Punishments yes or no? Some characteristics of “chastisement” can make the moment of scolding educational and functional to change.
The education of children still remains a complex field on which debates and disputes are animated both between parents, but also between educators, teachers and other professionals. In the past, the most active discipline was that based on punishment and authority , today much less used, although sometimes exceeding in excessive laxity and the absence of an educational line.
The role of punishments opens up a world that sees parents, and others, divided between those who consider them extremely important and effective for education and those who, on the other hand, do not consider them within their own educational conduct. There is no more correct line than others, each family and context is unique and each child responds to different styles in a unique way .
What has been observed is that punishments are not always negative elements, but they can be effective and functional if they have important characteristics.
Effective punishment: better if immediate
Especially when they are young children struggle to understand and realize the passage of time, living in the here and now, so if they do something wrong it is important that the consequence comes immediately and is not postponed until later.
The underlying reason is that in this way the child has the opportunity to understand that the activated behavior leads to unpleasant and negative consequences, such as the anger of mom and dad and maybe a small punishment, such as not being able to play with a game or a friend for a short time.
In this way the punishment takes on an educational value , impressing in the child’s head a teaching of an association that in the future he will probably try to avoid.
Punishments: better if private
“ Praise in public and criticize in private ” (Vince Lombardi) a phrase that contains a profound meaning for educational purposes. In fact, the punishments must be given privately to the child and not in front of other people, perhaps the friends with whom he was playing or spending time. Receiving public criticism, in fact, can be mortifying and have negative effects on self- esteem , on one’s self-esteem and on the possibility of establishing relationships and interacting also out of shame and a sense of inadequacy .
On the contrary, it is very useful and functional to praise and reinforce in public , for the improvement of self-esteem, the sense of self-efficacy and the consolidation of a desired and functional behavior.
Punishments: best associated with an explanation
The punishment given without any explanation assumes for the little one an imposition that is not understood and that often does not activate a change, an element that should be the ultimate at the basis of any punishment.
Therefore, in order to activate a modification or extinction of the unwanted behavior, through a punishment, it is important that the child is explained what he did wrong and why, using an age-appropriate language , calibrating the words, the tone of voice and also the punishment to the gravity of the act performed and therefore give meaning to the punishment itself.
Punishments: better if short
Precisely because the expected result is a change in behavior and an awareness of why a mistake has been made, the punishment must be short-lived to allow the child to remedy what has been done, to demonstrate that he has understood.
Furthermore, where the principle of brevity in punishing is respected, the punishment is made even more feasible over time and effective, since the child will be moved by slightly negative emotions for a certain limited period, which will help to activate a change.
Giving long punishments, on the other hand, risks generating a loss of effectiveness because after many days children can no longer pay attention to what mum and dad decide and devote themselves to something else. For example, if you decide that you don’t use a specific game for 10 days, after a while your child may no longer want to use that game and use something else, thus losing the goal of punishment.
Focus on behavior
When punishing or criticizing it is important that it is specific to a behavior and does not interest the person. It is the thing performed that is wrong and not that executes it, so it is good to use phrases such as ” this thing you did is wrong because … ” ” you did something a bit unpleasant or bad ” and not “you are wrong, you are unpleasant or bad “. In this way the child has a reference on the action, which must be changed, he understands its dysfunctionality but does not receive accusations against himself and his self-esteem .
Punishments: better if activating
A method of punishment that could be used is to involve children and young people in something they do not like , such as tidying up the house, helping with cleaning, setting the table, etc. In this way unpleasant emotions are activated and at the same time it helps to understand how each action has consequences.
Similarly, it is good to praise or reinforce adequate and functional behavior , also helping to understand the positive effects of adequate behaviors.
These are just some of the characteristics that predispose to a more effective and educational punishment, remembering however that punishments must be rare and given only if strictly necessary. Instead, using the reinforcement of the behaviors that you want to consolidate or teach can be a good and more effective alternative.
