One of the biggest pains is finding out that you have been betrayed. Knowing that the person you put all your trust in did something that has the power to destroy a relationship built for many years is devastating. However, is cheating only when one person has sex with another person? The answer is no. There are many types of betrayal, which go far beyond sex and can be far more complex than we think. In today’s text, we will talk about 15 of them and how a couple can do to overcome it.
In today’s text, we will address the following topics
- Betrayal and its meanings
- 10 types of betrayal, according to John Gottman
- 5 types of betrayal, according to Science
- Reasons for the betrayal
- How to overcome a betrayal
- Recognize that conflict is inevitable
- It doesn’t have to be the end
Betrayal and its meanings
Betrayal is a common synonym for case. A betrayal is a broken agreement, implicit or explicit, considered vital to the integrity of a relationship. However, there are many ways to betray or feel betrayed by our partner, who looks as bad as an extramarital affair.
The danger is that none of them will recognize him, swearing his allegiance and running away from marital problems. When, in fact, there are other sources of infidelity and betrayal and there is no action on the subject, the relationship can move towards divorce.
10 Types of betrayal, according to John Gottman
Dr. John Gottman, one of the most respected academic researchers in the field of marriage and family and author of What Makes Love Last: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal, described 10 ways to betray a partner in addition to sexual betrayal. He explains that relationships are built on the foundation of trust, and the erosion of trust in a relationship begins at the seemingly insignificant moments.
For example, you can choose to welcome your partner or go away from him when he needs you most (consciously or not). Choosing to walk away from someone when you need their support or attention invites mistrust. They no longer trust you to be there for them. Over time, this constant withdrawal turns into a feeling of betrayal and, finally, into a broken marriage that leads to divorce, even in the relationship there was no infidelity, in fact. Below are the behaviors that are considered types of betrayal.
1- Conditional commitment
You or your partner are keeping your eyes open for something “better”. It’s that old story: “I’m here for you … until something or someone better appears”. The partner is not fully involved in the relationship and any incident can decrease the intimacy and support the other receives
2- Intimacy without sex
It involves a supposedly platonic relationship with a third person. Having a friend (at work, at the gym, at the cafe) with whom you share personal details with which your current partner would feel uncomfortable.
Being dishonest will erode security in your relationship. Even if these are lies to avoid conflict, they can be toxic. Lies that are spoken to keep the peace are a breach of trust. If the person is a chronic liar, then a psychotherapist can help to break the habit.
4- Alliance Against Partner
When a partner includes family members or external friends in the decisions, constantly criticizes the spouse, or allies himself with his parents against the problems, the relationship can fall apart.
By sharing personal complaints about your partner with relatives or friends, you can unwittingly intimidate him. It is important to remain silent about marital conflicts and not to involve those who may be able to use this information against him.
5- Absence or Coldness
Failing to prioritize each other in a time of emotional need can have a devastating impact. It can happen when someone needs the support of the other (positive or negative) and the person is not available or is simply not present. So the person who is “betrayed” responds coldly, since he feels abandoned, but does not want to give his arm to cheer. Here both participate in the betrayal.
Loss of sexual interest
There is no more sexual attraction and there is also no interest in reviving the desire between the couple. There may be a number of reasons why sex is no longer a priority, but if they are not said, it can result in a feeling of betrayal. These reasons include occupation, stress, negative body image, criticism, not feeling nourished, incompatible sexual impulses or physical / medical problems. When issues are not addressed in an honest and loving way, hurt and rejection can consume the relationship.
A loving relationship is not about a person having the advantage – it’s about holding hands. If a partner makes someone else feel inferior, uses frequent curses, sarcasm, always shows that they have the advantage, he is being disrespectful and creating the poison of distrust in the relationship.
Disrespect can include correcting grammar, criticizing, rolling your eyes, cursing, insinuating lack of intelligence and anything to say how you are above the other person. It is a form of betrayal and emotional abuse.
Life can be unfair, but long-term, loving relationships must be havens against injustice. However, mutual satisfaction in a relationship only happens when neither partner feels that he or she is being taken advantage of and the needs / desires of both are met equally. For example, expenses, division of labor or how free time is spent need mutually satisfactory solutions. Betrayal happens when one party imposes its will and stops listening to the other.
Happy couples understand that sometimes each of them will give up their own needs for the common good. However, resentment occurs when altruism is not mutual, when the partner refuses to make necessary sacrifices for the benefit of the relationship or family (if you have children). Self-centered behavior can negatively impact the relationship.
10 – Breaking Promises
A pattern of disappointments around broken or broken promises can undermine trust between the couple. People who always break promises can, even without meaning to, send the message: “You don’t matter”.
Unfulfilled promises may include, for example, secrecy or control over money / resources, a combined attitude change at the beginning of a relationship (such as following a religion or having limits with in-laws) or addiction, etc.
5 types of betrayal, according to Science
According to some experts, there are five definite types of betrayal, two of which may not even involve your partner. See what they are:
11- Physical Betrayal
Being physically intimate with someone who is not your partner is generally considered cheating unless you are taking a break. The level of the betrayal depends on what is agreed between you and your partner. For you, is a kiss considered a betrayal, or only when two people have sex?
12- Having sexual fantasies about other people
It is normal to fantasize about people you find attractive, regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship. However, the danger of betrayal occurs when thoughts about the gardener lead to “unsafe or dishonest” behavior.
In other words, if your fantasies about the gardener lead you to spend all your time picking weeds in the garden when your partner thinks you are doing something else, it can become a problem.
13- Having loving feelings for another person
Also known as “emotional infidelity”, the lines for this betrayal can be a little confusing. Essentially, it comes down to having feelings for someone else. Infidelity comes into play when secrecy is involved, that is, you only see that person behind your partner’s back.
However, some experts argue that these feelings only count as infidelity, they need to be put into practice. If they simply remain in your head, it would not constitute infidelity.
14- Financial Expenses
Hiding your drinking habits from your other half can be considered a form of infidelity. Betrayal happens when such expenses affect the couple and, even so, the traitor insists on hiding his expenses, whether for personal or professional reasons.
15- Virtual Betrayal
This is one of the types of betrayal that is becoming increasingly common and can be divided into two types. The first is implicitly sexual, meaning you spend time giving likes on ex-relationship Instagram posts or flirting with people on dating apps.
The second can be described as cheating on your partner with your smartphone, as you spend more time interacting with your social media followers than with them.
However, some experts claim that this can only really be considered infidelity if there is a hidden reason involved that can lead to extramarital activities, such as sexting or spending a disproportionate amount of time in online chatting.
Reasons for the betrayal
Betrayals can happen for a variety of reasons, but some can be explained according to certain types of behavior. See what they are:
- Ordinary – Betrayal happens for any reason , but there is no emotional connection or later connection. For example, a person goes to a party while traveling and stays with someone.
- Ordinary in series – It occurs systematically, several times, however, as there is no emotional connection, the person does not consider it a betrayal.
- Emotional – When you are in a strained relationship with someone and are emotionally involved with a third person.
- Low self-esteem – It happens when someone has low self-esteem , considers themselves ugly and needs to win people different from the one next to them to feel attractive.
- Ponte- Unhappy people in their relationship get involved with someone else because they don’t have the courage to break up with their current partner. So betrayal serves as a bridge to separation.
- Need for the new- People who are never satisfied, who always seek new stimuli and cheat to feel the excitement of the new.
How to overcome a betrayal
The ability of a relationship to recover from betrayal has a lot to do with the betrayer’s responses to the situation. The more open and non-defensive they are, the more likely they are to resolve. When both partners are engaged, the probability increases exponentially. </ Spanstyle = ”font-weight:>
The lies and denials that are used to cover up a transgression can do much more harm than the betrayal itself. Even if the lie is never discovered and the offense is not revealed, there can still be great damage to the foundation of the relationship. Trust is inevitably sacrificed, even when secrets are not detected. Most, but not all betrayals and acts of fraud, can be cured. Although there is no generic model to apply to these situations, there are some guidelines that can facilitate the recovery process.
Recognize that conflict is inevitable
Conflict is a natural part of your happily ever after. Every relationship has a conflict due to different values, beliefs and philosophies of life. When these differences are discussed with clarity and respect, the couple experiences greater intimacy.
t doesn’t have to be the end
Most couples start their relationships wanting everything to work. Your intentions are good. Just as it takes time to build trust and security in each other, the shaking of trust can also happen over a long period. Knowing what to do to strengthen your relationship, as well as knowing that it can destroy it is essential for the two of you to build a solid relationship.
The types of sexual and emotional betrayal are a serious blow to a relationship, but it doesn’t have to be the end. Couples who have the emotional courage to face the problem and change can create a much more meaningful and intimate relationship after infidelity