Preparations for the wedding: guest list, venue selection, party venue, bride and groom dress … photographers, presenters, actors, jewelry … lots of problems and I want to anticipate everything to make this day special !!! Is this the only preparation for marriage?
Pre-marital time is full of important experiences:
- Relationships change: Two people decide to take a big step – this is a step closer. And intimacy has two aspects: one is the joy of being with a significant person, the other is a meeting with a real person, first, with a real person (their boundaries, interests, habits, emotions) —and often this meeting is very effective. Different emotions and experiences (maybe joy and desire, maybe anger, resentment and then frustration).
- Two people form a couple and bring their past experiences to this couple (past childhood experiences, past relationships experiences), and this experience can have a bearing on building real relationships. The inner workings and insights of each are important here: “What do I bring to our relationship from the past – and what imprint does it have?”
- The situation of the couple between close relatives changes – and there may be some exceptions here: parents (especially those who are in close contact with children) cannot emotionally release their children to a new life, then there is a third person in the marital relationship, but mb, and the fourth – and There is a kind of confusion in the relationship between husband and wife. Husband and wife do not have enough space to form a marriage.
- During this time, many experiences and assumptions, and even dreams, have been put into practice! In addition, in both women and men, this often happens at an unfamiliar level. These promises are often “ideal” images of relationships, “suitable” pictures of a man and a woman interacting, “ideal” pictures of the wedding event itself … often these pictures are not fully understood by partners, they build relationships, they run into “incompatibility”. , Hidden conflicts can occur.
During the pre-marital period, the bride and groom pay close attention to the wedding arrangements (and often these works also have their own meaning, I will write a separate article on this subject), and sadly, sometimes the psychological preparation for marriage is in the shadows. The way forward awaits couples in many ways, from the moment a strong relationship is established …
In this article, I would like to emphasize the importance of some “actions” at this time.
- Understanding the personal meaning of marriage: Why do I need a family? What are my interests?
- Knowing their own feelings related to marriage: Maybe there are some fears ?? Then it is good to know what these fears are, where they come from and where they are going. There may be other emotions — obligation, guilt, sadness … feelings always indicate something important to us — and it is good to listen to them.
- I understand why I chose this person as my partner.
- Take responsibility for your relationship with your spouse.
- Expectations from partners, sticky assumptions. It is good to describe each other in the family relationships you want to see in each other – in one year, in five years (when the children are born).
- Clarify each other’s values - understand what is meaningful and valuable to each couple. In my opinion, because of differences in values, many couples are actually divorced.
- Ability to communicate, listen and build agreements – Build boundaries between a man and a woman.
- Conflict ability, viz. Explain to each other what is unpleasant in the relationship – and find a way to satisfy everyone’s needs by explaining each person’s interests in the conflict. This is also about the boundaries in pairs.
- Realize your new situation – and rebuild relationships with your parents, build a couple boundaries.
In this article I would like to draw your attention to the importance of psychological preparation for marriage and this time between weddings, your own time and what is important to me and what I want, time to partner and explanation, and what is important to him and what he wants to understand in these relationships. Transparency, mutual understanding and building agreements. So in relationships, this time of intimacy is about socializing at all levels, both socially and personally.