There are so many things in the world, there are even those who do not consider cleaning a terrible and necessary nuisance but a vocation to which to dedicate one’s life. They are the so-called clean maniacs, otherwise known as Pulinazi Infantry, those guilty every day of atrocious crimes against germs and parasites. Let’s see how their existence unfolds.
#1. You remake the bed using a spirit level.
#2. When someone enters your house with dirty shoes he feels guilty as if he raped someone.
#3. Treat the closet as if it were your gun license.
#4. You can throw skates onto a guest’s feet from twenty meters away.
#5. When a door-to-door salesman, in order to offer you an infallible vacuum cleaner, tests your carpet for mites and finds nothing, he is trying to commit suicide by strangling himself with the vacuum cleaner cord.
#6. Your car is so sterile it could be used as a mobile operating room for open-heart surgery.
#7. Experience the funny paradox of cleaning before the cleaning lady comes because you’re afraid of making a fool of yourself if she finds dirt.
#8. You can actually brag about getting laid every day.
#9. You would like to clean your friends’ apartments.
#10. You risk your femur every time you insist on removing micro-cobwebs from the corners between walls and ceilings.
#11. At dinner, you get up from the table to wash the dishes even before everyone else has sat down.
#12. When someone makes a mess where you just cleaned, you feel like starting a blitzkrieg.
#13. If you try hard enough, you can even see yourself reflected in the velvet sofa.
#14. Having to put up with being called a maniac “just” because you clean the bathroom twice a day (three if you have enough time).
#15. You can spot a tiny stain on a T-shirt from six kilometers away.
#16. Your desk is so clean it makes you think you don’t actually work.
#17. Having to clean something because whoever just cleaned it did worse than before.
#18. If something is older than a day, throw it away.
#19. Your closet is so tidy that just looking at it feels like downing two boxes of Xanax.
