Maybe he said it for good, but whoever uttered the phrase “Actions are stronger than words” has never had children. In fact, children learn a lot about communication, and how it should work, observing you while interacting with your partner. Are you caustic? They too will be. You are angry? They will probably get angry. If you use bad words, they will follow suit. Obviously, this also applies to more subtle aspects: those sentences “thrown there” in which you could run into. After talking to several relationship experts, we compiled a list of seemingly harmless expressions that would be better not used in front of children.
“You are too sensitive”
In general, nobody has the right to tell another person what they should feel. This bad habit sends a negative message to children. “Such a statement questions the spouse’s feelings, suggesting that he has no right to feel upset,” says Kimberly Hershenson, a couple psychologist in New York. “Nobody can tell you what is the most appropriate reaction to a given situation; it’s about your feelings.”
“I do not care”
If your spouse asks you for an opinion or an opinion, answering “I don’t care” you will send a signal of little interest towards what he is trying to communicate to you, “explains Hershenson. There are more polite ways to explain that he does the same to you or that if you order Indian or Thai it doesn’t make any difference because 1) they are both delicious and 2) after a long day you don’t want to worry about that problem specifically, but yes, you would like a double portion of garlic naan.
Human beings are increasingly connected yet, who knows why, more and more alone – and this phrase could be part of the explanation. “Saying that you are busy, while continuing to do what you are doing (for example, sending messages or checking your email), will only make your partner feel you are looking for your opinion,” says Hershenson. He also adds that these words send a wrong signal to their children: they will have the impression that they are not important enough for you.
“I have to go to the gym, my body is …”
Maybe you haven’t seen your toes for a while, but comments like that have a chain effect on your child’s image of themselves, explains Dr. Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills psychotherapist and family expert relations. “If your little girl sees you on the scale every day, and listens when you complain that you are” fat “, she may develop an unhealthy perception of the body. Always be very aware because your every word, your every gesture, will be one standards for how children will introject messages to them.
“I told you”
No one has ever made friends with this expression and certainly does not help at home, warns Johathan R. Bennet, psychiatric consultant and author of The Popular Man. “It may seem harmless to remind your spouse that you were right, but from this the children they learn that in communication it only matters being right and winning, rather than reaching a common goal “.
“Look what you’ve done”
These words suggest that the error itself represents a serious problem, which is not very constructive, as well as rude. “Rather, point out that the mistake has been corrected for everyone’s benefit,” says Bennet. “Mistakes are to be seen as opportunities to learn, not as failures.”
“You never help at home”
Insinuating that a partner “never” helps with household chores means that if you’re too busy to do housework, then you won’t have to do your part, says Bennet. “Furthermore, by spending a lot of time at home, the children may have the impression that the spouse who contributes to family life in other equally important ways, such as working hard outside the home, is not doing anything at all.”