Often, parents see discipline as something to reserve for school-aged children. After all, why would they correct a child who still can’t walk? Why would a tiny human being, who spends his time staring at lights and drooling, need such an orientation? Quick response: because the discipline is based on setting limits and young children in particular need help to do it.
Left to themselves, the little ones will let curiosity make them get into trouble. They could seriously injure themselves without proper guidance. A guide that “starts very early, in the form of a simple yes or no,” says Dr. Michele Borba, author of No More Misbehavin ‘: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them
It really is that simple. Dr. Borba remembers the time when she was called to help a mother of several children, all very young and all with the vice of biting. “You came there with the fear of getting tetanus,” he recalls. Soon he realized that the problem was not the children, but a mother who could not say no.
“One of them had bitten his brother and I said NO! I took him in his arms and carried him away” explains Borba. He remembers making the baby cry, which also caused the mother to cry, as if her son’s guilt was worse than a bite. But Borba keeps an iron fist over the need to face children. “Negative behavior gets worse. It will be better to cut it off in the bud,” he recommends. “Showing that there is a limit does not threaten their self-esteem.”
At an early age, discipline is based on stopping behavior, even through distraction, and replacing it with something else. It doesn’t have to be a long and pedantic discussion.
Borba illustrates another example: this time we are talking about a child with the habit of pulling a pet’s fur. “It only takes ten seconds,” he explains, “Before you say: no, you hurt the little dog. Let’s pet it. And then you compliment the child when he does it the right way, because after all the children want to please us.”
This very basic exchange does everything the discipline should do: it sets limits, explains why and offers alternative behavior. In addition, it gives the child the opportunity to change perspective, realizing that pulling the fur hurts our four-legged friend. They won’t fully understand it until the full development of cognitive abilities, but this will help lay the foundation of empathy.
Of course Borba warns that, for their sake, parents must carefully choose their battles. “There is no need to dwell on any behavior,” he explains. “Act on recurring episodes that could endanger your children’s reputation, their safety and respect for you within the family, and focus on those.”
