Mistakes and misconceptions that prevent you from meeting people, developing relationships and being happy.
1. You are afraid of intimacy
Perhaps something went wrong in a past relationship: you were hurt, your partner offended you, the breakup was difficult. Or you had a difficult childhood – problems with your parents, difficulties at school.
As a result, you associate close relationships with something scary and unpleasant, you are afraid of being hurt again, and you do not let potential partners close to you. For example, you avoid contact with new people or start a relationship and then, when it develops, you withdraw into yourself.
This behavior may be a sign of counterdependency or it may mean that you have not yet gotten over the negative experience . Perhaps you just need time. Or, if the situation has been going on for a long time, help from a psychologist.
2. You think you don’t deserve good things.
This may be due to a lack of self-confidence. You consider yourself unattractive, stupid, ridiculous and uninteresting – and conclude that with such a set of negative qualities, no one needs you anyway.
This means that you simply don’t meet people, you’re afraid to show your feelings, to show yourself. You behave in a constrained manner, you’re tense. You deliberately choose not the partners you really like, but those you think you deserve: “I’m not pretty, so what’s the point of even looking at attractive men?”
The problem is that few of us are able to truly look at ourselves through the eyes of others.
Our perception of ourselves is distorted by negative experiences, life attitudes and cognitive traps . There is a good chance that others see you as a charismatic, attractive and intelligent person. But you will only find out about this if you come out of your shell and try to communicate with someone you like.
3. You idealize the relationship
Let’s say you think that they should develop according to a strictly defined scenario – like in books or movies. Beautiful dates, flowers and gifts, common views, kissing after the second meeting, moving in together after the fifteenth, meeting the parents after a year of dating and starting to plan a wedding. And so on and so forth.
And if something doesn’t go according to plan (for example, you have different views on some issues or your partner needs more time to move to the next level of the relationship), it confuses you. You get upset and begin to have doubts.
But there is no universal plot of an ideal relationship, because they involve real people with their own interests and needs.
It is worth accepting from the very beginning that reality may not correspond to the perfect imaginary picture. However, this, of course, does not apply to those cases when your partner does something that is categorically unpleasant to you or causes harm .
4. You are too demanding
You want to meet the perfect superman, without flaws, and you won’t settle for anything less. He must look a certain way (down to the color of his eyes, the shape of his fingers or the size of his waist), have a clear list of interests, and earn a specific amount.
And secondly, being demanding is not the same as nitpicking: “Oh no, you can’t date a person who puts commas incorrectly .”
5. You dream of meeting your soulmate
The myth is very romantic, but, unfortunately, it can leave you alone. Believing in this idea, we wait for some sign from above, love at first sight, flawless and harmonious relationships without a single quarrel.
And as a result, we miss out on interesting people with whom we could be happy.
It is important to remember that the story about soulmates is just a beautiful fairy tale and any relationship sometimes needs to be worked on.
6. You rush things too much.
Having barely met a person, you are already planning a life together, a wedding and children. From the first meetings, you insist on physical intimacy. After a couple of weeks of dating, you drag your crush to meet her parents, confess your love and demand a reciprocal confession. Such pressure can scare a person, and the relationship will end before it really began.
It is important to listen to your partner, not to put pressure on them and to move at the same pace. And at the same time, analyze what makes you force the situation: maybe it is not the person that is important to you, but the relationship status. Or you are unsure of yourself and are afraid that if you do not commit your partner as soon as possible, he will leave you. Perhaps, if you sort out such attitudes, the relationship will be calmer and more harmonious.
7. You want a relationship for the sake of a relationship
Because “you’re already 30, the clock is ticking, all your friends are already married .” Or “it’s time to settle down, a serious man needs a family, why are you single?” If a person is alone, he or she is visited by thoughts every now and then that something is wrong with him or her and everyone should definitely have a partner.
He may actually be bored and lonely – and in an attempt to fill this void, he rushes to look for someone “just to be there.”
This approach is somewhat reminiscent of a relationship of convenience. Perhaps it will suit someone, but certainly not everyone: it will be difficult to get along with a person if he is only needed for show and there are no special feelings for him. And all this can end in resentment, disappointment and an ugly breakup. Therefore, it is better to enter into a relationship when you are completely ready for it.
