How many times have you regretted writing something without thinking? Often emotions do not allow us to think rationally, and we do stupid things: we ruin relationships with colleagues, friends, family and loved ones.
David Spinks is a wonderful person. The Feast project, of which he is a co-founder, is dedicated to helping busy people develop the habit and skill of cooking healthy home-cooked food for themselves and their loved ones. However, today we are not talking about courses for beginner cooks.
Email is still the most popular form of communication, and today we bring you David’s thoughts on why any negative email sent is pointless nonsense.
I have learned a lot about what makes for good communication in business. I also know about the things that cause anger, drama, and failure.
There is a common philosophy that applies to all of these situations, and this philosophy has proven itself to be very successful for me personally – in several jobs, over several years, in dealing with very different people.
Negative emotions in emails are something that will always come back to haunt you. Never try to put negativity into text. For such situations, there is voice communication and personal communication “face to face”. I have made this mistake many times (and still do), and I have seen other people do the same.
Every time I sent a negative email, I regretted it. Every negative email I received caused me stress.
It’s not that these emails are emotional. I think it’s perfectly normal to share emotions, negative and positive, when you work closely with other people. It’s just that email isn’t the right way to do it.
In this case, you need to clearly distinguish between constructive criticism and personal negativity. If you send a negative review, doing it without emotions, just with a call to become better, to improve, then everything is fine. But as soon as emotions begin to seep into such a text, remove them from the letter.
This article is based solely on my personal experience, and perhaps some people will find these thoughts incorrect, but if you look at the problem as I do, then these thoughts are definitely worth publishing.
So why are emails with negative emotional connotations a bad idea?
1. Tone, body language, eye contact
Were these words written with sarcasm, anger, or sadness? I have no idea. But I am built in such a way that I will assume the worst. Such a text looks to me full of rage, anger, and disgust.
It doesn’t matter how complete your text looks, how many emojis it contains, and what kind they are – the recipient’s perception of your emotions is beyond your control. You have absolutely no idea how the emotions you put into the text will be interpreted, and you can easily be misunderstood.
2. War without winners
Correspondence boxing is always cruel 🙂 You can latch onto any word your opponent says. Take phrases and expressions out of context, think about them for a long time, and reread your answer 17 times before sending it.
This is not a conversation, this is a battle. You are simply trying to out-argue each other and prove your case instead of working towards mutual understanding and moving forward.
Result: everyone is a loser, the problem is not solved, the relationship is ruined.
3. Ready, set, wait
The thing about email is that the time between responses can be very long. Unlike a conversation, where you are standing in front of each other and discussing a problem, an email can just sit there in your inbox and quietly rot.
When I receive an emotional letter, I wait. It happens that the wait drags on for several days before I can talk to the person in person. All this time, the text I received sits in my head, I periodically think about it, try to understand the thoughts and motives of the person who wrote it, and what I should do with their negativity. It is really depressing.
This passive form of communication is great for coordination and information sharing, but not for emotions – save them for a face-to-face conversation.
4. He freaked out
The most emotional letters are written on emotions. In this state, we are capable of saying and doing things that we will deeply regret.Calm down and give yourself time to think before you give a thoughtless answer in the heat of the moment.
How to Replace Emotional Emails
So, you’re literally bursting with the desire to respond with emotion to emotion, and you need something to replace the likely textual drama. What to do?
1. Offer to talk
When I want to send an emotional email, I write it and save it in drafts. But I don’t send it. Instead, I write an email like: “I have an idea, can we call?” Then I agree on a date and time to talk.
When someone sends me an emotional email, I simply write back: “Let’s talk about this on Skype.”
These simple actions help me stay sensible. I successfully maintain good relationships with other people.
2. Everything has its time
We have a good practice of organizing special sessions for expressing emotions. Every week we set aside time to talk to each other. We exchange thoughts, feelings, fears, worries, dissatisfactions. We go somewhere in nature, in a park, away from computers, take tea and just talk. In this way, we rid ourselves of the very reasons for which these negative emails can be sent.
During such heartfelt meetings, you additionally get a good view of yourself from the outside, you see the prospects of the company. Most of the decisive decisions made regarding Feast were made during such conversations.
3. Write, but don’t send
One of my friends always does this when he gets angry. He writes a letter, but doesn’t send it. In the process of transferring negative emotions to the text, he feels better. Along the way, he begins to think about the situation, and he always comes to a conscious understanding of why this letter needs to be deleted.
I did exactly the same thing. Sometimes I wrote letters to people in my personal diary, and I felt much better.
However, if you have no other choice but to send an email, then send it. It is still better than keeping your feelings to yourself. But if there is even a remote possibility of talking about the problem in person, wait for the right moment and resolve the issue constructively.
