A reflection on the importance of acknowledging discomfort and crises before ourselves.
How many times do we say that we are fine because it is usual and socially expected? And really, are we okay?
Throughout my personal and professional life I have met people who do feel satisfied and happy, who work every day to look ahead and have a more or less effective management of what happens to them.
They have tools to face the less fortunate futures of life and above all they feel lucky because they perceive a correspondence between what they do and what happens to them. They practice gratitude towards each situation, even those that they did not expect or were not looking for because they know that they will learn something and will come out enriched from the experience.
They are people from whom we can learn and that numerous investigations show us that they are not superheroes, they are “normal and ordinary” people, “ordinary people” who have learned to accept and integrate what happens to them. Acceptance, not resignation. Accepting what happens, they can search, find and implement strategies to get ahead , focus on the learning that each experience leaves behind and improve themselves.
Why we should know how to recognize that we are not well
Along my way, I have also met people who feel that they always “stumble over what happens to them” , who are surprised by adverse circumstances over and over again, who try and try and try again and fail; people who feel unlucky, trapped in situations they don’t know how to deal with; people to whom the blows they have received have left them emotionally marked and they no longer want to continue, or simply do not know how; people whose lives cost them and it costs them so much!
They think about it so much that they reach a point of resignation . I want to make it explicit that these people have every right to feel this way.
I’m not talking about taking a defeatist or “poor me” attitude. I am not referring to staying there, going round and round, mentally ruminating day after day what has happened to them. I am pointing out that it is not about hiding what you feel, but about allowing discomfort to surface in order to look it in the face, feel it and then (and only then) be able to do something about it .
Accept the present to improve our future
For anyone who wants to be prepared to feel a deep and real well-being, it is essential to listen to oneself and become aware of what is really going on inside, what you are feeling: in bad times, that not wanting to continue, that negativism that arises … What pain hides behind?
Take care of yourself as a person, as a man, as a woman; attending to what is really suffering inside is the first step, as necessary as it is inevitable.
When you do not accept what is happening or recognize what you are feeling inside because of what you are experiencing, or you are not aware of the discomfort that this experience causes you, then there can be no change .
In this way, when the culture of unwavering optimism becomes a reactive automatism in the face of adversity, it is overused and prevents us from exercising our right to feel bad; when we refuse to feel it, how are we going to get over it? Permanent optimism as a shock strategy against the bad that happens in life, does not allow us to perceive or deal with the feeling of discomfort and leaves a dangerous mark: it denies or at least misleads less pleasant emotions; it’s like putting on a mask behind which what I don’t want to see remains. It then becomes a stealthy thief of our freedom to be and be, robbing us of our fundamental right to be who we are.
Thus, we numb what we do not want or cannot face . Of course this allows us to move on! But only because it anesthetizes what hurts or bothers. This can ‘make it easier’ for a while to cope with the pain or the non-acceptance of what is happening, and just for helping one part of the way, it’s worth it, and that’s okay. The problem appears when we turn this form of ‘avoidance’ into an escape habit. This -already investigated by science for decades- always has clear harmful consequences on our health.
Accepting the challenge of change
When you don’t like something, accepting what is happening to you inside is an essential prerequisite to being able to change it. Initially, acceptance does not imply ‘doing’ anything. It can be started simply by saying to yourself: “I accept that I feel ‘this.’ I don’t like it, but I accept that I’m sorry.”
You may be going through difficult times in your life. To get out of that discomfort, regardless of whether it is a feeling that arises within you for no apparent reason, or if it is a difficulty with your partner, a family situation, or even a problem at work or social… You can change the way you the one you feel It’s not easy, I know. Don’t wait any longer: Right now you can start taking responsibility for your peace of mind. If you find it difficult, contact us, find a professional psychologist specialized in psychotherapy to accompany you on your way to find your balance.
