You don’t have to develop positive thinking to feel better.
1. Everyone should like you
No, actually. This attitude was relevant in prehistoric times, when human life depended on relations with fellow tribesmen and on being in a tribe. But since then we have had a lot of new options.
When I started publishing articles on the Internet, I was preparing for haters, expecting the worst. But that did not happen. Yes, someone didn’t like my lyrics. But I needed to find people who share certain interests, and I found them. If I tried to please everyone, my posts would be so empty and deceitful that no one would be hooked.
You don’t have to be liked by everyone. You have to be liked by some in order to be part of the community. Today this community can be scattered all over the world.
2. You must be competent in everything
Some years ago, someone told my mother that I was not good at housekeeping. Mom was offended, but I wasn’t, because it’s a fact: I don’t like doing housework, I’m not competent in this. But it’s okay, I’ll pass it on to someone else. This gives me the pleasure of having a clean house and nice smelling clothes, but I spend time doing things that are important to me, such as parenting and coaching.
Also, I don’t need to know anything to enjoy it. I am not a visual person, I prefer ideas. It doesn’t stop me from painting and posting to Instagram. Why waste pleasure just because there is no talent?
3. It’s terrible when things don’t go the way you want them to.
Life won’t always follow your plan. Find a way to accept it. Alternatively, try to mentally prepare for all of the options.
Tony Robins (motivational speaker, coach, and bestselling life coaching author) offers another idea: What if things go away for your own good? This is true. Some of the nicest things in my life happened because my plan didn’t work. If I had been hired by my dream company, I would not have found a job at Google. If our home had not been destroyed last year, we would not have moved to a tropical paradise this year. Has this happened to you?
Even if you do not believe that everything happens for some reason, you can believe in your resourcefulness and the ability to fix everything. Sometimes it ends up being even better than you planned.
4. If there is a danger, you have to worry about it.
My husband quit to leave this year with his family, and there was a risk that, when he returned, he would not find a good job. He could let worry destroy our vacation, or he could forget about it for a while and get things done at the right time. I’m glad he chose the latter. When we returned, he had two attractive offers.
Here it is appropriate to recall the statement of Mark Twain: “I knew a lot of troubles, but most of them never happened.”
5. Your past defines you
You cannot change the past, but you can change the present and the future . Don’t let what has already happened to influence you: deal with the uncovered gestalts and keep moving.
6. People and things should be different
I fall into this trap. My friends should do more for their happiness. My company should be less politicized. And my husband should be more open to my crazy ideas. This kind of thinking is only frustrating, and that is pointless. That is, that is, the world should not live up to my expectations. When I judge less and accept more, life becomes better.
7. You can be happy doing nothing.
Happiness is natural. My child is happy by default. This is the state into which a peaceful mind enters. But in today’s world, you must try to achieve it.
The last six months have been probably the happiest of my life, and I worked for that. She moved with her family to a tropical island. I started to train and doze during the day. She continued to improve in coaching. She wrote and created. Practiced gratitude. I met new people and made friends. I started going on dates with my husband again.
Everything needs training. Happiness may be a natural state, but you rarely achieve it by inaction.
8. It is easier to avoid responsibility and difficulties than to accept them.
I realized that this belief was false when I was 20. I had a toothache, but I was afraid to pull it out. Finally I went to the dentist and it didn’t hurt as much as I thought. In addition, the problem disappeared once and for all. Since then, I have known that it is easier to cope with difficulties than to try to avoid them.
Another example is related to parenting. The first years are difficult. But I believe that the more you invest in this time, the easier it will be further. You need to do a lot of work when the children are still young, but when they grow up, they will be more independent and self-confident. By accepting responsibility , you make life easier for yourself in the future.
Realizing all these irrational thoughts is already a huge step. The next time you catch yourself on them, just mark it. Consider if they help you achieve your goals. Let them calm down. So your mind will gradually move towards something more natural, more healthy beliefs.