At the mailbox of the Overman, you already know, messages from psychopaths and demented people continually arrive. They are all beautiful and precious, but I thought it right to respond to this one with a post.
Dear Overman,
I always follow you and try to put your advice into practice to stand out in the fight for pussy. Unfortunately I can’t. It seems impossible to me that you gave me wrong tips, perhaps with an ironic tone. Posts should be taken literally, right? I’m doing it. But girls say I’m oppressive and a little creepy. One even reported me, but I called her at three in the morning to surprise her, not to bother her.
What can I do to appear more attractive and less obsessive?
Help me. (I attach photos for any aesthetic advice).
Cordially,
Danilo R.
Dear Danilo, the situation is complicated but not desperate. Now read these ten tips carefully so as not to seem like a stalker. They are in order from the most obvious to those that you certainly did not follow. Please, tell the judge that you are applying them and we will be able to get a reduction in sentence. Bye.
10 Tips to Avoid Looking Like a Stalker
#1. Don’t follow her
Colliding on a street corner. Dropping a book. Bending down at the same time to pick it up. Putting your hand on the cover together. Looking into each other’s eyes. It’s a beautiful case of serendipity. But if you do it on purpose, it’s a crime of battery.
#2. Touch little
And never without her knowledge. The prisons of the homeland are full of men who thought it was love and instead she was just drunk.
#3. Call her only if necessary
The call is the stage diving of courtship. If you have properly warmed up the audience your dive will be supported. Otherwise you will hurt yourself. That’s fine. But if after having repeatedly thrown yourself without success you continue to call her you will end up breaking your back. And if she didn’t want you when you were well imagine how much she will like you as a paraplegic.
#4. Don’t stare at her
You are on the train. You like her, you stare at her. Your eyes say: “I have never seen a girl as beautiful as you.” But that thread of drool dangling from your lip adds: “Would you give me your used panties?”
#5. Interpret his answers
“Oh, I text Giulia five times a day. But she views but never responds.” That’s not true. “Viewed at 12:15 on August 31, 2014” is a response. Except that like everything that comes out of a female mind, it’s not immediately comprehensible to a phallocentric brain. However, the correct translation is: “Don’t bust my balls.”
#6. Consider where you are
Surprising her is important, and you have to do it not only in the right way, but also in the right place. For example, letting paper airplanes in through the window on which you have written a poem about her eyes is certainly a romantic idea. But if the window is that of the hospital room where her father is dying, the originality of your idea could be overlooked.
Ok, in this first part we have given the most obvious advice. Those like Danilo have stopped at the second or third point, while those who are already in prison for stalking are still busy with the exegesis of the first. Now we will instead give some advanced courtship advice to avoid stressing your beloved too much.
#7. Don’t be a doormat
One of the most subtle ways to pester a girl is to keep offering to help with anything. “Oh, do you want a hand with the shopping bags?”, “Oh, maybe I can park you in the S-shape?”, “Hey, can I walk you to the bathroom so I can hold your hand while you take a shit?”. The doormat may never be reported for stalking, but like all mats, after a certain number of times you step on it, it gets replaced.
#8. Don’t lie (too much)
Of course, a certain percentage of lying is the basis of any lasting relationship. But if you ask her to sleep at her place because you are hosting Syrian refugees in your apartment, she will become suspicious. If you suggest going to the industrial area at night to admire the cement factory bathed in the full moon, she will be worried. And if after you have examined her to rule out the presence of breast lumps, she discovers that you are not really a doctor, she will call 113.
#9. No gifts
Again, it’s all about size. Sure, if you give her a diamond-covered bracelet on the first date, she’s likely to think you’re crazy, but very rich. She’ll swear eternal love to you, expecting to receive an Audi dealership and a member of the Armani family to design her custom clothes for the first anniversary. Then you’ll be forced to steal cars and kidnap a person, crimes punished much more harshly than simple stalking.
#10. Be cool
Because if you break any of these rules and you’re ugly you’re considered a stalker. But if you’re hot you’re just considered passionate.
