Discover the top 10 myths surrounding motherhood and learn how to debunk them with practical advice and insights. Embrace the reality of motherhood and find confidence in your parenting journey.
You have to share all your toys and eat from a plate, but you also have to hug strangers… It’s up to you! Raising a child is not easy. Every now and then someone comes along ready to question everything you’re doing and stamp their foot to say that your way is wrong.
You have to share all the toys!
“No, children do not necessarily need to share all their toys, especially with strangers. Sharing is an important social skill, but it is essential to respect the child’s individual limits and preferences. It is important to teach them about sharing, consent and autonomy, promoting a healthy balance between sharing and respecting their own limits. For example: think about what you would do if another adult wanted to see your cell phone. It is a process of adjustment, adaptation for both parties, one who will have to give in and the other who will have a limit, including objectively requesting that the parents return it.” – Larissa Fonseca.
Eat it all!
“Forcing a child to ‘eat everything on their plate’ can lead to a negative relationship with food and affect their natural hunger and fullness cues. This can contribute to eating disorders such as emotional eating or developing an unhealthy relationship with food. It is important to teach children to listen to their bodies and respect their hunger and fullness cues.” – Tatiana Cicerelli Marchini
Give your uncle a kiss, daughter.
“Requiring a child to accept kisses, hugs, or physical contact from strangers can be harmful because it disrespects the child’s consent, compromises their emotional safety, can increase the risk of abuse, and violates their individuality. It is important to teach children about respect for their own bodies and
Allow them to set their own boundaries regarding physical contact. This helps promote their safety and emotional well-being. For example: teaching your child that accepting physical contact from strangers is a risk factor for sexual abuse prevention behaviors (if she has learned that she should allow touching and affection, why not now?).” – Larissa Fonseca
Stop throwing a tantrum!
“Tantrums are a common way for young children to express themselves, but it’s important to teach them healthier ways to deal with their emotions. Allowing children to express themselves is important, but it’s also crucial to help them develop skills to express their emotions in more constructive ways, such as using words to communicate their feelings and finding solutions to their problems. Setting clear and consistent limits is also essential to help children learn to regulate their emotions and behaviors.” – Tatiana Cicerelli Marchini
It was nothing, stop crying
“By saying this after a child has been hurt, we can devalue their feelings and pain, which can affect their self-esteem and ability to express emotions. It can also teach them to suppress their emotions, making it difficult for them to recognize and express their feelings healthily in the future. It is important to validate a child’s feelings by offering comfort and emotional support to promote healthy development.”
healthy emotional development. When something like this happens you can say ‘calm down, mommy knows what to do, don’t worry, I’m taking care of you, it’s just going to hurt a little longer’. Always tell the truth.” – Larissa Fonseca
We expect it from children, but not from adults…
Dr. Tatiana Cicerelli Marchini, Pediatrician and Neonatologist, shares other behaviors that we often demand from children, but not from adults:
- Staying still and sitting for long periods of time;
- Ignoring your own emotional and physical needs to meet the expectations of others;
- Controlling your emotions without support or validation;
- Following strict rules with no room for questioning or negotiation.
“Adults don’t always face the same expectations, and this discrepancy in behavior patterns can create challenges for children and highlight the importance of a more equitable approach to child development,” says Larissa Fonseca, Clinical Psychologist.
Learn to deal with lies and tantrums
- Tantrums and lies are part of children’s development, but it is possible to deal with them and the pediatrician teaches you how.
- Create an environment of trust: Establish an environment where honesty is valued and encouraged, and where the child feels safe to share the truth without fear of excessive punishment.
- Discuss the importance of honesty: Explain why it is important to be honest and how trust is fundamental in relationships.
- Avoid overreacting: If your child lies, avoid overreacting as this could scare or embarrass them. Instead, stay calm and talk about what happened.
- Reinforce honesty: Recognize and praise your child whenever he or she chooses to be honest, even if it means admitting a mistake.
- Explain the consequences of lying: Help your child understand the negative consequences of lying, both to themselves and others, and how it can affect their relationships.
Dealing with tantrums:
- Stay calm: Avoid reacting with anger or frustration, as this can intensify the tantrum.
- Validate the child’s feelings: Acknowledge the child’s feelings and show empathy, even if you don’t agree with the behavior.
- Offer alternatives: Help your child find healthier ways to express their emotions, such as using words to communicate their feelings or suggesting calming activities, such as taking deep breaths or counting to ten.
- Ignore inappropriate behavior: In some cases, ignoring the tantrum can help reduce its frequency, as the child will realize that he or she is not getting the attention he or she wants with this behavior.
- Reward good behavior: Positively reinforce good behavior and praise your child when he or she is able to calm down and deal with his or her emotions in a more constructive way.
How can we avoid acting this way with children?
We can avoid acting this way with children by adopting some strategies, according to Dr. Tatiana Cicerelli Marchini:
- Model healthy behaviors: Demonstrate how to express emotions constructively, respect personal boundaries, and resolve conflicts peacefully.
- Communicate clearly and respectfully: Explain the reasons behind rules and limits in an understandable way and listen to their concerns and perspectives.
- Empathy: recognize and validate the child’s feelings, helping them understand and deal with their emotions in a healthy way.
- Provide choices: Allow children to have a voice and choice in matters that affect their lives, within limits appropriate to their age and development.
- Set realistic expectations: Recognize that children are in the process of learning and developing, and should not be expected to act like adults.
- Learning and growing together: recognizing our own mistakes and being willing to learn from them, adjusting our approach as necessary to best meet the child’s needs, is the best way to evolve.