These phrases are literally passed down from generation to generation. But think back to your childhood. Did they make your life better?
Because I said so
Once you think about the essence of this phrase, it immediately becomes clear: it is completely absurd. Imagine using it in an argument with an adult: at best, the interlocutor will think that you are out of your mind. It is impossible to gain respect by force, and declaiming your own superiority over a child will not lead to anything good. Do not be lazy in expressing real arguments in an accessible form. Children are capable of understanding a lot.
You don’t have anything of your own here.
Personal space is inextricably linked with a sense of security: a child needs his own territory, which serves as a shelter, be it a room or just a table. By repeating that the child does not own anything, you lay the foundation for a luxurious palace of complexes for his future life: the future adult may consider himself worthy of nothing, or believe that only material values matter. Probably, a person brought up under this harmful saying will find it difficult to take money for his work. You need to change your attitude: build communication with your offspring so that he knows: his opinion matters, even if the last word is yours.
We sacrificed everything for you.
Let’s be honest: the child has nothing to do with your decision to have him. And his maintenance and well-being are your direct parental responsibility, not a favor out of the kindness of your heart. If you think it’s right to build a commodity-money relationship with the younger generation, it’s better to say without unnecessary drama: “Let’s agree: if you continue to go to training, I’ll give you a new ball.” You definitely don’t need to make a victim of yourself: the child may think that all your misfortunes are his fault. And teenagers have enough of their own problems.
I can’t trust you with anything.
You are probably regularly let down by adults, and this is completely normal. Childhood is a time for experimentation and learning not only from others, but also from your own experience. Not every task is within the power of a child to cope with at the level of an adult – if you have entrusted him with an impossible task, be kind enough to praise him for those details that turned out well. A large-cut salad or a room that was not perfectly cleaned for the arrival of guests are hardly a reason to grieve and suffer. Calmly explain how it would be better to act next time, nothing more.
Can you do it like a human being for once?
Abstract thinking and abstruse theories are the prerogative of adults, children understand many things literally. If mom thinks that the deed was not done in a human way, then I am not a human. A seemingly harmless saying seems to deprive your child of dignity. Whatever he does, it will all be human. And mistakes are human. This is what you should tell your child instead of reciting an offensive toxic phrase.
You’ll drive me to my grave
Isn’t it a bit early for a child to be responsible for your death? You wouldn’t wish that on an adult. If your heir’s misdeeds hurt you for some reason and touch you deeply, tell him about your anxious feelings – it’s possible that he’s ready to meet you halfway for the sake of your peace of mind. It’s even stranger when this terrible phrase is heard on every occasion. You don’t seriously think that you’ll die because of your offspring’s abrasions on their knees or their disobedience, do you?
If you study like this, you won’t even be hired as a janitor.
It is at least bad to lie. The absence of a medal upon graduation from school has never ruined anyone’s life: there is no direct connection between good grades and future success. In any case, the desire for exemplary knowledge should be justified. Instead of meaningless threats, show your heirs real prospects: for example, offer to enroll in programming courses in a game form or give a microscope. Your task is to help develop in the area of knowledge that is interesting to the child, and not to scold for the lack of passion for the entire school curriculum at once. After all, studying is really not easy at all!
They are not your company.
If a child has ended up in a particular company, it means that he already has something in common with his new acquaintances, and your task is to understand what the interest is. Only then will you be able to show the child the whole picture and explain your vision of the situation and the essence of fears and anxieties. Any categorical orders from parents are more likely to provoke protest behavior than lead to the desired result.