Pregnancy is coming to an end. The birth is imminent and there are some things that the new mother is important to know.
The period immediately after giving birth, called puerperium , is a delicate time. Many women experience significant changes in mood: sadness, fatigue, crying, generalized anxiety, anxiety about the baby, confusion, migraines, insomnia, hypochondria, hostility toward the partner, etc.
These are dysphoric reactions , also known as baby blues (or maternity blues ), often experienced as a strong contrast with the period following a happy event . Increased emotional reactivity is very common and generally has a short and favorable course, so much so that some anthropologists (for example Sheila Kitzinger) consider it a physiological aspect of the postpartum period, a normal reaction to an important event that the woman has been anticipating for months. Being informed about the possibility of going through this short period of emotional crisis can help you deal with it better.
Several factors contribute to the onset of baby blues .
- Childbirth involves considerable physical and emotional stress , it is generally experienced with anxiety, joy, fear, feelings of loss due to the separation from the child and the loss of unity with him/her… Then you have the first contacts with the newborn, you can feel incredulity, happiness in seeing him/her, sometimes uncertainty in caring for him/her and breastfeeding him/her. It can happen that you do not feel the need to take care of the child, or not to hear from him/her right away. It is rare that so many emotions are concentrated in such a short period of time with an irreversible change of role: from now on you enter the status of mother, with all the feelings that this can stimulate. You realize that you have achieved success, sometimes perhaps with the sense of not deserving it, which on the one hand strengthens the female identity, on the other scares and puts you in front of great responsibilities in a moment of great physical fatigue.
- The environment in which you decide to give birth has its weight . The choice of hospital allows you to control many variables related to health: of the mother and of the newborn, at the same time however it has a high cost on an emotional and affective level because the hospital departments, however modern and oriented by the most current psychological and relational theories, cannot avoid asking the woman in labor to assume a passive role, like a patient, to respond with precise performances to certain stimuli, without her being able to exercise any control over the things that happen to her and in a sufficiently foreign environment. The sense of emotional vulnerability is often the psychological reaction of the puerpera who delegates the management of the birth to the hospital structure. It is a choice that must be made with this awareness.
- Other relevant issues concern the emotional climate in which motherhood is carried out , the quality of the relationship with the partner , how much help she can count on and how much she feels supported and protected in this new commitment. In this moment of great vulnerability and potential threat, the woman needs all the help, support, confirmation and affection possible. The expectation of help, centrality and understanding is amplified and so is the reaction to any disappointments. It is a moment of strong emotional dependence.
Let’s also consider that after giving birth the woman experiences:
- a certain loss of centrality : she is no longer the centre of attention of those close to her, as happened during pregnancy when she was surrounded by attention, which is now directed towards the newborn;
- a more or less intense concern for recovering from the physical changes that occurred with pregnancy and childbirth;
- the massive hormonal changes following childbirth , etc.
Managing a newborn is a feat, time seems to be marked only by the baby’s rhythms: feeding, changing, rocking, picking up, putting down, the mother may have the impression that time no longer belongs to her and that she has lost control and responsibility for her own life.
The birth of a child represents a great upheaval and all pre-existing personal and relational characteristics are amplified . You may feel empty and/or too exposed and inadequate if you have always tried to maintain a certain image in the eyes of others; inadequate as a mother for having given birth to a child who is too big or too small, too ugly or too whiny, or in any case not perfect; alone, weak, unreliable, helpless and on the verge of losing control, if you have always aimed at efficiency; unworthy of deserving a child like that, either just because the child cries, or oppressed by feelings of responsibility and not up to the situation with the fear of not making it.
The child then involuntarily solicits certain sensitivities : he responds to the state of mind of the person who takes care of him and it can happen that he falls asleep in the arms of his newly arrived grandmother and not with his exhausted mother, who has cradled him for hours. It is an experience that affects deeply, that has nothing to do with the mother’s abilities, but with her tiredness, for this reason it is important that she has help and support.
The birth of a child also puts tension on the couple’s relationship. The partner may find himself helpless and angry, unable to immediately assume his own responsibilities or react to the increase in responsibility with an increase in work activity (it is his way of coping with the increased family needs). He may experience the child as an intruder, feel excluded, become jealous and demanding, or start acting like a mother, triggering the mother’s jealousy and perhaps neglecting her.
The puerperium is a delicate moment for the balance of the mother and the couple . Problems are the order of the day and continuous pitfalls test the precarious balances laboriously achieved. However, it is an important opportunity for growth and if faced in a timely and constructive way – making conscious choices, foreseeing and asking for all the necessary help, seeking ample spaces for rest, maintaining and improving communication with the partner … – it will allow to articulate and consolidate the personal and couple identity.
The duration and intensity of emotional reactions to a major and stressful event – such as motherhood – are linked to personal history and reactivity. Raising a child inevitably means retracing one’s own history. Sometimes problems seem insurmountable because they arouse emotions and memories linked more to one’s past than to the child’s requests.
If childbirth and motherhood are part of a life story where stressful conditions pre-exist – due to negative experiences, bereavements, personal immaturity, problems in the couple’s relationship… the duration and intensity of postpartum dysphoria may be affected and become more significant mood swings that may require the support of a specific professional figure to allow the new mother to resume her life path.
