We speak of traumatic experiences, losses, defeats, disappointments. But there is so much we can learn from these moments that can help build a new you.
The pain of the end of a marriage after many years of life together , the grief for the loss of a parent or partner, the suffering of an illness, a disappointment at work: in mature age there can be many traumatic experiences that, all of a sudden, they force you to reorganize your life .
If you have experienced one of these you know what we are talking about: a thousand words would not be enough to describe what it feels like in the heart and in the mind. Yet, it will seem like a mockery to hear it said, even from these traumatic experiences you can learn a lesson for personal growth.
You will ask yourself: is it necessary to fight against a disease or find yourself single or be forced to change your life after so many years to “learn” something more from life? You certainly won’t agree with so much injustice, but here’s what psychologists say and how you can turn pain into an opportunity to build a new self.
Because trauma helps to grow
There has been talk of “post-traumatic growth” since the 90s of the last century. The term was coined by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun whose research has shown that 70% of trauma survivors then developed positive psychological growth . A thesis also confirmed by the book ” Wired to Create: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Creative Mind “ written by the psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman .
According to scholars, the emptiness for loss, the sense of failure for defeat, frustration and bitterness for disappointment , whatever the feeling that overnight comes to “bite” day and night a life that was believed built on solid foundations, forcing them to put into question their worldview .
The result is that, once many of the certainties that have held convictions and opinions for years have fallen, we are forced to find a new balance, new certainties and a new identity . Trying to re-frame events and draw strength from these difficult moments, according to the two psychologists, it is possible to learn how to:
- have greater empathy and altruism towards others, to the benefit of the relationship with the outside world
- improve interpersonal relationships
- nurture greater gratitude towards life and cultivate spirituality
Therefore, life must go on and, as you can see, it does not mean that it cannot take an unexpected turn. So here’s how you can deal with these changes.
The positives of changing your life at 50
Since you are no longer a girl , change is scarier . To question oneself, to bring out courage and determination, to find stimuli and to set new goals seem impossible feats. All the more so if hormones and menopause are also used to remind you that your psychological strength , let’s face it, is not really helpful in the effort to see things objectively and clearly.
This is all the more true in the case in which one leaves behind a disappointment of love , most of the time coming from a story (whether married or not) that lasted a lifetime. Try to identify the positive sides in the need to rebuild a new existence in full maturity:
- it is not possible to live in a lie : if you closed a love story because the feelings had vanished, you did nothing but look reality in the face. It was probably the only right thing to do.
- the truth has never killed anyone : if it was your partner who ended your relationship, look at things from the opposite point of view, and appreciate the luck of being treated with sincerity
- mature love can even be better : finding yourself after the age of 50, when you already have important life experiences behind you, and deciding to open a new chapter of your experience together, can be so beautiful and satisfying as to constitute an important foothold for overcome pain, trauma and disappointment
- the positive side of being 50 is the freedom to say what you think without fearing prejudices or judgments of others so, if you actually have somehow pushed yourself to the crossroads that led you into a new life, don’t be afraid to go ahead to your need for freedom.
Love is essential for building a new life after 50
For a heart that aches, love can be better than medicine even after menopause . We don’t say it but science says it: a happy relationship in mature age positively influences the functioning of the brain and mental activities in general. And so on.
Here are 3 good reasons not to be afraid to face love after 50 , even after a dark period:
- love is good for the heart : the feeling that can arise at a mature age, the one that surprises in love as little girls and makes the heart beat when you thought you had forgotten what such an emotion remotely means, would be therapeutic for the health of the heart in menopause and, in particular, to control blood pressure and reduce cardiovascular risk
- love reduces stress : a satisfying intimate life is a panacea for relieving tensions and stress , which in menopause can also be a corollary of disorders related to hormonal fluctuations and, in general, of the “tiring” phase that body and mind they go through to prepare for the cessation of ovarian activity. For this reason it is essential to maintain good intimate health especially when menopause can cause some discomforts such as Vulvo Vaginal Atrophy . A visit to the gynecologist can do a lot to make you love again with serenity
- love fights depression: the novelty of a relationship, the game of courtship and cuddles, intimacy, can play a fundamental role in countering the sadness and anguish deriving from negative experiences. States of mind that should never be underestimated because, when perhaps the physiological hormonal variations in this age put their hand in it, they can border on depression .
Love after 50: don’t be frightened by physiological changes
The skin is no longer smooth, the body is less toned and some excess roundness has weighed down your silhouette: let’s be realistic, these are not the things that should prevent you from fully experiencing love after 50.
Rather it may be difficult when take over intimate hassles related to the reduction of the levels of hormones, as a result of which the intimacy in menopause may change . We refer to:
- vaginal dryness
- intimate itching
- pain during intercourse ( dyspareunia )
- decreased desire
Don’t be discouraged: these are inconveniences that can be easily managed with a simple visit to the gynecologist. For 1 out of 2 women these are the symptoms of Vulvo Vaginal Atrophy , a chronic pathological condition which, in fact, affects 50% of menopausal women and which is essential to diagnose early.
Although there may be times when you think it is better to give up, know that it is only up to you to decide that you want to live your new life fully, without shadows, with all the experiences that have led you to be the woman you are today. Speak, without shame or embarrassment, to your trusted gynecologist or find an experienced menopause specialist in your city