Even though we have an infinite number of ways to share information today, face-to-face conversations still reign supreme. That’s because they’re not just words. The way we talk to family members, friends, colleagues, and anyone else has a huge impact on our relationships with them. If we want our communication to be successful and effective, we need to develop conversational intelligence.
This concept is based on the idea that conversations are not only a way to transmit and receive information, but also affect many different aspects of our lives – from self-confidence to the way we view the world. And both positively and negatively.
According to Judith Glaser, author of The Perfect Negotiation , who coined the term, conversations define the quality of relationships, which together define the quality of the culture in a company or any other type of organization. Through language and communication, we to build trust, connect, grow, and interact with one another to create and change the communities to which we belong.
How to Develop Conversational Intelligence
Glaser herself viewed conversational intelligence as an innate skill. However, not everyone can apply it equally effectively in life. Here’s where to start to develop yours.
1. Listen carefully
At least half of the conversation , if not more, we should listen to our interlocutor. So try to consciously control how much you speak and not dominate the conversation.
It is also important what is called false listening. There are several types of false listening:
- condemning when we rush to conclusions;
- selective, when we hear only what we want;
- impatient, when we interrupt the interlocutor or finish his sentences for him;
- patronizing, when we only pretend to listen, but we ourselves are in our own world;
- stubborn, when we have already made a decision or formed an opinion and are closed to discussion.
2. Ask the right questions
The first thing you need to do is stop asking questions that can only be answered with “yes” or “no.” Instead, be curious and show that you are interested in the other person. Start with simple, general questions, and then move on to more personal and specific ones that will help the other person open up. The more questions you ask that begin with “who,” “where,” “what,” “when,” and “why,” the better.
3. Choose your words carefully
The words and phrases we use in conversations are rarely neutral. They carry emotional baggage that may have opposite connotations for our interlocutor, including unpleasant ones. Therefore, we should be more delicate when choosing wording to more easily build trust during a conversation.
4. Reflect after the conversation
When a conversation ends, don’t immediately turn your attention to something else. Take the time to reflect on the conversation. Think about what happened during the conversation—what was said, the tone and body language of the other person, where there were pauses—and assess the potential impact of the dialogue on your relationship and future developments.
