Often irritating others is a real art. Here are 40 useful tips to get the result you long for.
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Yawn when they talk to you
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Look at the horizon when they talk to you
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Use your cell phone when they talk to you
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Fold the rearview mirrors of all parked cars
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Always say what you really think
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When you are a passenger in a car, compulsively change songs or radio stations
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Paaaaaarrrrlaaaaaa mooooolllltooooo leeeeeennnntaaaaaameeeeeenteeeeee
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Buy a click pen and click it all day in the office
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If you have a tongue piercing, you compulsively tap your incisors when someone speaks to you.
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If someone asks you what the last novel you read is, answer “I only read non-fiction”
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Not respecting queues and answering objections with “my time is definitely more valuable than yours”
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Caps Lock
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Comic Sans
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He often uses phrases like “You have no idea what Giovanni told me, it was incredible! Oh no wait I can’t tell you”
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Latin quotes
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He gets people’s names wrong on purpose
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He supports Juventus
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If you live in an apartment play the drums in the evening, if you live in a house cut the grass at lunchtime
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Park as close as possible to the driver’s side of another car.
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End every phone conversation by saying “I was on speakerphone anyway”
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When your friend goes out with his girlfriend, make sure the topic of the evening is her ex-boyfriends.
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Call people with a whistle
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Call people “Hey, you thing”
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Correct the most insignificant grammatical errors
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Make “shrugging” your only way of communicating
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When you talk to someone, stare at their forehead
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If you are near a crosswalk, pretend you have to cross it to make the cars stop. Then stand still.
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When you are in the library, you hiss in reproach to demand silence.
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When you are in the library, say hello to your friends
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When you’re at the cinema, chew with your mouth open.
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When you’re at the cinema, you go to the bathroom every five minutes.
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When you go to the cinema, bring eight pillows to put under your butt.
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Always pay in coins
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Spit out the window
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When you are having lunch with someone, present your essay on the different types of feces.
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When you’re having lunch with someone, talk about Paolo Brosio
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Ask your plastic surgeon to make you look like Belpietro
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When you talk to someone, tell them several times that they seem irritated.
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Try all the ringtones on your cell phone when you are on the train
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Be happy
