Summer begins and with this the period of the year in which some of our complexes and insecurities related, above all, to physical appearance, come to light, reaching the point that, if you have low self-esteem, it affects you and does not you are able to enjoy 100%.
Also in these times with the coronavirus health crisis, unemployment, cuts, ERTES, etc. Things may not go the way you want and that also affects you, but you need to keep in mind that you cannot control everything and, not because of this, you lose value as a person.
In addition, feeling loved, appreciated, valued, accepted, cared for and recognized by ourselves is a fundamental pillar for our lives. This allows us to enjoy well-being and be effective with ourselves and in our relationships with those around us.
That’s why this week I’m talking about self-esteem, one of the basic pillars to be able to enjoy who you are and the little things that life offers you, since self-esteem is essential to feel good.
But having said that, I am sure that self-esteem will be a very familiar word to you since it is a concept widely used in psychology and that appears frequently in self-help books, magazines and the Internet. But do you know what exactly it means?
The problem of self-esteem is in the human capacity for judgment, judging and rejecting oneself produces enormous pain, considerably damaging the psychological structures that literally keep you alive.
Content of this topic
- What is self esteem?
- self esteem levels
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- High self-steem
- Low selfsteem
- Keys to the development of self-esteem
- What do you need to improve self-esteem?
- How to improve self-esteem?
- Therapy to improve self-esteem?
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- Don’t miss my tips!
What is self esteem?
Self-esteem is being aware of yourself, your way of being, the set of bodily, mental and spiritual traits that make up your personality. It is the concept that you have of your worth and is based on all the thoughts, feelings, sensations and experiences that you have been collecting about yourself throughout your life.
The thousands of impressions, evaluations and experiences gathered in this way come together in a positive or negative feeling towards yourself. So they can make you believe that you are a smart or a stupid person; you feel unfriendly or funny; you like it or not But it is you who has the ability to define who you are and then decide whether or not you like your identity.
The problem of self-esteem is in the human capacity for judgment, judging and rejecting oneself produces enormous pain, considerably damaging the psychological structures that literally keep you alive. For this reason, self-esteem is essential for psychological survival and, consequently, for our mental health .
Your mental well-being is related to the way you face life situations when facing difficulties and using resources and abilities. Feeling like a valuable person is an essential condition for valuing yourself, caring for yourself, having satisfying affective relationships, opportunities for pleasure and personal fulfillment, and with all of this managing to maintain good mental health.
That is why the image you have of yourself influences the way you treat yourself, the way you treat others and the way others treat you. Self-esteem is essential to feel good because without self-esteem relationships with others and day to day can be very difficult.
In short, it could be said that human beings are self-aware and therefore have the possibility of giving ourselves value as people. This is self-esteem, everything we think about ourselves, how we feel about it and how we act in our day to day.
The level of self-esteem will influence the goals that you will set for yourself in life, how you face them, if you will go for them or if, instead, you will give up thinking that these, work, personal purposes or related to certain people they are not for you.
self esteem levels
Regarding self-esteem, we can establish two levels, one would be high self-esteem and, on the other hand, we could talk about low self-esteem. The level of self-esteem will influence the goals that you will set for yourself in life, how you face them, if you will go for them or if, instead, you will give up thinking that these, work, personal purposes or related to certain people they are not for you
High self-steem
Having high self-esteem means that you have a positive concept of your own worth as a person, you have confidence, appreciation and respect for yourself. You are happy with who you are and you are ready to enjoy the good things that life offers you every day. You feel that you are capable, strong and valuable, that you are able to achieve your purposes, so that others love you, to be successful and that things go well for you. It’s feeling deserving of good things happening to you.
So it could be said that the characteristics of a person with high self-esteem are:
- She is willing to defend her ideas and values, being able to modify them if new experiences make her see that she was wrong.
- She trusts her own judgment, without feeling guilty, even when questioned by other people.
- You are confident in your ability to solve problems.
- She is willing to ask for help when she needs it.
- He does not consider himself inferior or superior to other people.
- She recognizes and accepts different emotions from herself, both those that generate pleasant and unpleasant feelings, and expresses them.
- He is able to enjoy the activities of his life.
- Respect other people’s opinions even if you don’t share their ideas and values.
Low selfsteem
When your self-esteem is at low levels, problems will appear in many areas of your life, you will lack self-confidence to face the successive challenges that are presented to you from a positive perspective, and this means that your quality of life is not as good as it could be.
So that the lack of confidence decreases your ability to face multiple problems and conflicts, leads you to avoid commitments and, therefore, you do not tackle new responsibilities, thus depriving you of a greater richness in your life experiences, or Well, when you face new commitments, responsibilities overwhelm you. So it does not help to foster your creativity, since you do not trust your personal abilities.
In short, when you lack self-confidence, it is difficult for you to set your own goals and aspirations, so you act according to what is expected of you and not according to your own decisions.
Knowing this, the characteristics of a person with low self-esteem would be:
- She is very self-critical, judging and rejecting herself, which leads her to feel dissatisfied with herself.
- He has continuous feelings of guilt, blames himself for behaviors that are not objectively bad, exaggerates the magnitude of his mistakes or regrets them indefinitely, without actually assuming them.
- She is indecisive, not so much for lack of information, but for fear of being wrong. Take fewer social, professional and personal risks.
- She is hypersensitive to other people’s criticism, it is difficult for her to accept it, which makes her feel easily attacked.
- He has an excessive need to please others, he does not know how to say “no”.
- Shows a high degree of perfectionism and self-demand, you want to do almost everything you try without any failure, which can lead you to feel very bad when things do not go as perfectly as required.
- She tends to feel depressed, which makes her see everything black.
It is already from the age of 5-6 that we begin to form the concept of how your elders see you (parents, teacher, classmates, friends, etc.) and the experiences that you are acquiring.
Keys to the development of self-esteem
Self-esteem is shown through what you think about yourself, the acceptance of your abilities and limitations, and by assuming responsibility for your own life, it is already from the age of 5-6 when we begin to form the concept of how Your elders (parents, teacher, classmates, friends, etc.) see you and the experiences you are acquiring. This concept is not something static that one has or does not have, but rather it can vary throughout life.
So the most important aspects in the good development of self-esteem are:
Self-knowledge :
It means being aware of what you think about yourself, what you show to other people, how you talk about yourself, what you emphasize and what you hide. Knowing more about yourself entails recognizing the reality of your inner and outer world. It is about identifying those most problematic areas and realizing how they affect you, for example:
- Admitting that different aspects of your life are not fulfilling.
- Accept that you have not dedicated enough effort to something you want and yet you complain that it does not work out for you.
- Recognize that your spirits are low, that you barely enjoy anything, that you don’t really feel as happy as you say or want to believe.
- Realizing that you are avoiding talking about a topic that worries you for fear of having to assume the changes.
Starting from the knowledge of your needs, desires and objectives, that is, greater self-knowledge is the first step to be able to make a personal change such as improving your self-esteem.
Self-acceptance:
It is admitting who you are, your feelings, qualities, abilities and resources to function in the world. Analyze in which difficult situations you have succeeded, how you have achieved it, what resources have you put in place for it. It is also necessary to know what your defects and limitations are, analyze without falling into judgments and disqualifications and without letting them invade your whole person. By admitting who you are, you become aware of your choices and behaviors and this will give you the possibility to make changes.
Assume the responsibility:
It implies not waiting for other people to make your dreams come true, but facing the responsibility of your own life. This means being responsible for your time, your work, your health, in short, your well-being.
It should be pointed out that when we talk about self-esteem, we are referring to a global image, not just physical appearance.
What do you need to improve self-esteem?
As we have already mentioned, it should be pointed out again that when we talk about self-esteem, we are referring to a global image, not just physical appearance, so that in order to make a global assessment it is necessary to take into account the following aspects:
- Physical appearance
- Intellectual capacity
- way of being (personality)
- Social acceptance (social relationships)
- achievements in life
- Work or academic performance.
Only in this way will we really know what is the concept that we have about ourselves and therefore, what our self-esteem is like, knowing from the point that we started, now, in order to improve self-esteem, it is important:
- Accepting yourself as you are, this is the first requirement for change and for this you have to become aware of yourself by questioning yourself about your self-assessment and reflecting on the family and cultural models that are influencing the opinion you have of yourself.
- Control destructive criticismbecause what you think tends to come true, be it positive or negative, and therefore if you constantly send yourself negative messages, by internalizing and believing them, you end up acting in such a way that we facilitate compliance.
- Avoid comparing yourself with other people, since each person is unique and unique, it makes no sense to do so and, also, when you share you always find someone who in your eyes is better or happier.
- Believing that you are the most important being in the world for yourself:Knowing you, loving you, caring for you and saving you, talking inside yourself and not deceiving yourself. Live your life from your own projects.
- Surround yourself with good people, with full confidence, who can and want to support you and avoid contact with unpleasant people. Positive social relationships are essential to improve self-esteem.
- Focus on the things you enjoy:hobbies, activities, or entertainment that make you feel good.
- Address only the issues of the here and now, those that can be solved. The negative events that have occurred in the past no longer have a solution. What can be done now is to change the present and work for a better future.
- Remember past successes, not failures. When we remember past circumstances in which we have been successful, we find ourselves more willing to face difficulties with a positive attitude.
- Pamper yourselfand avoid living only based on duties and obligations. Having fun and enjoying daily leisure time helps to increase self-esteem.
Any time is good to set yourself the goal of building a positive and healthy self-esteem, and you can do it yourself. But in some cases, when you feel very lost and are not able to bring out the positive in you, the help of a mental health professional may be necessary.
How to improve self-esteem?
Self-esteem, as it is not something fixed, can be improved when you become aware of who you really are and decide to change the pattern of thought, feeling and behavior learned.
To improve self-esteem you can perform some simple exercises, which I list below, specifically these are 4 activities that you can do both separately and together
- Start by asking yourself the following question: How is your self-esteem?
The first thing you need to take care of your self-esteem is to know how it is. To do this, you are going to take a small questionnaire. This questionnaire will allow you to know which are the aspects of your self-esteem that you need to improve. Concentrate on each question, answer according to your feelings and your habitual behavior in each situation raised.
- Do you easily recognize your qualities, your positive aspects?
- When something goes well for you, when you put effort into a task or when you achieve something after fighting hard for it, do you give yourself a compliment or reward yourself for it?
- Do you accept yourself as you are or do you need to highlight the flaws and weaknesses of others to feel better?
- Do you accept your mistakes, failures, limitations and forgive yourself for them?
- Are you worried about what others think about your life?
Your answers are neither right nor wrong, you will simply know what assessment you have of yourself as a person. The answers are very subjective, therefore there are no correction criteria.
What I can tell you is that people with high self-esteem easily recognize their positive qualities, congratulate and compliment each other when they achieve something they have fought for, accept themselves as they are without the need to compare themselves to anyone. As for mistakes, they don’t spend the day blaming themselves for them, on the contrary, they forgive themselves and learn for the future. The opinion that matters to you is that of your loved ones, although you do not need their approval in all the steps you are taking throughout your life.
While those people whose self-esteem is low have many positive qualities but are not able to recognize them, because they think they have nothing positive or have never stopped to think about it. We are used to valuing others but not looking at ourselves and looking for our qualities. When something goes well for them they think they have been lucky, the effort made and the achievement they have achieved are not recognized. They are not accepted as they are, they are always comparing themselves to others to feel better and needing their approval in every step they take in their lives. They give a lot of importance to what others think about their person. They blame themselves over and over again for the mistakes they made, thinking about “shoulds” and not learning from them.
- Make a list of positive characteristics.
In order to improve self-esteem, it is necessary to reflect on how you are according to you and according to the people around you. You are going to make a list with all the positive characteristics that you see in yourself. If your self-esteem is low, it may be difficult for you to find positive traits, because you are only able to see the negative ones. For this, it is best to take another perspective and ask the people around you, those who love and value you, about the positive characteristics they see in you in the different areas of your life, this will open your mind and help you see the positive things in you. Ask about how others see you in:
- Physical appearance
- Relations with others
- Personality
- Professional or academic performance
- Carrying out daily tasks
- intellectual functioning
Once the list is made, place it in a visible place where you will read it every day, surely your way of thinking will change.
- Unleash your inner critic.
When you fail, a critical voice jumps inside you that watches you and judges you, making you feel weaker. Identify your inner critic when it appears, differentiate between what has actually happened and the exaggeration of your self-criticism, and rephrase your thoughts. This is the most effective way to improve self-esteem.
For example, if you fail by not achieving something, your inner critic will say: “You already knew that you were not going to achieve it, why are you trying, do you see how useless you are? It is time to change your thinking by taking your list of positive characteristics, you It will provide the reasons you need to realize that you are useful for a lot even if some things are not good for you or do not turn out as you want. Change the thought to “I’ve done my best, next time I’ll try again.” This way you focus on the real situation and not on the harmful speculations of your inner critic.
- My little time to pamper myself
You spend the day taking care of others, dedicating your time to them. Why don’t you save a little for yourself? Taking care of yourself is necessary to have a good self-esteem. You don’t need to do big things for it, sometimes simple details bring a great dose of well-being.
Pamper yourself and avoid living only based on duties and obligations, having fun and enjoying the things you like, such as reading, cooking, walking, sunbathing, all those activities that you find pleasant.
Think of nice little things you can do for yourself and every morning when you get up you choose one and a time to put it into practice.
In short, any time is good to set yourself the goal of building a positive and healthy self-esteem, and you can do it yourself. But in some cases, when you feel very lost and are not able to bring out the positive in you, the help of a mental health professional may be necessary . Psychological professionals act as guides, helping people to love themselves and to realize what makes them unique and special.
If you have low self-esteem, you may need to work with an objective professional to act as a mirror so that you can truly know, accept, and appreciate yourself unconditionally.
Therapy to improve self-esteem?
As you have seen with the previous exercises, there are things you can do for yourself to improve your self-esteem, but if you have low self-esteem, perhaps you could work with an objective professional who acts as a mirror so that you can really know, accept and appreciate yourself unconditionally. .
What will you achieve in therapy?
Improving self-esteem means acting on the three elements that compose it:
- Working on the cognitive componentmeans acting on “what I think” to modify your negative and irrational thoughts and replace them with positive and rational thoughts.
- Working on the affective componentimplies acting on “what I feel”, on the emotions and feelings you have about yourself.
- Working on the behavioral componentmeans acting on “what I do”, that is, on behavior to modify your actions. It is about identifying which ways of acting make you suffer, limit you, see who you have learned or copied from, question them and create your own models.
The three components are closely related to each other, so that by acting on one of them, we obtain effects on the other two. For this I use different techniques depending on the causes that are causing you to have a lack of self-esteem.
What are you waiting for to regain your confidence and raise your self-esteem?
Improving self-esteem is in your hand, I can accompany you and guide you until you achieve it so that in a short time you begin to see the changes you are looking for.
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