The beauty of the Italian language, especially its profanity, is that it perfectly expresses a basic concept like “shitty day.” In fact, “shitty day” means a day when you can’t wait to get to the end, when even suicide seems like an attractive solution.
This list is dedicated to the few optimists left, to those who, thanks to some drug or pact with the devil, always manage to see the bright side of things; you too will have bad days, there’s no point in denying it, so I want to help you get through it by putting aside your fantastic perfect world just for one day and focusing on surviving at all costs.
For the Highlanders of these days, however, this will only cause a slight feeling of déjà-vu.
#1. Just as the early bird catches the worm, the bad is felt right away. Embrace that feeling that tells you everything is going to go wrong and prepare yourself.
#2. A chain of bad luck, big and small, will follow you throughout the day, faithful as Fantozzi’s rain cloud.
#3. Everyone will ask you what’s wrong: ignore them.
#4. Everyone will try to console you: ignore them again.
#5. Some ignorant and brave soul will try to tell you that it could be worse or that you are exaggerating or that everything is not as bad as you say: try not to kill them with the dirty look you will give them.
There is no point in making a shitty day worse with a manslaughter charge.
#6. Your phone will die, because it’s a classic.
#7. And you won’t have your charger with you, so you’ll have plenty of time to spend with your misery.
#8. Away from technology and at the mercy of your own thoughts, you will begin to feel like the protagonist of some depressed novel and you will question the great dilemmas of life; while everyone who passes by you will seem to live in the fairy world of Little Pony.
#9. The only thing that will keep you going through this endless day will be the thought of going back to bed and forgetting everything that happened.
#10. Oh no, I haven’t found a solution to shitty days yet, but if anyone has any miracles to recommend, please let me know.
