How to recognize a miracle product?

In March the almond trees and miracle products flourish and I, who always watches over you, propose ten warning points to put ourselves on guard against possible rabbits that come out of the hat during these days.

Imagine the circus, but not what they call the Circus of the Sun, so fine and so elegant … no, no. Imagine the circus camping on a polygon esplanade, with all its critters and all its attributes. When such a beautiful picture can become your home when the creatures of the camp return, or to such a beautiful picture it may seem like your holiday destination, if you have foolishly opted this year for lush mountains, smoking swamps or aphrodisiac beaches.

The bugs are for the summer. And they are smarter than us because they run away from the ugly urban cement. They, live-in, foodies, enjoy, wait for us on the beach or in the mountains rubbing their legs. The apothecary-tamer writes again today in her beloved Malasmadres Club  about five circus figures with a somersault included to keep summer beasts at bay (I mean insects). If you don’t want to be devoured without mercy, give me a little case.



1. The miracle product has come and nobody knows how it has been.

Suddenly, a product that no one had ever heard of, breaks into the market and is even in the soup: radio, television, magazines … Very strong advertising campaigns are carried out so that the name “sounds” everywhere. A product that was totally alien to us happens to be family and sneak into our conversations in the cafeteria and bedroom.

ho knows where?

Neither Paco Lobatón would be able to locate the place where the product is manufactured. The manufacturer’s data is usually not clear and a PO Box per single track may be the norm. That there is no clearly specified business name on the packaging is already indicative that something is wrong.

3. Before and after.

Although an image is always manipulable, perhaps in the 1970s putting a “before” and another “after” photo could have its own. Today, in the Photoshop era and in which with a simple mobile application you can do wonders (hallelujah, hallelujah) that there are still “before” and “after” photos is an insult to the consumer.


Express results.

Set to promise miracles, why promise results in three months if we can promise them in three days? Any product that refers to express results must put us on alert.

5. Your vuo fa l’americano.

As Renato Carosone said, your vuo fa l’americano and the industry knows it. Everything that sounds American: in the US it is hitting hard makes us horny. Nobody is a prophet in their land, so although the miracle product is being manufactured in a basement in Valladolid, it must be sold as part of the American dream.

6. Exoticism

At other times the US is replaced by some remote country, to give it another type of glamor. The flowers of the Talampaya, the fish scales of the Andaman Sea or the orchid petals of Monte Bolca could split the corduroy the day after tomorrow.

7. Celebrity effect

Put a famous one next to your miracle product and it will sell as churros. Sometimes you don’t have to worry much more about marketing. Something like this is what happened associating in Spain when associating Queen Letizia with the Perricone Diet.

8. Clandestinity

Another strategy, contrary to that of diffusion in the media, is to sell the miracle products as something clandestine to turn them into a dark object of desire. Things seem more effective if it brings us black market ‘s cousin’s sister-my friend, who has a neighbor who works at a gym and have said that the best diet is these capsules. Can anyone really believe that if the product were effective for weight loss, the manufacturer would not be interested in distributing it a little beyond the locker room? Of the possible harmful effects of these clandestine products, that there are some, we already spoke another day.

9. Amimefunctionalism

The amimefuncionismo is the doctrine that believers embrace the miracle products. It is the definitive test: the product is supported by personal testimonies of people who have tried the product and it has worked. There is no serious study that endorses the product and if there are, when it is scratched a little in the studies that endorse it, it turns out that they are not rigorous, have no validity, or are coincidentally sponsored by the same laboratory that sells the product. miracle.

10. Star themes

Mainly there are three: beauty (creams that leave you with first communion skin), sexuality (pills that turn you into the bull that killed Manolete), weight loss (lose ten kilos in a quarter of an hour while watching TV eating pipes guaranteed!). Then there are other classic themes from yesterday today and always, many related to hair loss or maternal themes: amber necklace to calm the exit of teeth in the baby or silver teat cups .

The Apothecary’s advice

As much as we are interested in believing it, miracles do not exist and the proof is simple: all those properties were real, for just € 20, € 30 or € 100 a month, there would be no fat or bald. This does not mean that there are no products that can help us improve certain aspects of our lives, but there are lines that cannot be crossed. Miracles, Fatima and miracle products , no matter how much faith we have in them, the farther the better.


Leave a Comment