f I do my best, I can’t lose. Maybe I won’t win a gold medal, but I will definitely win my personal battle. It’s all here. “

– Ian Thorpe

Among those who want to change their habits, there is a key difference between those who succeed and those who fail.

The key difference lies in the ability to develop resilience and make it a habit too .

Resilience is the ability to recover when things don’t go as planned , to remain positive, encourage us, forgive us, get up again, shake off the dust and start again with renewed enthusiasm.

To learn and grow through difficulties .

On the contrary, those with poor resilience tend to be discouraged when things do not go as expected, complain, blame themselves or others, ignore the problem and do not try to find a solution.

Let’s take an example.

Imagine that I want to change my eating habits … so I have defined a plan that includes fruit for breakfast, a salad for lunch and scrambled tofu with vegetables for dinner.

Great plan!

But then , during the week, I have to go to a business meeting, I have a family party, a 3-day trip to Milan and then my son’s birthday party.

During those days, my wonderful plan could go bust.

At this point I have two alternatives .

I can surrender, let go , repeatedly ” go over” and then get guilt-ridden.

Or I can be indulgent towards myself, make some small changes to the plan for this week, encouraging me and maintaining an attitude of positivity and trust.

It is clear that the second approach is the one that will allow me to make the desired changes in the long run .

But how can we manage to develop resilience and make it a habit?

Here are some tips to do it:

Create the right expectations.

When we start making changes in our lives, we often create unrealistic expectations.

Abdominals sculpted in four weeks!

But when we actually try to meet these expectations, it is generally quite difficult to live up to them .

This happens when we try to achieve challenging goals in a limited time frame .

In the long run , however, we are often able to make greater changes than we originally thought we could.

So make sure to set realistic expectations , set long-term goals through a set of many small steps.

Reject logic entirely and immediately.

Any long-term change requires planning and constancy .

Develop adaptability.

If your weight loss program does not proceed as expected, do not blame yourself first .

Perhaps the plan is unrealistic or too ambitious.

Then, instead of complaining and throwing away your good intentions, frustrating what has been done up to that moment, learn to correct the shot and readjust your program.

Remember, the excellent is the enemy of the good.

Define a program in line with your current possibilities and circumstances, honing your ability to adapt to changes and variations

There are a thousand ways to adapt a plan or method.

When things go wrong, look for a way to adapt , don’t give up.

Don’t blame yourself.

This is a fundamental point, but most people tend to do exactly the opposite: when things go wrong, you are guilty, you are mortified, it is incredibly hard on yourself.

This kind of reaction is completely unnecessary and can keep us anchored to old habits for years.

Instead, we must learn to be kinder to ourselves when we are not up to what we aspire to be.

When we disappoint ourselves, it is important to know how to forgive ourselves .

Be compassionate , observe your own suffering and start wishing to ease it.

Want peace for yourself .

Start being loving yourself, whatever you do, be it right or wrong.

Don’t ignore the problems, deal with them kindly.

That said, not blaming yourself doesn’t mean you have to ignore the problem or pretend it never happened.

If you’ve quit your training schedule or stopped meditating … don’t ignore the problem, don’t escape it .

Instead, focus on the problem and look at it kindly.

It is as if you are with a crying baby: is it better to ignore him or try to help him?

Address the problem with tranquility, sweetness and balance .

There is no need to escape, it only brings more pain.

Don’t stop encouraging yourself.

Find for yourself the words of encouragement you would use to help a friend in need.

Look how good you have done so far.

Even after a failure, learn to remain confident and positive .

Continue to look at opportunities, taking advantage of the mistakes made.

Pay close attention to the thoughts that run through your mind.

Find support from others.

Likewise, we can receive encouragement from other people .

Ask friends and relatives for help.

Talk to someone who has faced your same difficulties : he will be able to give you valuable advice and indications on how to manage the situation.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

We are not alone – many other people have fought our own battles and are ready to support us.

Learn to persevere.

Stay positive when things go wrong.

When you fall, get up and get busy with even more determination.

Work even deeper.

If you constantly put this type of approach into practice, you will be able to handle any difficulties that arise .

Your path to change may be rough, full of obstacles, but nothing will stop you if you maintain a positive attitude and continue to engage with self-sacrifice, confident of your skills and loving with yourself.

If you exercise it constantly, the habit of resilience can change your whole life .

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