When a person is not in a relationship, his masturbation does not raise questions and even seems logical. But it also happens that a relationship starts, and one of the partners does not refuse masturbation. Then the second person may worry whether he is good enough at sex. A sexologist explained why people sometimes prefer self-gratification to sex and in what cases this becomes an alarm bell.
Why Do People Masturbate in Relationships?
It helps you get to know yourself . Masturbation is a way of self-knowledge. With its help, a person explores how he gets pleasure. Then he can share the experience with his partner so that sex becomes better.
It is easier to masturbate alone. It is faster, calmer, and less energy-consuming than having sex with a partner. Some people fight anxiety this way. Masturbation helps to calm down, fall asleep, get sexual release, and at the same time not disturb anyone, not invest in the pleasure of another person.
It is easier to achieve an orgasm this way. For some women, this is the only way to reach a climax. In the book by psychologist Laurie Mintz, “The Pleasure Point,” statistics are given: approximately 60% achieve an orgasm during sex. The rest achieve it only when alone .
Health problems. For example, a man has problems with erection, arousal or ejaculation. Because of this, he may be very nervous during sex. Masturbation in this case seems easier. Some people are addicted to masturbation , so they prefer it to sex.
Is it true that a partner masturbates because he doesn’t like sex or wants to cheat
One can only guess why a partner masturbates. Sometimes it is simply difficult for people to admit that they want more sex. Often such omissions occur in couples where people have different sexual temperaments . It is difficult to be a partner who constantly asks. In addition, a person may face condemnation and accusations that he has nymphomania, and only needs sex from a relationship. In order not to “get hurt”, he relieves sexual tension himself.
Masturbation can be simply a way to get pleasure. If a person does not have enough sex with a partner, this is how he helps himself to get a release. Maybe the partner does not want to cheat on you, so he masturbates, and does not look for someone on the side.
It happens that a person really doesn’t like sex. But only your partner can give you an exact answer. If you are worried, it is better to talk about your experiences with him.
What to Do If You’re Worried About Your Partner’s Masturbation
First, you need to understand what your attitudes are regarding masturbation:
-
Take a piece of paper and write down what it means to you. Think about who put these beliefs in your head, where this information came from.
-
Next to it, write down how attitudes influence your life and how they harm you.
-
Try to rewrite unpleasant attitudes in a positive way.
For example, when you were a child, your parents said, “If you masturbate, you will be shamed and no one will want to talk to you.” So now you find it difficult to satisfy yourself independently and accept your partner’s masturbation. Think about how you can rewrite this statement: “People can masturbate, and it does not affect their relationships with others.” Return to this thought every time you feel unpleasant or anxious again.
It won’t hurt to share your feelings with your partner. Tell them why you’re worried. Try to choose your words carefully: don’t blame or judge – this is unlikely to help establish contact. You can say: “I noticed that you masturbate, so I think I’m not good enough at sex. Maybe next time you want sex and I’m around, you could offer to do it together?” or “If you don’t have the energy for couples’ sex, can you let me know and do it behind closed doors so I don’t worry?” Choose a form that is understandable and at the same time correct.
If you are jealous of your partner, think about the reasons for your feelings. Perhaps it is related to self-esteem or a feeling of uselessness when your partner does not offer to have sex. Think about how he can show his love in another way. For example, by giving you compliments, hugging you more often, or giving gifts. Suggest other options to come to peace and feel needed and important.
What to do if you masturbate and your partner is worried about it
You can ask him directly what he’s afraid of. You’ll learn the reasons for his worries and understand what to start from. Maybe he’s worried that you’ll cheat or that he’s not good enough at sex. Depending on his answers, you’ll be able to explain your point of view and agree on conditions under which no one will suffer.
When is masturbating in a relationship not okay?
The main thing is that sex in a couple is mutual and suits everyone. If both are comfortable that the partner or both masturbate in addition to having sex, this is normal. But if suddenly you see that along with masturbation there is much less couple sex or the person has become distant, there is more aggression, and communication has become increasingly difficult, this may be an alarm bell. In this case, it is better to talk frankly and find out what is going on.
Is it ethical to ask your partner not to masturbate at all?
You can tell your partner that their masturbation upsets you. Explain why you find masturbation unacceptable and listen to your partner’s point of view. You shouldn’t insist on your own and demand, but you can ask them not to do it and offer other options, such as having sex more often. The other person can either agree to these conditions or not, if they want.