I am an occupational therapist with 10 years of working experience with children, parents and teachers. In my practice, I have seen and continue to see a decline in the social, emotional and educational “functioning” of children, as well as a sharp increase in learning difficulties and other diagnoses.
Today’s children come to school emotionally unavailable for learning and there are many factors in our modern lifestyle that contribute to this. As we know, the brain is malleable: through the environment we can make it “stronger” or “weaker”. I truly believe that, despite all our greatest intentions, unfortunately we have reshaped our children’s brains in the wrong direction.
Here because:
1. Technology
The use of technology as a “free babysitting service” is not in fact free. Payment awaits you around the corner. To pay are the nervous systems of our children, with their attention and their ability to delay gratification. Compared to virtual reality, everyday life is boring. When the children arrive in the classroom, they are exposed to human voices and adequate visual stimulation instead of being bombarded by the graphic explosions and special effects that they are used to seeing on the screens. After hours of virtual reality, the processing of information in a classroom becomes increasingly difficult for our children because their brains are getting used to the high levels of stimulation offered by video games. The inability to process lower levels of stimulation leaves children unprepared for school challenges. Technology also disconnects us emotionally from our children and families. The emotional availability of the parents is the main nutrient for the child’s brain. Unfortunately,
2. Children get everything they want at the desired moment
“I’m hungry !!” “In a moment I will stop” “I am thirsty!” “Here’s a vending machine.” “I’m bored!” “Use my phone!”. The ability to delay gratification is one of the key factors for future success. We have the best of intentions – to make our children happy – but unfortunately we make them happy at the moment but sad in the long run. Knowing how to delay gratification means being able to function under stress. Our children are gradually becoming less equipped to face even minor stressors, which eventually become huge obstacles to their success in life.
The inability to delay gratification is often evident in classrooms, shopping malls, restaurants and toy stores the moment the child hears “No” because the parents taught their child’s brain to get what he wants right away.
3. Children rule the world
“My son doesn’t like vegetables.” “She doesn’t like going to bed early.” “He doesn’t like to have breakfast.” “She doesn’t like toys, but she is very good at her iPad.” “He doesn’t want to dress alone.” “She is too lazy to eat alone.” This is what I hear from parents all the time. Since when do children dictate how to educate them? If we leave everything to them, all they will do is eat pasta and cheese, watch TV, play on their tablets and never go to bed. For what purpose are we giving them what they want when we know it’s not good for them? Without proper nutrition and a good night’s sleep, our children go to school irritable, anxious and inattentive. In addition, we send them the wrong message.
The “must do” concept doesn’t exist. Unfortunately, to achieve our goals in life, we have to do what is necessary, which may not always be what we want to do. For example, if a child wants to be a good student A, he needs to study hard. If he wants to be a successful footballer, he has to train every day. Our children know very well what they want, but they struggle to do what is necessary to achieve this goal. This translates into unattainable goals. and leave the children disappointed
4. Endless fun
We have created an artificial world for our children. There are no moments of boredom. The moment there is silence, we run to entertain them again, because otherwise we feel that we are not doing our duty as parents. We live in two separate worlds. They have their “fun” world and we have our “work” world. Why don’t children help us in the kitchen or laundry? Why don’t they tidy up their toys? This is a monotonous basic job that trains the brain to be flexible and function even in the event of boredom, which is the same “muscle” that is needed to learn in school. When they come to school and it’s time to write by hand, their answer is “I can’t. It’s too difficult. Too boring.” Why? Why “muscle” functioning is not trained through endless fun. He is trained through work.
5. Limited social interaction
We are all busy, so we give our kids digital gadgets to keep them “busy”. Before, children played outdoors, where, in unstructured natural environments, they learned and practiced their social skills. Unfortunately, technology has replaced outdoor weather. In addition, technology has made parents less willing to interact socially with their children. The babysitting service performed by digital gadgets does not help children develop social skills. The most successful people have great social skills. This is the priority!
The brain is like a muscle that is trainable and reorganizable. If you want your child to be able to pedal, teach them to ride a bicycle. If you want your child to know how to wait, teach him patience. If you want your child to be able to socialize, teach them social skills. The same goes for all other skills. There’s no difference!
You can make a difference in your child’s life by training his brain so that your child can be successful on a social, emotional and educational level.
Here’s how:
1. Limit technology and get closer to your kids emotionally
– Surprise them with flowers, share a smile, tickle them, put a love note in your backpack or under your pillow, surprise them by taking them out for lunch on a school day, dance together, crawl together, fight with pillows.
– Have family dinners, board game evenings, ride a bicycle, walk outdoors with a flashlight in the evening.
2. Train delayed gratification
– keep your kids waiting! Okay there is the noita: this is the first step towards creativity.
– Gradually increases the waiting time between “I want it” and “I get it”. Avoid using technology in cars and restaurants, teach them to wait while they talk and play.
– Limit frequent snacks
3. Don’t be afraid to set limits. Children need limits to grow happy and healthy!
Make a meal plan, sleep time, technology time
Think about what is good for them, not what they want or don’t want. In the future they will thank you for this. Parenting is hard work. You have to be creative to make your children do what’s good for them because, more often than not, it’s the exact opposite of what they want.
Children need breakfast and nutritious food. They need to spend time outdoors and go to bed at the right time to be predisposed to learn at school the next day. Turn things they don’t like to play into fun and emotionally stimulating games to try.
4. Teach your children to play a monotonous job since the early years as it is the basis for future “workability”
Put the clothes, clean up toys, hanging clothes, unpack groceries, set the table, prepare lunch, undo their basket, prepare the bed
Be creative. Make these activities stimulating and fun so that their brains associate them with something positive.
- Teach social skills Teach them to transform, take, share, lose / win, compromise, compliment others, say “please and thank you”.
From my experience as an occupational therapist, children change when parents change their perspective on parenting. Help your children succeed in life by training and strengthening their brains sooner rather than later!
