Today I explain how to increase self-esteem .
The main problem with self-esteem is that 99% of the tips and techniques I read on the internet or in books don’t last .
Today it works, you feel better, you seem to have gained good self-esteem, but a few days, or weeks if all goes well, and the self-esteem problems come back overwhelming .
Maybe even worse than before.
The main mistake is to confuse self-esteem with the judgment of others .
What they think of you, even the greatest luminaries in your industry , is, and always remains, their opinion, a subjective opinion .
That’s all.
Before starting take my test.
It will allow you to understand if you have healthy self-esteem or not, and how to develop it.
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Understanding how to increase self-esteem is impossible if you don’t understand this and if you don’t realize that the results you get are also of no importance.
Here it would take too long to explain everything, because today I want to focus on an approach that will help you to increase your self-esteem permanently, without future relapses. .
This is why I suggest you read a guide I wrote precisely to explain what self-esteem is , since even on this simple definition there is always a lot of confusion .
Instead, let’s get straight to the point!
How to increase self-esteem by learning to use your head!
Put simply, self-esteem is your judgment of your worth .
Imagine being a ring: how much are you worth?
Well, the price you make is your self-esteem .
Obviously anyone can give a different price, but one thing remains clear: the price is not the value of the ring, but only your evaluation.
Some ask themselves “How to have self-esteem”. the question makes no sense.
You have self-esteem, that is, you have an idea of what you are worth, of your general value as a person.
Increasing one’s self-esteem means improving what one thinks about oneself.
So whether you are of great value or not, little changes, because your self-esteem depends on what you think .
For this I will explain how to increase self-esteem by teaching you to use your mind.
This is not a trick that will lose its effectiveness tomorrow.
What I am explaining to you now is very simple, effective and we can compare it to when you learn to ride a bicycle.
Once you have learned, you will never forget, but you can always fall.
It depends on you.
I now teach you how to increase self-esteem, and how to make it strong forever . Then it’s up to you to act and think right.
All negative emotions come from fear
Fear is the basis of every negative emotion, and it is the one we feel most often, without perhaps recognizing it.
I made an ebook in which I explain what are the 4 roots that feed it and how to eliminate them . You will have several exercises and some stories to change your approach to fear and find that you don’t need it , and you can get to live a life without fear .
- What fear can do to you ( how it stops you).
- Why try it: the 4 roots(claims, addictions, selfishness and mental weakness).
- An exercise for each root.
- Some tests to find out if you are selfish.
- 2 tests (one really difficult) to understand if you are addicted to someone.
- I’ll explain how you can live a life without fear(showing you what steps you have to take).
I recommend it now because you can never get rid of your negative emotions if you don’t get rid of fear first .
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How to have self-esteem: the healthy one that makes the difference
What heavily undermines our self-esteem is above all the set of negative judgments and criticisms that we carry with us.
That your parents, friends, employers said it matters little. Eventually you believe it , they eventually become your beliefs and undermine your confidence in yourself, or yourself.
Since I don’t want to chat empty, grab a piece of paper and let’s start working together right away.
The first thing you need to do is write down one of the beliefs, negative thoughts , you have about yourself.
When I propose this exercise I feel all the colors: I don’t deserve to be happy, I’m good for nothing, I’m incapable, I can’t do anything, I’m stupid, I’m not intelligent, others avoid me, I’m a bad person.
The list could be very long, but you care what you think . Reflect on the beliefs that give you a negative view of yourself.
If it helps you, you might ask yourself this question : Why do you have low self-esteem? Why don’t you believe in yourself, or yourself?
A simple question to which you may also find several answers.
Write them all down if you want, but choose the one you consider the worst, because you always have to work on one negative belief at a time .
Done? Great!
Whatever you have chosen and written, you must find all the evidence to prove it .
I will give some examples, but the principle is the same, so follow what I do and apply it to your belief and remember that if you find it difficult you can leave me a comment and I will gladly help you improve your self-esteem.
Maybe your belief is that you are a stupid person.
Before asking yourself how do you know, there is a really important question to ask yourself: What does a stupid person do?
Whatever your belief is, try to define it .
Some people write to me that they feel like bad people. So I ask: what does a bad person do? What does he think or say, how does he behave?
Consider that we often think we are stupid because others have said it, have repeated it so many times that in the end we believe it.
First explain, writing it, what this negative belief you have about yourself consists of.
If you think you are stupid, or stupid, tell me what a stupid person says, thinks, does.
What do you recognize it from?
If I show you two people you’ve never seen and show them to you for a whole day, what makes you think they’re stupid?
What is the evidence of stupidity?
This also applies if you tell me that you are useless, or incapable or lazy.
You must always define what lazy, useless or incapable people do.
But this is only the first step. Immediately after having clear in mind what that negative belief means, let’s see if it is true.
Answer the next questions:
- When have you proven yourself stupid, or stupid?
- On what occasions have you proved stupid?
- Can you make a list of all the stupid things you’ve done ?
Of course, these questions are perfect for any limiting beliefs you carry around.
I assure you that often, when you look for evidence of your negative beliefs, you end up having a hard time finding them , or at least they are few, less than you thought.
A first step to increasing self-esteem is accuracy: you don’t have to think you’re a bad person without having real reasons to think so.
I realize every day that many of those who write to me do not know very well why they think badly of themselves , but they continue to think so!
Think of it this way: if you go to the doctor and he tells you that you have cancer, but it doesn’t show on any exam and he gives you vague reasons, he has no proof, do you believe him?
Certainly not, so why should you believe yourself if you think you are useless, or stupid, or stupid, or incapable without having precise proof of all this?
Look for them now and write them.
Remember, the opinion of others is not proof , just as it is not even if this opinion is shared by all those who know you.
Here we want objective, concrete evidence .
Write them all down and then let’s move on to the next step: look for evidence that proves you wrong .
Let’s continue with the example that you are stupid, or stupid.
You defined what stupid people do, and you wrote down what proves you are.
If you think about it you should review in your behaviors, in your words or in your attitudes, just what you wrote at the beginning.
If you say a person is stupid, for example, because he uses long-sleeved shirts in the summer, but you don’t, doesn’t that mean something?
If the identikit of the person with the defects that you recognize, with the limitations you think you have, does not correspond with your way of being , perhaps it means that your belief is not correct, or at least not entirely.
The evidence you looked for earlier, the evidence that your negative belief is true, must match your definition of stupidity, or failure, worthlessness, and so on.
Now I want you to look for exceptions .
Maybe I think I’m stupid, and I actually remember many times when I’ve done stupid things.
But does it always happen?
Most certainly not.
You need to find exceptions to the rule , situations in which, on the contrary, you have not demonstrated this defect or this limitation, in which your negative belief is not true .
If I think I’m stupid, I look for times when I have acted intelligently.
Question whether your belief is true, look for exceptions to the rule that show, if nothing else, that you can sometimes act better than you usually think you can.
Do this job with a lot of precision , because these exceptions are fundamental, but not enough.
I am 100% sure that there is an exception, even one in your entire life.
I’m sure.
There is, you don’t have to ask yourself if it exists, you have to find it, it’s different .
At this point, if you are following me accurately, you have one of the negative beliefs that undermine your self-esteem, you have a negative model, you have evidence that you mirror this model and the evidence that it doesn’t always happen.
Let’s say I have black hair and I live in Rome, if I move to Florence, does my hair color change? (answer, center, trust ?)
No, right?
So if I get angry or happy, my hair always stays black. Quite right?
Well, if you were stupid, or stupid, or if you were incapable, or a bad person, you should always be . But you have exceptions.
The truth, therefore, is that you are not stupid, or stupid , but that sometimes, even often it does not count, you have adopted behaviors, words, gestures, thoughts, attitudes, stupid .
Or rather, what you define stupid .
And yes, because the model I made you write at the beginning is not an objective truth . What I call intelligent may be different from what you mean.
Not only are we the negative belief that you wrote, but it is not an unchangeable and objective thing either.
Do you remember that the price is nothing more than a judgment and not the value of the ring?
Remember that all your beliefs, your thoughts and so those of others, perhaps negative about you, are always and only subjective opinions, often wrong or at least they can be improved .
After this first phase of awareness, I’ll explain how to increase self-esteem with a job that must make you change your view of things and more.
We act!
Are you capable of living a happy life?
A few minutes and 10 questions that will allow you to understand if today you are capable of living a deeply happy life.
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Increase self-esteem by taking concrete action
The first thing you need to write is a list of all the times you’ve proven that belief to be false.
- If you thought you were stupid, or stupid, write down all the clever things you’ve done.
- If, on the other hand, you believe you are a loser, or a loser, list all your victories, even small and very small.
- If you feel that you are a bad person, write down all the good and good things you have done, for yourself and for others.
- If you feel useless, write down all the useful things you have done so far.
You found exceptions.
If you have not succeeded leave me a comment : as said it is not in question if there are, but only where and when!
These exceptions tell you that you have the qualities that your belief tries not to show you .
This list is for you to open your eyes.
Write it down, keep it long, and add new exceptions every day as they come to mind.
Read it often, because that negative belief works for only one reason: you have been repeating it to yourself every day for years, maybe, and it has become a habit in your way of thinking .
You have to change it by focusing no longer on mistakes and limitations, but on what is good and positive in you.
From today keep this list with you and reread it often , especially when this conviction comes back to you, to remind you ( don’t fool yourself !) How much you are worth.
The point is that the list is made up of concrete actions and things that you have done, really. I don’t want to fool you, no self-suggestion.
You’re just using your mind to remind yourself that you have more talent, skills and potential than certain negative thoughts want you to believe.
We are polishing the ring , that’s all, and now I’ll also explain how to make it shiny ?
After writing the list of positive things done, as opposed to negative belief, we work on your present and future.
If you had the qualities you think you don’t have, what would you do?
Be careful because this is the last step and will have a huge impact on your self-esteem and your life .
- You wrote that you are stupid, or stupid: if you were smart what would you do?
- You thought you were a bad person: if you were a nice person, what would you do?
- You wrote that you are an incapable person: if you were capable, what would you do?
Look no more for exceptions, ask yourself how you would change your life if you had those qualities you think you don’t have.
Actually now you know that, thanks to exceptions, those qualities you have and have sometimes emerged.
But if they were always yours, if today were a perfect day, when you feel great, what would you do? As?
One thing I have learned on my skin and which is the basis of coaching is this: you are what you think you are, the past does not matter and we create our life every day through our choices.
It is obvious that if I feel incapable I will make choices, if I think I can face any problem I will make others, very different ones.
Now you reverse the belief and ask yourself: if I were smart (or smart, confident, or confident, important, a nice person and so on) what would I do? What would I say? How would I act? How would I change my life?
As always, write down the answers you find.
Identify yourself with a person who has that talent, that value, those qualities that you think you don’t have.
And from today, do exactly what you wrote .
Don’t be deceived, I repeat, cultivate your talents .
If you thought you were stupid, or stupid, work hard every day to do smart things. You don’t have to pretend to be intelligent, you have proved it, you are, you just have to work at it, train this quality every day .
Train your skills every day, make the ring shine, show who you are .
Not to others, to yourself, or yourself.
A quick recap, we’re at the end ?
Change your life in 30 days
If you are reading my site, you want to change your life.
A little, a lot, completely , but you want some changes.
So I created a real practical manual (in digital format) that will guide you to change your life almost without realizing it.
The 10 simple steps that I will advise you to take every day will be small gestures, gradual and easy to carry out , but capable of changing the way you face life, with its challenges and problems.
Together with the manual you will also download the Checklist , which is a tool that will help you constantly check if you are putting into practice each of the 10 steps.
In addition, for each of the 10 simple steps , you will have practical advice, insights, answers to the questions I have received most often from those who have already tried this method and my direct experience with examples and personal anecdotes .
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Steps to boost your self-esteem
Here’s what you need to do:
- Read the page where I explain what self-esteem really is .
- Take one negative belief at a time.
- Describe a person who has these limitations, these defects, make a model of him.
- Look for evidence that you actuallyadhere to this model, try to understand what proves this belief to be true.
- Look for exceptions– what proves it’s false? When did you prove the exact opposite?
- Ask yourself what you would do if it were fake for you, if instead you had qualities and gifts that you don’t think you possess.
- Act as if you have them.
Remember that exceptions show that you possess these qualities . Already now.
There is no self-suggestion in what I recommend: you just have to open your eyes .
You will see that your beliefs are rigid, not always true, and that you have the talent and quality to do much more.
You will see that in the past you have proven that you can do it and that if you train , you will return to shine as you deserve.
As you can see, it is not a question of tricks, but of awareness of reality .
Here’s how to increase self-esteem.
By stopping seeing yourself in a distorted way and starting to discover who you really are, by acting in a new way.
You must focus on your qualities, always present and real , instead of letting yourself be immobilized by wrong and useless beliefs.