Forgiveness frees the soul, takes away fear. That’s why it’s a powerful weapon,” said Nelson Mandela. He wasn’t wrong. The benefits of forgiveness are enormous. Science has shown that forgiveness is good for health, even if it’s not always easy to let go of resentment, especially when the wound is recent or particularly deep and touches our most sensitive parts.
The cost of bearing a grudge
Prolonged resentment, pent-up anger, and unresolved conflicts can end up affecting our health, not just emotionally but physically as well. Being hurt, disappointed and with a desire for revenge carries a huge psychological burden that not only affects us emotionally, but also physically.
Chronic anger, for example, activates fight-or-flight mode, which generates changes in the hormone level and nervous system that end up altering our heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response. These changes, maintained over time, something common when we feel resentful towards someone, increase the risk of developing various diseases. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a liberating agent.
A study conducted at the University of Alabama looked at the health benefits of forgiveness. Eighty-one adults reported a time when they felt particularly hurt or betrayed: some had forgiven and some had not. Then they were evaluated from the physical symptoms to the drugs used and the emotions elicited by the memory. It was found that people who had forgiven showed reduced responsiveness and tended to be in better health.
These researchers believe that the benefits of forgiveness are due, in large part, to the fact that it mitigates negative emotions and stress, in a way that acts as a protective factor for health. In fact, people who hold grudges are also more likely to experience severe depression and post-traumatic stress. Conversely, those who forgive more easily tend to feel more satisfied with their lives and experience less depression, anxiety, stress, anger and hostility. Forgiveness has also been found to release the anguish generated by keeping a wound open.
A study developed at Luther College in the United States found that forgiveness can act as a protective factor against the damage caused by stress. These psychologists found that people who forgive more easily may cope better with highly stressful life events and these generate less distress, so the impact on health is less.
In another study, these same psychologists followed a group of people for five weeks to analyze changes in their levels of forgiveness in daily life. They found that when they forgave everyday offenses more, their stress levels decreased. In turn, the reduction in stress caused fewer psychological problems and reduced physical discomfort.
What does forgiveness really involve?
The act of forgiving someone does not involve forgetting what they have done or giving up justice, but only allowing the desire for revenge to dissipate, combined with the willingness to give up resentment towards the person who has wronged us.
Therefore, forgiveness arises from an offense perceived as intentional by the victim, who initially reacts with an attitude of revenge. But it is followed by a reflective process, which can also take the form of cognitive rumination, through which the first emotional reaction fades to give way to an intentional act of renunciation of revenge.
Forgiveness is an active process in which we consciously make the decision to let go of negative feelings, whether or not the person who hurt us deserves it. Forgiveness is not an outward-facing act, rather it is a self-liberating decision. Interestingly, when we release anger, resentment, and hostility, we can begin to feel empathy and even compassion for the person who has hurt us.
Therefore, opening ourselves to forgiveness is not only a wise choice, but it can also help us protect and preserve our well-being. Our body benefits when we experience the positive emotions and feelings of relief and lightness that characterize forgiveness.
To enjoy the benefits of forgiveness and that this is not seen as an obligation, each person must respect their own pace of emotional healing. Enright’s model of forgiveness therapy , for example, is based on a 20-step system that allows us to progress through four of them: discovering the negative feelings we have about the offense, deciding to forgive, working on understanding who we are has offended and discover empathy and compassion for that person.
This model not only helps us forgive but also allows us to see the person we hold a grudge or vengeance against as another hurt human being, rather than stereotyping and defining them solely by their hurtful actions. This will help us let go of the grievance to free ourselves from the offense.
