What exactly is self-love? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), self-love is respect and concern for one’s own being or satisfaction. But did you know that self-love is actually a rather controversial construct throughout history? It was very often perceived in a polarized way, i.e. either as downright bad (narcissism, egoism) or downright good (personal well-being, well-being). So how is it “sort of in the middle”? So what is healthy self-love?
What exactly is self-love?
Henschke and Sedlmeier (2021) asked this exact question. They conducted 13 interviews with regular psychotherapists, psychotherapists engaged in the self-love form of publishing books and articles, and psychotherapists and coaches with many years of experience in group activities focused on self-love. The interview questions were focused on the specification of self-love and its components. The resulting analysis provided a preliminary model of self-love with three main themes:
- Self-contact as paying attention to oneself
- Self-acceptance as being at peace with yourself
- Self-care as self-protection and self-care.
Research on self-love has great difficulties in the methodology across cultures, however, we can look at the related self-esteem (self-esteem), which was compared across countries (Schmitt and Allik, 2005), when among the 5 countries on the first ranks in self-confidence, Serbia was placed, Chile, Israel, Peru and Estonia. And the Czech Republic? 50th out of 53 countries compared. However, global data for the current period would be interesting.
How to incorporate self-love into your life?
Sharon Martin (2019), a psychotherapist, summarizes in a few points what self-love can hide in. So her individual points that satisfy her:
- Say positive things to yourself ( note. Notice how you talk to yourself. Don’t you call yourself swear words? , how you feel and what it makes you feel. And is it really helpful to talk to yourself like that?)
- Forgive yourself when you make a mistake or mess up
- Notice your own needs
- Be assertive
- Do not allow others to take advantage of you or take advantage of you
- Keep your health and mental well-being as a priority
- Spend your time with people who support you and have your best interests at heart
- Ask for help
- Let go of the resentment or anger that is holding you back
- Recognize your strengths
- Appreciate your feelings
- Make healthy choices most of the time
- Live according to your values
- Pursue your interests and goals
- Motivate and overcome yourself
- Hold yourself accountable
- Treat yourself to healthy treats
- Accept your imperfections
- Set realistic expectations
- Track your progress and effort
How to learn these aspects?
It takes time and self-kindness. Sharon Martin says that self-love differs from narcissism in that the kindness shown to yourself is one that you show to others in about the same measure. So you are as kind to yourself as you are to others. For example, the following can help with the individual steps:
- consciously noticing how it manifests itself in my life,
- writing down some important points (diary, journaling), e.g. emotions, situations, things for which I am grateful,
- consciously talking to yourself, allowing yourself to make mistakes,
- focusing on situations where I am critical of myself and imagining how I could speak to myself more kindly,
- indulge in rewards
