Jealousy : a normal feeling? Do we feel when we really care about someone? Is it provoked by your partner’s ambiguous behavior?
On jealousy there have been and continue to be said so many and therefore in this article I will try to shed some light on the subject.
Ready?
3… 2… 1… go! ?
JELOSY IS NOT UNIVERSALLY GOOD OR BAD
Someone says that jealousy is a feeling that belongs only and exclusively to insecure people . Someone else who if we feel jealous is always the fault of the counterpart who, with his ambiguous behavior, pushes us to be. Then there are people who affirm with absolute certainty that jealousy is an important and completely positive feeling that shows us how much we care for the other person.
T utti wrong and everyone is right at the same time : the fact jealousy can depend on various factors and can be, depending on the circumstances, positive or negative emotion, be synonymous of love as well as pure and simple obsession.
WHAT ARE THE CASES THAT LEAD US TO BE JEALOUS?
THE FIRST CASE – PAST TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES IN THE SENTIMENTAL AREA / LACK OF SELF-ESTEEM / LACK OF TRUST
The first case in which a person will almost always find himself jealous of a potential partner occurs when that same person has already experienced traumatic experiences in the past ( betrayal, lack of affection, constant criticism … ).
The consequence of these experiences is in fact almost always the creation of a weak and not at all developed self-esteem that leads us to have a constant fear of losing the people we care about as “ not enough for them ”.
The alternative is to think that since we have been disappointed in the past then the person next to us will also disappoint us .
This thought leads us to never have a true and total trust in a partner who often deserves it and leads to paranoia and related attacks of morbid jealousy.
Obviously, the people who, in this case, suffer this feeling almost never realize that they themselves are the cause and will often tend to perceive ( imagine or misinterpret ) adverse behaviors and situations of which to accuse the counterpart.
It goes without saying that in these cases it is almost never ” fault ” of the behavior of others if jealousy arises in us, it is simply us who, mindful of past experiences and the low self-esteem that have caused us, try it and then ” attach ” it responsibility outside.
THE SECOND CASE – AMBIGUOUS BEHAVIOR OF THE PARTNER
Unfortunately , sometimes it happens: we entrust our hearts to people who do not deserve it at all.
When we are dealing with a person of this type, ambiguous behaviors are the order of the day: he gives us little attention, has no interest in spending time in our company, does nothing but talk to other people on the computer or on the phone , when you go out often he prefers to talk to others rather than you, he doesn’t mind having conversations with people hitherto unknown … maybe he does nothing but talk about that girl or that boy he met at work or during that date with friends or girlfriends from a few days before …
In these cases it is normal to feel a strong fear and a strong jealousy grow but, given that it is clearly provoked by others, rather than wondering about jealousy itself and how to avoid losing the person who causes it, the most correct decision would be that of cutting out a clearly dysfunctional relationship and moving on: sooner or later we will surely meet someone who will treat us well as we deserve.
THE THIRD CASE – HEALTHY JEALOUSY VS MORBID JEALOUSY
It is also true that jealousy, to a certain extent, is an absolutely normal feeling when we have someone close to us we really care about .
We do not want someone to make this person away from us, if we see that he pays attention to someone else we immediately feel a little scared and insecure.
This type of jealousy is due to purely instinctive issues .
In fact, all of us, from a purely genetic point of view, are looking for another organism with which to reproduce and when we find it, if we perceive the possibility that someone could take it away from us, we find ourselves scared at the very thought.
In these cases, however, it is appropriate to know how to distinguish between ” healthy ” jealousy and ” morbid ” jealousy .
The healthy one leads us to worry, maybe talk to our partner about it, but nothing more .
The morbid one, on the other hand, drives us crazy : we find ourselves checking phones and chats, spying on our partners, preventing him from even leaving the house, shouting at him phrases like “ either friends or me! ”And things like that.
In the event that your jealousy is morbid, know that you are on the right path to being left and, above all, that you should do something to increase your self-esteem once again.
WHO IS NEVER JEALOUS?
Be very careful of people who claim they are never, ever jealous!
It is true: it is possible not to be jealous of the partner but to do so it takes years and years of loving relationship that solidifies an already present mutual trust beyond imagination; sometimes even this is not enough to eliminate jealousy from the human being.
A person who is never really jealous ( and I’m not talking about those people who are but claim not to be jealous to appear “tough” ), could be very dangerous.
In order not to feel absolutely any jealousy, it is necessary to be convinced of being the ” absolute top ” of the universe, the thought that someone better than us can take away the person next to us does not even touch our head and, if this is the situation, then it means that the ” not jealous ” is an extremely egocentric and narcissistic person who thinks everything in the world is due to him: certainly not the best choice as a partner .
The alternative is not being able to feel emotions and, therefore, wanting to define this type of person with one word: psychopaths.
CONCLUSIONS
Jealousy, as you have read, can be a demonstration of real interest in a person, just as it can be independently provoked by past traumatic experiences or by a partner who treats us as people of no importance.
It does not necessarily have to be fought, feared but not even exalted: it just has to be understood .
Understanding the reason for our jealousy can make us understand many things about ourselves and about the people around us : we could understand that we need help, that we have to fix some outstanding issues in our life, that we have to cut the our relationship or, on the contrary, that we are living a relationship worth living.
My hope is that this article of mine can help you shed some light on your feelings so you can act accordingly.
