We often attribute mistakes to others that we ourselves have not figured out. However, there is a simple way to get rid of this habit.
Have you ever been late? Not because you overslept or took too long to get ready, but because force majeure circumstances arose that delayed you. I’m sure it happened. But have you always managed to convince the people waiting for you that it wasn’t your fault, but just a coincidence?
Whatever the answer, I’d venture to guess that when someone is late for a meeting with you, you’re tempted to blame them for being unpunctuality, no matter what the real reasons for the delay are.
This article will discuss why other people’s mistakes sometimes seem unforgivable to us, while we tend to justify our own by the influence of external circumstances.
What is attribution error?
Exaggerating other people’s mistakes is normal. There is no need to worry about it, because everyone has this psychological mechanism. It is called the attribution error and sounds like this:
We tend to explain other people’s actions by their personality traits, and our own behavior by external circumstances.
We encounter examples of this phenomenon almost every day.
But justifying your actions isn’t the worst thing that the attribution error can do. It’s much worse when its impact spills over into your relationships with people. I’ve heard stories more than once of someone blaming another person for their terrible character , and then, when confronted with criticism, blaming it all on outside influence.
Few people, when they meet a rude person who behaves inappropriately, think about why he became like that. First of all, we express our attitude to his personality. But in this way we only confuse cause and effect and cannot correctly evaluate the actions of people and ourselves.
Understanding the attribution error itself allows you to look at many relationship problems in a new way. However, knowing about it does not answer the question: “What to do?” Therefore, I offer several simple rules that will help you avoid this psychological trap.
How to stop blaming others
1. Look for an external cause
As soon as you find yourself in an unpleasant situation because of another person, answer yourself the question: “Are there reasons beyond his control why he could behave this way?” Rely only on the circumstances and put judgments about the person’s personality into the background. After all, our entire character was formed under the influence of many circumstances.
Once the answer is found, your emotions will begin to subside. They will be replaced by an understanding of why the person acted this way and not otherwise, and you will not judge your close friend, significant other, or business partner.
2. Empathize
Once you find the reason, anger and disappointment will be replaced by sympathy. After all, you begin to worry about the person who may have gotten into difficult circumstances.
If this feeling does not come immediately, then just put yourself in this person’s place. Yes, he is late, but what if he needed to help his family or an unexpected work situation arose? What would you do?
Sincerely empathize with the person instead of looking for reasons in his character. Then you will not only save yourself from negative emotions, but also will not blame the person in vain.
3. Don’t live in the past
When I learned about this psychological trap, I began to replay the events in which I had to fall into it. The first feeling I experienced was guilt for how I assessed others in such moments and how I justified myself. I also felt anger because those around me, in the event of their guilt, covered themselves with circumstances.
But in order for these feelings to stop pressing on me today, I began to take care of myself and stopped living in the past .
When you realize your mistakes, learn to look for the reason for other people’s actions and empathize with them, you will stop blaming others and self-flagellation.
Finally
Attribution error is hard to get rid of. After all, we all want to be sure that all our merits belong only to us, and that problems just pour in from the outside.
But life is diverse. And sometimes situations arise in which our words and decisions lead to negative consequences. It is worth admitting this at least to yourself. Why? To know that you can act differently.
Those who believe that others’ successes fell from the sky and that their own failures are the result of the vicissitudes of fate are unable to achieve success or build long-term relationships.
