We live in a society where the management of painful emotions struggles to find space. This is why it is so important to learn and create a mindset of acceptance of emotions.
We live in a society where the management of painful emotions has a hard time finding space. First of all, with an emotion we mean a very intense sensation produced by an event, an idea, a memory, etc.
Why are negative emotions necessary?
There are various classifications of emotions and one of these is the one that distinguishes betweenemotionspositive and negative . Traditionally and socially emotions are categorically divided into good and bad. But this is incorrect, there are no right or wrong emotions, useful or useless. All emotions are necessary for survival.
A negative emotion does indeed give us an unpleasant sensation, but at the same time it contributes to our survival. In fact, they are to be considered alarm signals that, if ignored, can lead to serious risks. Our emotional sphere, in order to function, requires the integration of all emotions, both positive and negative. From an early age, we internalize that negative emotions should be avoided.
As a society, we do not want children to suffer, but when it happens, we immediately try to eliminate their suffering by distracting them or telling them that there is no reason to cry . Even if done with the best intentions, this leads children to internalize that painful or unpleasant emotions must be suppressed and ignored. This creates adults who are unable to access their real needs, unable to express and accept what they feel.
The tendency is therefore to ignore what we feel in the hope that it will go away. In reality we know that what we do not understand and do not give the opportunity to be expressed comes back in the form of somatization, binge eating, substance addiction, etc. In addition to ignoring or not accessing that level ofawarenessWe often judge the emotions we feel . For example, thinking that sadness is equivalent to being weak is one of the most frequent concepts in our society, and not only.
Why is it important to recognize negative emotions?
Based on the circumstances in which we find ourselves or have found ourselves in the past, we have learned that certain emotions are more acceptable to express than others. Research conducted at the University of Oxford has highlighted the categories of thought that we tend to have regarding negative emotions . For example, what I feel:
- it’s too strong and can’t be handled
- it’s wrong and/or ridiculous
- it doesn’t make sense
- it’s useless
- can cause suffering to others
This causes an additional burden, in fact in addition to the burden of the emotion that is felt there is also the judgment that hangs on what is felt. This leads to the tendency to react to negative emotions :
- Blaming yourself for feeling what you feel
- Obsessively analyzing what you feel, why you can’t get over it, and why you can’t be as happy as others seem to be.
- Trying to minimize and hide them when we are with others
- “Treating them” with alcohol and other substances
This is why it is so important to learn and create an emotional acceptance mindset , where we give ourselves the time, space and permission to feel what we are feeling. It is not easy: the voice that tells us that what we feel is stupid, useless, “weak”, etc… will be there, but as we practice, the volume of the voice will become increasingly feeble.
Therepsychological therapyhelps in this, creating a non-judgmental and non-blaming space where you can express everything you feel and experience and giving practical tools to learn to accept negative emotions.
“ Maybe you don’t want to feel anything now, maybe you’ll never want to feel anything. A father in my place would hope for all this to go away, pray for his son to land on his feet, but I’m not that kind of father. We strip away so much of ourselves to heal so quickly that we’re bankrupt by the time we’re thirty. And we have less to offer every time we meet someone new, but forcing yourself to feel nothing so you don’t feel something…what a waste. You feel the sadness, the pain, don’t kill it, just like the joy you felt.”
Cit. “Call me by your name” (2017)
Do you have any doubts or curiosities? Contact me, I will be happy to answer you.
