It happens that a person strives for something for a long time and persistently, spends years to reach the cherished goal, and then it suddenly becomes irrelevant. He wanted to get into big-time sports and become a champion, but it did not work out due to health reasons. Since childhood, he dreamed of becoming a singer, but realized that he lacked the ability. He was fired up by the idea of going to nature and doing farming, but then he realized that the city with its infrastructure and opportunities is still nicer than endless fields. Or he simply set a goal for himself, and it suddenly ceased to inspire.
1. Remember that it is completely normal to change goals.
A person who is re-evaluating their values, interests and goals may consider themselves frivolous, flighty and inconsistent. It may seem to them that this is not possible, that they need to stick to the chosen route to the very end and even through “I don’t want to” bring all things to completion.
However, psychologists and HR specialists think differently. The ability to change and turn in a different direction if circumstances have developed this way is a sign of a healthy personality with good self-regulation. Such a person is more flexible, adapts better to changes, is more willing to learn new things, and is less inclined to cling to the past at any cost.
So realizing that the dream is outdated and it’s time to move in a different direction is an important and courageous step and a reason to be proud of yourself .
2. Think about the downsides
Breaking up with a dream is a bit like breaking up with someone you once loved. At first, we tend to idealize our ex and only think about how good they — or our dream — were. But it’s important to assess the situation realistically and see not only the positives but also the negatives.
For example, while a person was trying to get on stage, he didn’t spend time with his family and forgot what his children looked like. While he was saving money for a house and a farm, he denied himself everything and hadn’t had a vacation in a thousand years. While he was doing professional sports, he developed health problems. While trying to develop his business, he often dealt with very unpleasant partners, experienced stress, and eventually became a regular client of a psychotherapist.
Don’t forget about all these moments. And if you are completely overcome by longing for the unfulfilled, you can even deliberately focus on the negative aspects – this will allow you to regret the “loss” less and look at things more soberly.
It will also be useful to think about the fact that now there will be more time for other things, and less stress, and that if you do not let go of an irrelevant goal in time, you will quickly get stuck in a hopeless activity and deprive yourself of interesting opportunities.
3. Allow yourself to “grieve”
Losing a dream or a goal is a kind of loss, albeit a small one. And it’s not easy for someone who has lost something important to just snap their fingers and stop being upset. You need to give yourself time to accept the situation — to get used to the idea of the loss, to grieve, to doubt.
And at this time, it is advisable not to rush to look for a new goal for yourself right away, otherwise there is a risk of rushing and devoting yourself to something that does not suit you.
4. Define your values
There is an opinion that what is most important is not what we do, what we dream about and what we strive for, but what interests and values are behind it.
Let’s say a person loves to be the center of attention, wants to make a statement about themselves to the world, influence people’s thoughts and moods – that’s how they imagine their mission. And there are quite a few activities that will help them realize it.
So, if he didn’t succeed, say, with an acting career, he can try himself in teaching, blogging, or working on the radio. And if a person loves animals, but realized that a farm is not for him, he can become a volunteer at a shelter.
Understanding your deepest motivations and values will make it easier to find a new purpose and a new activity.
5. Act in the opposite way
Sometimes, even old values become outdated, and with them, interests and goals. I dreamed of working with people, but realized that it was too exhausting. I thought about building a career in the creative field – and suddenly realized that I wanted something more stable and simple. I planned to have a big family in the future – but over time I came to the conclusion that it is more comfortable to be alone .
In this case, it is worth slowly looking for a new dream. Try different hobbies, meet and communicate with more people, enroll in courses. You can remember what you dreamed about before, including in childhood, and choose what to strive for now.