Often after the honeymoon period, you begin to feel that something is wrong with your partner. Or maybe something is wrong with you? A growing sense of anxiety and guilt is following you around? Are you doing everything wrong and are afraid to let your lover down? It is possible that you are dating a manipulator, says American psychologist Carmen Harra. The author of the book “Commitment: Finding Love and Faithfulness Through Seven Archetypes” told the Daily Mail how to recognize an emotional manipulator in a relationship.
He seems perfect to you at the beginning of the novel.
On the first dates, the manipulator will try to charm you in every way possible: in this way, he tries to win over the potential partner. However, over time, you will understand that this person behaves completely differently in society and at home. In public, the manipulator pretends to be an ideal partner, while in a more private setting, his true nature is revealed.
He loves power
“Don’t have any illusions: manipulators don’t fall in love with you, but with their power over you,” warns the psychologist. They like to feel their power, so from time to time such people can force you to do something you don’t want at all. For example, a manipulator will constantly point out the shortcomings of your friends and relatives – and so convincingly that you yourself will not notice how you believe him and distance yourself from them. In this way, he will not only amuse his vanity, but also solve an important problem – isolate you from society. After all, the more people from your inner circle know about him, the higher the likelihood that someone will see through him and warn you of the danger.
He can make you doubt your own righteousness.
A manipulator uses a variety of methods to gain control over you. For example, using the popular technique of “blaming others on others”, this person can convince you that it is not he who is the manipulator in the relationship, but you. A manipulator will never admit that something is wrong with him, but on the contrary, will try to prove that it is you who have problems.
He has no remorse
The manipulator is convinced that you should do everything the way he wants, when he wants. Such people do not experience ethical torments, they do not think anything of lying, cheating or even stealing from their partner to achieve what they want. The manipulator believes that the world revolves around him, and sincerely believes that the end justifies any means. Moreover, such people rarely respect others, so they use them only as tools to achieve the result.
It evokes negative emotions
A manipulator can confuse you so much that you can no longer understand whether you are being manipulated or not. In such a situation, a person begins to justify the incorrect behavior of their partner on a mental level. Even when the manipulator’s actions cause physical or psychological harm to the victim, she tries to justify his actions with logical explanations, and often she succeeds in doing so. To avoid falling into such a trap, you should turn off the outside noise and listen to yourself. Do you feel depressed, insecure, anxious in this relationship? Then it’s time to break off contact without entering into new negotiations and without risking becoming a victim of manipulation once again. “Listen to yourself: people lie, but intuition never does,” the psychologist reminds.