Finding the right partner in today’s dating app-obsessed world can be a real hassle. Many people describe the process as tedious, like walking through a minefield or playing the lottery. And if you’ve gone on a date with a stranger in the last few years, you know what I’m talking about. You might even have a few cringe-worthy party stories to tell.
1. Don’t rely on just one approach
Finding a partner doesn’t end when you sign up for a popular dating site. It’s only part of a three-point plan. In addition to online dating, it includes real-life communication and help from friends and colleagues who can introduce you to someone suitable in their circle. All of this will increase your chances of success.
2. Don’t hesitate, but don’t rush either
If you met a guy or a girl online and think your relationship has potential, don’t linger at the correspondence stage and schedule a personal meeting. But don’t rush either. Sometimes long and happy relationships develop slowly and are accompanied by difficulties at the beginning. Hasty conclusions can lead to you breaking off contact with a good person who is right for you.
3. Take dating as seriously as you do work.
Put as much energy into your search as you put into your career. Finding a worthy partner takes time and effort. If you are willing to spend it, your investment will pay off sooner or later.
4. Take the time to learn about yourself
Our brain only forming around the age of 25–30. Moreover, the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for planning, choosing priorities, and making decisions, is one of the last to mature. those who got married at 20 are 50% more likely to get divorced than those who waited until at least 25. Therefore, the time between 20 and 30 is best used to understand yourself, your desires, and your needs. And even if you are no longer 30, self-knowledge will only bring benefits.
5. Use dates as an opportunity to get closer to someone without commitment.
We often think that true love must conform to some grand romantic vision, and that the only relationships that make sense are those that lead to marriage or a long-term commitment. Of course, it’s okay to take responsibility and pursue a serious relationship. But it’s also okay to push that scenario aside.
To avoid dating feeling like a chore, think of it as an opportunity to meet someone you would never have met otherwise. It could be a friendship or a romantic connection, physical or intellectual. It could last an hour or ten years. You might never see each other again, but you’ll have a great evening together that you’ll remember fondly. Moments of genuine connection make us and others healthier and happier.
6. Do a compatibility test before going on a date
Before each meeting, offer to call with the camera on. Reluctance to communicate in a video format will give you food for thought. And if a video call does take place, you will be able to introduce yourself in person, flirt, ask important questions and immediately set (or not) a date for the meeting. This will help avoid unpleasant dates and tense communication, as a result of which it turns out that you have different values.
7. Reduce your expectations for the first date
Let it be just one thing – a good time. Don’t immediately decide whether you have a future together. The first meeting is to understand whether there is a basic connection between you. Instead of asking the other person, “Do you want a family?” ask yourself, “Am I having fun? Do I want to see each other again?”
When you ask serious questions to find out if a guy or girl is the perfect fit for your vision of a wonderful future, you turn him or her into a means to an end. Finding “the one” puts a lot of pressure on both you and the other person. Turning a date into an interview will kill any spark.
Plus, you’re forming an opinion about someone before you really know them. On a first date, you don’t have enough information, sometimes not even to know if you want to go on a second date. So don’t try to decide right away whether someone is right for your future – it distracts you from the present.
Many people are convinced that the clock is ticking and that they can’t afford to waste time. But this is a consequence of deficit thinking , which creates an atmosphere of desperation on the first date, which clearly will not lead to a second.
8. Focus on quality, not quantity
Be selective. This doesn’t mean you need to come up with a laundry list of criteria that a potential partner should meet. Think about the kind of life you want to live with someone and the qualities that someone should have. This will give you a more accurate idea of who is right for you. The better you understand your true desires, the easier it will be to choose partners who will help you fulfill them.
9. Be prepared for difficulties
Become a pessimist. People are often shocked by how much frustration and heartache comes with finding a partner. Knowing that things will probably get worse before they get better can help ease some of that stress.
When you expect hardship, you can prepare for it. What kind of support will you need if your texts are ignored? Who will you talk to if you hear something awful on a date , like, “I don’t like you”? It happens, and it sucks. Preparing for the worst will help you get over the disappointment faster. The key is to avoid thinking, “That would never happen to me.” That’s categorically and definitely not true.
10. Put your phone aside
When there’s an awkward silence on a date, you may automatically reach for your phone to check for new messages. But it’s best to put it away and focus on communicating with the other person. If they’re the one who’s looking at their phone a lot, joke that you’ve noticed and offer to join you in putting their phone away. For example: “I’m trying to avoid touching my phone on dates. Let’s see who can last the longest. Loser pays for drinks.”
