What was once the separate task of tranquilizers and the gym has now been incorporated into a single discipline: yoga.
Those who practice it talk about it with the same enthusiasm with which Dianetics propose that you join the church of Scientology. Which seems to me an excellent reason to delve deeper into the subject.
So I interviewed some yoga enthusiasts and came up with a list of incredible truths.
Here’s a list of things that only yoga practitioners will understand
#1 After the first three lessons your only thought is to recommend it to your mother.
#2 When you happen to think about work during a lesson, you feel as mortified as a child whose balloon has slipped from his hand.
#3 Revolutionize your diet for physical health.
#4 You fantasize about how intense sex with your instructor would be. Which is exactly what he thinks about himself.
#5 When the instructor tells you to fixate on a focal point in front of you, you plant your eyes on the best ass in class.
#6 Reach a new level of intimacy with your home bathroom.
#7 Discover that there are a lot of energies that are not measured in kilojoules.
#8 When the instructor is replaced you feel the same sense of emptiness as a neurotic with a therapist on vacation.
#9 Build muscles you never knew you had.
#10 Sharpen all 5 senses. Including smell, especially when the student next to you forgot his deodorant.
#11 You judge your classmates by the number of years they have practiced.
#12 During the scorpion pose you are afraid of falling on your face.
#13 You feel an irrational need to be certified. It would be interesting to apply the certification to Catholics as well, my grandmother would be 7th Dan.
#14 You look at any other form of physical activity with contemptuous superiority.
#15 Flexibility is mental, not physical.
#16 You start to think that the most important organ in your body is not your brain, not even your heart, not even your testicles. You think it’s your lungs because everything starts with breathing.
#17 Your body hates you for the crap you put in it, but your mind loves you for eating it. Now that you’ve discovered this insurmountable contrast, you live better. The great thing is that in your head it makes perfect sense.
#18 Yoga accompanies you 24/7 and you don’t report it for stalking, classic Stockholm Syndrome.
#19 You’re obsessed with the idea of dropping everything and becoming a yoga instructor.
#20 Ask yourself if there is still someone you haven’t told about your yoga practice. If the answer is no, you are a yoga addict.
