fresh air is a great way to clear your head and the best health habit that is good for your physical and mental health.
- Exercise. Find something you enjoy and start exercising regularly. Exercise feel-good chemicals called endorphins and myokines, which scientists believe protect against stress-related depression.
- Dance to your favorite music. Dancing will help bring us back to the present moment, which can be difficult to do when we are focused on the pain of separation.
- Masturbate and orgasm. Exploring your body on your own terms will bring you pleasure in the present and help spice up your sex life in the future.
To get emotional support
- Go to a psychologist. Not everyone needs this, but if you understand that you can’t cope on your own, don’t hesitate to contact specialists.
- Ask your friends for help. Ask them to look after you during the first, most difficult week and make sure you leave the house, shower, and do household chores.
To take care of yourself
- Practice a “self-care day.” This is a day where you take long baths , lie in bed from morning until night, and do only those things that help you relax and recharge.
- Binge-watch a TV series or read a book. This is a proven way to switch off from worries and immerse yourself in an interesting story.
- Spend time with animals. The unconditional love of pets does wonders for our mood, no matter what. If you don’t have any, volunteer at your local shelter.
- Bring coziness into your home environment. Create your own oasis of comfort with scented candles, cute pillows, and a beautiful vase that you’ve had your eye on in the store for a while now.
To let go of the past
- List your partner’s mistakes and shortcomings. Make a list of the reasons why this person is not right for you, and reread it every time you feel like calling them, sending them a message, or following them on social media again.
- Write a letter to your ex-partner. But don’t send it. Frankly express everything that’s been bothering you, and then destroy what you’ve written.
- Visit “your” places. Take your friends with you and try to have a good time to stop associating these locations only with your ex and to neutralize the emotions associated with them.
- Sort out your things. Throw away or give away to good hands everything that reminds you of the relationship that ended.
- Rearrange or even renovate. Especially if you lived together. The updated space will inspire you to start all over again.
- Analyze your behavior. Do you like the person you were with your partner? If not, think about what kind of relationship you can be yourself in and love yourself for who you are.
- Change your image. Maybe you’ve long dreamed of dyeing your hair, piercing your ears, or growing a beard. Now is the time for a change. Get a new hairstyle, start wearing makeup differently, and update your wardrobe – this will lift your mood and increase your self-esteem.
To broaden your horizons
- Go on a date alone. Take yourself to a fancy restaurant or to the movies. This will give you confidence and improve your relationship with the most important person in your life – yourself.
- Go on a trip. Just make sure you read reviews of the place you are going to so that you have a pleasant experience and not more stress. If possible, take friends with you. It will be more fun.
- Start learning a new language. This activity will distract you from your worries and use your cognitive resources for good.
- Spend time in nature. A leisurely walk in the park will help you clear your thoughts, calm down, and recharge your batteries.
- Find a calming hobby, like knitting or drawing.
- Cook a dish using a new recipe. The possibilities are endless. Use the service ” Time to Eat ” to find the most delicious option.
To focus on personal growth
- Keep a journal. Record events, describe your experiences, or list everything you are grateful for each day.
- Focus on work. Take advantage of the moment to develop your career and realize your professional ambitions.
- Start saving money. Make it a rule to put aside at least a small amount every month, and gradually you will accumulate a decent safety cushion .
- Find your unique talent. Spend time on your hobbies and develop skills that will help you show your best side both at work and in other areas.
- Show confidence. Even if you don’t feel it yet, square your shoulders and lift your chin. After all, good posture never hurt anyone.
- Smile. Smiling has many benefits, including making you feel safe and reducing the impact of stress.
To renew contacts with others
- Spend time with your family. Especially if you haven’t seen each other in a long time or haven’t communicated much lately.
- Meet interesting people. Invite a colleague you’ve long admired over for coffee and learn the secret to their success. Make a new friend much older or younger than you — communicating with people of a different generation can teach you a lot.
- Talk about the breakup with loved ones. Share your feelings and ask how loved ones experienced the breakup with their partners. But don’t get stuck in a loop of endless discussions: if you have nothing more to add, don’t return to the topic.
- Ask your friends to tell you what a wonderful person you are. Let everyone send you a text, audio or video message about their warm feelings for you and what they appreciate about you. And you will read, listen or watch their confessions whenever you need.
- Reconnect with a friend you’ve lost touch with. Without a partner, you have more free time to spend rekindling your friendship.
To find love again
- Flirt. Think of your most effective flirting techniques and try them on someone you like.
- Sign up for a dating app. Assuming you’re ready, of course. You don’t have to jump into a new relationship right away — just start with casual conversations . Even filling out a profile can be helpful in terms of self-reflection.
- Go on a date. If someone really touches you and you want to get to know them better, don’t be afraid to take a step towards new feelings.
- Remember that time heals. And that everything will be fine, and the current experiences will seem like a distant dream.
