Did you know that sympathy is a skill that can be learned? That person that you see always smiling and kind may not have been like that in his childhood but, over the years, he has been able to learn to show more social closeness .
We would be talking about social skills , which are a set of capacities that help us to relate to others and to the world around us. We can find listening, starting a conversation, asking questions , asking for help, asking for forgiveness, being empathetic, etc.
Learn sympathy
As we have said, sympathy can be learned through the development of social skills and assertiveness . «In the case of being nice , we can develop the ability to listen to be able to better understand the person with whom I speak. Surely this makes the other feel good and improves the image they have of me. All social skills can contribute to being more sympathetic, so their learning will be very important “, says health and clinical psychologist Laura Fuster ( @laurafusterpsicologa ).
It will be important to communicate with the other person in an effective way and train active listening. To have sympathy for someone it is important to be kind but also know how to mark our limits and know how to say no. “In our practice, we often see that these points cost people a lot of work and create complicated relationships and personal discomfort”, explains the expert of Psychologists in Valencia .
Empathy and sympathy
Sympathy should not be confused with empathy because the main difference between them lies in the ability to understand the emotions of others.
While sympathy is defined as the ability to detect what another person is feeling, but without necessarily understanding it, empathy is the ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. «An empathic person detects the emotions of others and is able to understand them even if they do not share them or even if they do not feel the same in those situations. An act of sympathy is when you catch the laugh of someone who is happy. Empathy would be to understand why that person is happy at that moment, “explains the psychologist.
Fake sympathy
How many times have we labeled as hypocrites those who have been nice when it is not linked to their personality. However, this does not mean that they are. Feigning sympathy is the order of the day, and can occur for many reasons: «In our office we always analyze thoughts. For example, it may be that you are nice even though you don’t feel like it because you think the other person might get angry. In this case, surely you do not express what you feel or think and this can cause you discomfort. In this particular example, being nice could work against us, ”says Laura Fuster.
Another example could be being nice at work when you don’t have a good day: “In this case, the effort may be worth it because you foster a good work environment and it can benefit you if you coincide with your boss,” he says.
Therefore, we usually say that the indicator is discomfort . It is good to know how to detect when being nice is leading me to keep opinions, feelings or, ultimately, to stop being myself.
