It is a word that frightens especially if associated with the sentimental sphere of our life since, precisely this, should be the context of greater security and serenity of our days.
Yet not only is violence present in many relationships , but the very concept of violence is crippled and modified at will so that it can in turn be used as yet another violent action aimed at the partner.
I know it can be a bit confusing to understand, after all: how can the concept of violence be used to make violence?
This is exactly what we are talking about in this article.
3… 2… 1… go! ?
THE TWO DIFFERENT TYPES OF VIOLENCE
First of all it is appropriate to understand that there are different types of violence and that one is absolutely ” less important ” than the other.
There are many people who focus only on physical violence, almost as if psychological violence did not exist or should be a sort of ” joke ” to be considered little or nothing but there is no more wrong behavior and thinking than this.
Both physical violence and psychological violence cause damage to both the body and the mind: what changes is the strength of such damage and, above all, their visibility .
- Obvious damage to the body
- Mine obvious psychological damage (the violent act must often be extreme to cause heavy and permanent damage)
- Any death is caused by a third party
The main reason why most people focus on physical violence and ignore the psychological one is precisely the fact that the wounds are clearly visible and recognizable, allow everyone to see them and can be considered ” evidence “ ( not so much in court as for each individual ) that allow to judge the violent act from a moral point of view.
- “Hidden” body damage
- Heavy but little recognized psychological damage
- Eventual death is often self-induced by suicide
Psychological violence, despite being perhaps much more harmful than physical ( many physical wounds heal … many psychological wounds do not ) is often belittled if not downright mocked by a large slice of people as ” not visible “ … and how it can be taken on serious something that is not seen? It’s not that the concept is the same as religion after all …
Moreover, many think that those who suffer damage from this type of violence are weak .. or crazy .. and worsen the situation with a totally wrong idea resulting from cruel social prejudices.
The reality is that psychological violence causes severe physical damage in the form of decompensation and chemical imbalances to the body which, even if only minimally lethal ( the broken heart syndrome is due to stress and can cause death from heart attack ), decrease a lot the chances of a person’s life: inability to concentrate, nervousness, obesity, weakness… are some of the consequences caused by such damage.
The psychological damage associated with lack of self-esteem, distrust of oneself, others and life, the feeling of helplessness and negativity and depression ( not to mention anxiety and panic attacks ) are instead a cocktail of psychological damage that in the long run, they often lead to suicide .
WHEN THE ACCUSATION OF VIOLENCE UNDERTAKEN IS VIOLENCE IN ITS TIME
One of the manipulative techniques par excellence consists in “ turning over ” situations against the victims.
In fact, it is not uncommon for an ” executioner ” to enjoy accusing his victim of subjecting him to psychological violence, making him bear the burden of responsibility for his reactions and hatred.
This is nothing more than a kind of psychological violence implemented in a mean way that many of us, often without realizing it, have taken advantage of.
In fact, how many times it happens to feel “attacked” by someone and to react with verbal anger, heavily accusing the counterpart of being the cause of all our discomfort even when, in reality, it is only us who have a straw tail and we feel touched in the I live precisely because our shortcomings have been “exposed”?
One of the broadest and most socially controversial areas in which this mechanism can be seen at work is that of ” gendered ” violence .
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN AND VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN
We often hear about violence against women and how it should be condemned.
What I would like you to pause to reflect on is the fact that this phrase itself, ” violence against women ” is not only discriminatory but also presupposes a prejudice that is very easy to turn into psychological violence against entire categories of people .
It is not that violence against women is good, indeed, it is certainly to be condemned!
But shouldn’t we say that: “violence is to be condemned”, avoiding attaching greater or lesser importance to the word “violence” depending on whether a man or a woman suffers it?
Statistics in hand Men and women are both victims and perpetrators in equal measure: men mostly ( but not only ) carry out physical violence, while women mostly ( but once again not only ) carry out psychological violence .
A man can cause the death of a woman just as a woman can cause the death of a man only that in the first case we are all ready to point the finger and accuse… while in the second most people are ready to…. mock the victim.
Is a woman raped by a man? Then it is, rightly, a scandal.
Is a man raped by a woman? Ah, as if he was sorry, what a loser, he got bullied by a woman.
Is a woman beaten by a man? scandal.
Does a man get beaten by a woman? He’s a poor loser.
And so on…
What is this but discrimination and violence in turn?
A TRUE STORY OF MESCHINA VIOLENCE
Before moving on to some concrete statistics and conclusions it is appropriate to reflect for a moment on the reality of the facts and, to do so, I want to quote a true story about a famous person that many of us have loved: Johnny Depp .
For the uninitiated Depp, now divorced, was married to Amber Heard , an actress with whom he had a long legal battle during which the two spouses accused each other of domestic violence .
The world, as it was easy to predict, has always sided with the wife … as a woman.
Well: some recordings have come out that show very clearly all the cruelty of the latter who, during the home discussions, not only raised her hands but violently attacked her spouse with various contending objects, making fun of him, threatening him and belittling him .
It appears that Depp has risked several physical impairments from the attacks of the now ex-wife ( what we know for sure is that he almost lost a finger ).
“ Go on, go tell the jury that you, Johnny Depp, a man, have been a victim of violence! Let’s see how many will believe you! “Is one of the phrases that have become more” famous “ from the recordings that nailed the woman to her responsibilities … together with the fact that she, thanks to the fact of being a woman, declared herself willing and capable of corrupting witnesses and creating an entire plot against Depp based entirely on the advantage of “being a woman”.
Phrases like Heard’s are our daughters. It is we who make it possible, all of us, every time we talk about ” violence against women ” as if the violence to be condemned is that against specific genders, as if violence had a different ” weight ” depending on who suffers it and it is we, albeit indirectly, who in doing so continue to kill hundreds. thousands of people every year.
In fact, there are thousands of male deaths from suicide as a result of strong psychological violence suffered in the relational field by their companions … just as there are thousands of female deaths from male physical violence.
And whoever has now thought that ” men who commit suicide are weak ” … well maybe it is the case that you begin to feel ashamed of yourself and to understand that he / she is an integral part of the problem and is, even if indirectly, making himself an accomplice of someone’s death.
Violence must always be condemned!
Regardless of whether a man or a woman is subjected to it and it should never be used as a weapon against someone ( after all, if a partner uses violence on us … what’s the point of attacking him in turn? Let’s just go, as intelligent people ).
The prejudice that a certain type of violence is heavier than another … or that violence against a certain type of people is more serious than another … is violence in turn because that is precisely what it leads to: violence and discrimination, as well as the creation of opportunities for petty and unscrupulous people to exploit situations to their advantage by causing harm and posing as victims.
The sad thing about all this is that it is often those people who for years have really been victims of such violence who, without thinking and just to feel better about themselves, lash out at others with prejudicial intentionality, also believing that they are in the quite right.
They, who have experienced firsthand what it means to suffer severe physical or psychological violence.
As I said, violence must always and in any case be condemned and it is time for us too, all of us, to begin to stop prejudice and go on to condemn violence in all its forms.