Parents react to crying accordingly. Some let the child “cry it out”, others run to him at the first sob, carry him in their arms for several hours and rock him until the morning – if only the precious child does not cry. And everyone is sure that they are right.
But scientists have not yet been able to come to a common point of view.
For example, a group of Australian researchers from the Murdoch Childhood Research Institute and the Royal Children’s Hospital in Melbourne claim that tears do not cause any harm. On the contrary, they ease the emotional state and calm the nerves. Scientists observed 225 women with small children for several years. It turned out that children whose mothers allowed them to cry a little before going to bed slept better and woke up less often.
But British researchers have found that prolonged crying leads to increased production of the stress hormone cortisol. And this can harm the development of the child’s brain. In their opinion, leaving a crying child alone with his tears is not an option.
Doctors used to say this: a child can cry, but he shouldn’t get tired of crying, explains pediatrician Irina GANINA. – Long, inconsolable sobbing is not good for a child: it has a negative effect on the psyche. But the other extreme – when parents are ready to do anything just so that the baby doesn’t cry – is also harmful: the heir can grow up to be an egoist.”
A sensible approach
First, you need to understand why the child is crying. Tears in children under one year old are always a signal of some kind of trouble, a request for help. The baby wants to eat, drink, is hot (cold), wet, uncomfortable, in pain… For example, teething or stomach colic may be bothering him. Therefore, you cannot ignore the tears of babies. You need to do everything to help them. By the way, children under one year old cry on average 65 times a month. And this is normal.
But as the child grows up, he or she is able to cry not only out of “necessity”, but also because he or she really wants something. For example, the same red shovel as the girl in the sandbox. Moreover, the tears are often demonstrative, designed for “their” audience. For example, the child can tell his or her dad, “I’m not crying for you”, and put on a show for his or her grandmother or mother. Their hearts will surely tremble!
That is, crying often becomes a tool of pressure. And children use it with pleasure. And even experiment. For example, if the usual, “average” roar does not work, the baby can approach this matter creatively – throw a tantrum in front of dozens of people. If the parents rush to console him, he will use this technique more than once. Although, of course, “honest” reasons for crying – he hurt his knee, got scared, tired, overexcited – also remain. Therefore, parents, again, need to understand the reason for the crying. And act based on this.
What to do with the roar?
- You can distract the baby, turn everything into a joke, hug and say something positive (“It’s okay, it will pass!”). In a word, show him sympathy and support, but at the same time show that you can react to troubles without tears.
- You can’t get angry, swear, or whine: “Let me feel sorry for you, poor thing, you pricked your finger!” This will make the sobbing worse. You also can’t give in to provocations. If a child throws a tantrum in a store, demanding to buy a toy, calmly, ignoring the tears, tell him that you don’t have money. Crying even harder? Take him by the hand and take him outside. When he stops crying (and he will, because tears didn’t bring results), explain that you can’t always get what you want. Especially not with tears.
It’s funny that every year in Japan there is a festival of crying children – Naki sumo. During the festival, two sumo wrestlers take a small child in their arms and stand opposite each other. And then the battle begins… of children. Sumo wrestlers bring them to tears in every possible way: they make scary faces, make frightening sounds. If this does not “take” the children, a judge in a scary mask joins in. In the end, the children begin to sob desperately. Whoever cries louder and louder wins. From the outside, of course, this looks like complete mockery of children, but the Japanese themselves do not think so. They are sure that a good cry is only good for a child – he will be healthier. If it harms someone, it will be evil spirits. And these are not a pity. That’s why the festival was invented – to scare away all evil spirits.
