Distrust, obviously, is the opposite of trust, and arises from the insecurity and uncertainty of being able to have a bad time: «Not placing trust in someone means not expecting something good from that person, because it can fail us and, if it fails us, we will have mentally prepared for that to happen. We are on notice, ”says Patricia Fernández.
Although it seems that there are clear and concise characteristics of the people who give us the least confidence, the truth is that there are not, it is simply an accumulation of attitudes , acts and / or motives that can generate it, especially if we associate them with experiences past.
“There may not be a clear motive as such in others, but probably there is in the person who has that distrust. That is, in consultation, there are usually people who are distrustful of generating emotional ties (partner, friends …) for fear of being hurt as in the past, but obviously, the damage is also done to themselves … Why? Because it implies being in constant alert and fear that what they fear will happen, or do not even try to generate links because of said fear, “warns the psychologist.
It is not bad to be suspicious, but it is not good either. All in perspective. “Just as trust is something that is earned over time, distrust should also be. It could be an exaggeration to fully trust a person without knowing them since we always start from a percentage of uncertainty, lack of control … but just as exaggerated and bad it would be to distrust someone so much to the point of not wanting to know them ».
These people, in general, have suffered, have failed and betrayed them … and then, they begin to develop a series of defense mechanisms so that this does not happen to them again. And they become friends of mistrust. Those protection mechanisms, if we do not know how to manage with it, can turn into destruction.
Curb mistrust
«The person who is distrustful usually knows that he is. It’s like ‘if you don’t know if you’ve had an orgasm, you haven’t had one’ this is the same. Being suspicious implies having behaviors and / or thoughts that tend to avoid and / or negatively interpret people and things ”, explains the psychologist Fernández.
To stop making anticipations, interpretations, and judgments about people we don’t already know, we need to be as realistic and objective as possible . That is, that they have hurt you in your past does not mean that they will do it to you in your future. Many times, these judgments are based on disproportionate and maladaptive thoughts that can be cognitive distortions. “Objectively, we have to rationalize what proofs of reality we have in that person / situation / thing that makes us distrust. If we do not know that person and he has not given us reasons, the most adaptive thing would be not to distrust, “he advises.
