A natural reaction to your own unenviable actions can develop into obsessive anxiety and worry. To prevent this from happening, listen to the following eight pieces of advice. Forgiving yourself is easier than it seems!
Understand your emotions
Becoming aware of the emotions you are experiencing is an important step toward forgiving yourself. Research has shown that accurately identifying feelings helps to reduce their intensity. This approach also works with guilt and shame. Instead of replaying the traumatic situation, try to understand what you are feeling and why. Remember that emotions are often mixed: for example, you may feel anger and contempt at the same time. Pay attention to who the negativity is directed at – yourself or others?
Don’t keep it to yourself
Share your problem with like-minded people, and you will immediately feel better. However, if you are tormented by a sense of guilt, you should choose the addressee carefully. A person who can support you and understand your feelings will help you unburden yourself. It is better not to tell those who are prone to criticism about your regrets: they will only make the situation worse. The ideal option, of course, is a professional psychologist, but a good friend will probably do just fine.
Take responsibility
You can pretend as much as you want that nothing happened, but the feeling of guilt will torment you for years. Therefore, it is important to accept responsibility – this is already a step towards self-forgiveness. If you came up with excuses, tried to rationalize or justify your actions, for which you are now ashamed, it is time to face the truth. Did you hurt others? Admit it at least to yourself, this will save you from repeating mistakes and will help you rethink the negative experience.
Don’t judge yourself harshly
Conscience can sometimes be too strict a judge. Of course, it is important to soberly evaluate your actions, no matter how unsightly they may be. But you should not forget about compassion for yourself. Try to avoid self-flagellation, it will not lead to anything useful. If you are sincerely ashamed, you have probably already admitted your mistake, which means you deserve forgiveness. Have you drawn conclusions and decided to improve? Here is another reason to show loyalty to yourself.
Make sure that guilt is not imposed on you.
“Shame on you!” is a phrase that most people have heard since childhood. Unfortunately, adults do not always pay enough attention to children’s problems. As a result, parents can shame, for example, out of self-defense, raising a person without personal boundaries. Answer the question: what values and beliefs are associated with your oppressive feeling of guilt? Do they belong to you or are they imposed from the outside? Often people are disappointed in their actions only because they do not meet other people’s expectations and attitudes.
Replace shame with remorse
Taking responsibility can cause you to experience a range of negative emotions, and that’s okay because they motivate you to become a better version of yourself. Repentance means learning from it, but also letting it go. Shame can cause anger, feelings of worthlessness, and even depression—so deal with it while it’s fresh. Let the unpleasant episode in your life be a learning experience, not an open wound.
Look at yourself from the outside
Today, almost everyone has a smartphone that will help you see yourself from the outside, literally. Turn on the video recording and explain the situation out loud. Watch the recording after the break, this is a great opportunity to see the situation from the outside and evaluate the problem with a fresh look. As an alternative, you can even use a notepad.
Compensate for the damage
If you know a reasonable way to make amends, act. If you are ready to take the path of correction not in words but in deeds, soon there will be no trace of past negative emotions. This is not always possible, but you can use the principle of compensation in any case. For example, if you contributed to the dismissal of a colleague and it is too late to save the situation, you can come to the aid of other colleagues by doing a kind of work on mistakes.