It’s a tough test, but there are ways to make the breakup easier for both you and your partner.Whatever the reason, breaking up is almost always difficult. But if partners are determined to break up, there are a few steps they can take to make the process less painful and to help them get through the tough times more safely.
Formulate the reason for the breakup
Most couples experience a relationship crisis from time to time. Therefore, it can be quite difficult to understand when it is time to end it and for what reason.
In addition, sometimes a lot depends not only on the partners themselves, but also on their environment or circumstances. Therefore, before making such an important decision, you need to make sure that you are not doing it emotionally, because you quarreled, were offended or angry, and not under pressure from other people, because your family, for example, does not approve of your choice. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself in order to establish the true reason for the separation.
Ask yourself: do you really want to break up or is this an attempt at manipulation so that your partner realizes that he is losing you and starts to correct his behavior? The second option is not the best way to improve the relationship.
If you are not completely sure that you want to leave, observe yourself and your partner and pay attention to the following points:
- What kind of relationship do you have? Perhaps it is more like a relationship between neighbors or a brother and sister, but not a couple.
- Do you discuss your experiences and important events in your life openly, without fear of being vulnerable?
- How often do you spend your free time together? Are these joyful moments or full of negativity?
- Do you have common goals, values, plans for the future?
- Is there physical contactin your relationship – hugs, kisses, touches? What do you feel – pleasure or disgust?
- When disagreements and arguments arise between you about your relationship, do you try to reach a compromise?
- If you have unresolved conflicts, do you both do anything to improve the relationship?
- Is there physical, emotional or financial abusein your life ?
- Are you happy with the relationship overall or do you feel like you’re not doing well?
Answers to such questions will help you analyze the situation, understand what is happening in the relationship, find and formulate the reason why you want to break up, and make a final decision.
Choose a time and place for the conversation
Unfortunately, there is no “right” time to talk. Nor is there a perfect way to break the news. You may be left with feelings of loss, regrets about the past or present, and a lot of accusations.
If your partner is unaware of your decision to break up, the sudden news will deal a huge blow to his psyche and self-esteem. Try to time it so that he has time to think it over and so that during this period you do not have to attend family gatherings, holidays or, if you have children, important school events together.
It is believed that telling someone about breaking up over the phone or writing in a messenger, rather than telling them in person, is the worst thing you can do. But here everything is individual.
Discuss practical issues
This is an essential part of the breakup process. No matter how difficult it may be emotionally, you will still have to discuss your daily routine and life sooner or later. The specifics will depend on your relationship and the factors that bind you together, but there are a few key points to consider.
Housing
This is a relevant question for those who live together. If your partner has ever moved in with you or you have moved in with them, try to set a realistic time frame in which they or you will be able to find another option and pack your things.
You will also need to determine who will move out and when if you are renting the apartment. And if you bought it together, you will also have to resolve legal and financial issues. These often become the cause of heated disputes, so you may need the support of a specialist who will represent your interests.
Division of property
This is another potential source of friction. To divide your joint property without too much of a scandal, try to be generous within reason. Make a list of what you would like to keep for yourself and ask your partner to do the same. Sometimes the sentimental value of some things outweighs their actual value. So if something is really dear to you, because, for example, it belongs to your family, then say so right away, before it’s too late.
If you share a pet, discuss who can take better care of it. Joint custody is not a good idea, especially when the cat or dog has to travel from one apartment to another and get used to new faces. The animal should have one home.
Relationships at work or school
This is a fundamental point for those who work in the same company or study at the same university. In this case, it is unlikely that you will be able to completely distance yourself from your partner. Therefore, it is worth thinking in advance about how you will announce your break in the team and whether you will maintain contact other than the minimum necessary for work or study.
Communication after a breakup
If your partner says “no” to the question of whether he or she wants to remain friends no matter what, accept his or her decision, no matter how painful it is for you. If you both still want to continue communicating in a new capacity, you need to clearly discuss what friendship means to each of you. This will help avoid misunderstandings and awkward situations in the future.
Raising children
If you have young children, you will have to be in contact with each other for at least a few years until they grow up. The decision about who they stay with can be a sticking point in a divorce, making things even more complicated. So try to discuss this issue peacefully.
Not only do you need to discuss parenting issues, but you also need to determine how and when you will tell them about your breakup. There are no hard and fast rules here – go with what is most acceptable in your family.
Take care of yourself
Even if you initiated the breakup and are confident that life without your partner will be easier, you may feel guilty. Especially if you are breaking up with someone who still loves you, or ending a relationship for a third person . It is important not to agree to remain friends out of guilt, and not to give in to your partner’s manipulation to get you back.
If you are leaving a relationship for nothing, you may have a huge amount of free time. Think about how you can fill it. For example, focus on a hobby, career, or communication with friends.