What will be your path in life and how ambitious goals you dare to set for yourself – it all largely depends on how you express your thoughts. If you often use vocabulary that indicates doubts and fears, then you will have less confidence in yourself, says Dave Asprey.
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Bestselling author of Brain Biohacking, Dave Asprey, interviewed the best of the best in various professions, some of whom were pioneers in their respective fields. All the tips and ideas have taken shape in 46 rules, with the help of which you can become smarter, faster and happier. Forbes Life publishes a chapter from his new book, Changing the Rules. What Helps Leaders, Innovators and Extraordinary People Win ”, published by Mann, Ivanov and Ferber.
My friend JJ Virgin is an expert in wellness and wellness. The New York Times has recognized this remarkable woman as one of the most successful and popular authors four times, and her research in nutrition has been a real salvation for hundreds of thousands of people. In addition, she trains medical innovators to disseminate and apply their knowledge so that everyone who really needs it will have the opportunity to effectively heal. A few years ago, JJ’s son, Grant, was seriously injured: he was hit by a car, and the driver hurried away from the scene, leaving the boy lying on the side of the road. Doctors said that there was no point in transporting Grant to the only hospital where he could undergo a complex operation, because either only the boy’s heart or his brain could be saved.
JJ did not even think to give up – she loved her son too much and was by nature a real fighter. Believing with all her heart that Grant would make it out, she walked the path to recovery with him. The boy underwent surgery, came out of a coma (this, according to the doctors, should not have happened at all), and after a while he was already able to read, walk and even run. The likelihood that Grant would survive was negligible. As JJ said, a combination of many factors led to recovery, from modern and highly effective therapy to experienced surgeons and the right diet. But the decisive role, according to my mother, was played by the fact that she vigilantly followed what the doctors say and she herself near Grant. When the boy was in a coma, doctors and nurses, entering the ward, were sure that he did not hear anything. But JJ neither to them, she did not allow herself to utter phrases that expressed doubt that the boy would recover. Being near her son, she felt that words can greatly affect the state of his body. JJ spoke aloud over and over again the sentences that sounded like her unshakable belief that everything would be okay. One of the doctors, entering the ward, said: “If he still comes out of a coma, then we will do everything possible so that he does not lose the ability to walk.” JJ immediately moved away with the doctor away from Grant’s bed: she did not want, because of such gloomy forecasts, psychological readiness for a bad outcome was fixed in her son’s body. that words can greatly affect the state of his body. JJ spoke aloud over and over again the sentences that sounded like her unshakable belief that everything would be okay. One of the doctors, entering the ward, said: “If he still comes out of a coma, then we will do everything possible so that he does not lose the ability to walk.” JJ immediately moved away with the doctor away from Grant’s bed: she did not want, because of such gloomy forecasts, psychological readiness for a bad outcome was fixed in her son’s body. that words can greatly affect the state of his body. JJ spoke aloud over and over again the sentences that sounded like her unshakable belief that everything would be okay. One of the doctors, entering the ward, said: “If he still comes out of a coma, then we will do everything possible so that he does not lose the ability to walk.” JJ immediately moved away with the doctor away from Grant’s bed: she did not want, because of such gloomy forecasts, psychological readiness for a bad outcome was fixed in her son’s body.
When Grant woke up, it was clear from him that he was 110% confident in his ability to restore health. He never once expressed doubts that he would be able to walk again. And in my opinion, there is nothing surprising in this. Apparently, the decisive role was indeed played by the words that JJ had chosen so carefully while in her son’s room. With the help of words, any of us can influence the brain and body, setting very specific expectations and limitations for ourselves. Our vocabulary is part of our mental software. Use it wisely and carefully, and then you will be able to achieve results that you never dreamed of before.
Perhaps Jack Canfield, the author of the legendary Chicken Soup for the Soul series, knows the most about the power of words. Several hundred million books in this series have already been sold, and Canfield once broke the world record when seven of his books were included in the same New York Times bestseller list. Jack sought to find out specific rules that help people fulfill their cherished desires, and described the most important results of this research in the book “Principles of Success. How to begin the path of fulfilling desires ”(The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be). In the interview, Jack and I discussed, among other things, the importance of remembering the impact of speech on self-development. It turned out that he has a list of “harmful” words that he recommends to his students and clients not to use.
Listen carefully and analyze everything you say as often as possible, and you will be able to get rid of the habit of unconsciously “programming” the brain for ineffective work
Curiously, I also have a similar list. I started it when, using biohacking, I began to properly analyze everything that I say during the day. And then one day I realized that I unconsciously pronounce a lot of such words and phrases, which reflect self-doubt. I recited them out of habit even when, using neural feedback, I went into a state of a high degree of awareness. My subconscious kept choosing words that prompted me to focus on small things and put off important tasks until later.
These harmful particles of the vocabulary I call “spineless words and expressions.” My people at Bulletproof know that if any of them show signs of doubt, laziness, or indifference at a meeting in a speech, then I will not leave this without criticism. Jack told me that he had empty jars in his offices for such occasions, and that one of his team members who suddenly utters the “spineless word” is supposed to put two dollars in one of the jars. This is not a punishment, but a way to demonstrate that pessimistic vocabulary affects the profitability of a common cause. Speech that is not polluted with gloomy expressions is a sign of correct thinking and decisiveness. Listen carefully and analyze everything you say as often as possible, and you will be able to get rid of the habit of unconsciously “programming” the brain for ineffective work.
Among all the “spineless” words and phrases, there are four especially dangerous ones that you probably utter many times a day. If they sounded out of your mouth in a conversation with me, I would draw your attention to them immediately (at least if you would have been nice to me by that time).
1. “I can’t”
It comes first on both Jack’s list and mine. This is probably the most harmful expression you use throughout the day. “I can’t” means that there is no chance to accomplish what I want.
Of course, there can be no talk of any kind of energy and innovative ideas in this case. But let’s figure it out. To say “I cannot do this” you are usually prompted by several reasons: a) you do not have enough someone’s support or help; b) you do not yet have the necessary means to achieve the goal; c) you have not yet come up with an action plan; d) you simply don’t want to get things done.
Or maybe you are at a loss because you have chosen a path that no one has yet dared to follow. You can only become the first on this path if you develop creative thinking that allows you to solve non-standard problems, and learn to use every opportunity to get closer to your dream.
In short, do not rush to call any of your goals unattainable. You may simply not need it at the current stage of your life, or, probably, the path to it is filled with many obstacles and requires courage and stubbornness from you. But this goal certainly cannot be unattainable.
Unlike consciousness, the subconscious part of your mind is unable to understand the true reasons why you use the expression “I can not.” She just listens to what you say. This difference between the two parts of your mind leads to the fact that heightened anxiety and internal contradictions arise imperceptibly. You can return to spiritual harmony and confidence if you start using words as often as possible, which both consciousness and subconsciousness will be interpreted in the same way. Do not forget that those around you, hearing your speech, perceive it on two levels – conscious and subconscious. By choosing your words carefully, you will begin to win more and more people towards you.
I experienced it myself when, while working on this book, I had to fly to New York for the Dr. Oz Show. I arrived at the airport not an hour before departure, but fifty minutes, and despite the fact that I was already checked in for the flight on the Internet, I was not allowed to pass without a printed boarding pass. The airport employee flatly refused to provide me with a paper boarding pass and even said: “You cannot fly this flight.” Hearing “you can’t,” I immediately began to think about how to overcome the obstacle that had arisen. Soon I figured out to buy from another airline the cheapest ticket to some completely unnecessary city for me and received a printed boarding pass, with which they let me through without any problems. And so I calmly walked to the plane that will fly to New York. On the face of a woman who said I couldn’t fly away bewilderment arose. And that was nice to me. It was even more pleasant to realize that now nothing will prevent me from participating in the Oz show.
So, get into this habit: as soon as you say “I can’t” or you are told “you can’t,” immediately understand it as a lie. Great way to look at problems from a completely different angle, right? Try not using “can’t” for a whole week. One could, of course, tell you, “You definitely cannot do this.” However, I’ll be honest with you and say, “It’s very difficult until you start practicing.”
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2. “It is necessary” (“it is necessary”, “it is necessary”, etc.)
These words are often spoken by adults when addressing children. For example, parents say: “We have to go, get ready. You need to put on a jacket. ” In fact, there is no question of any need, without which you would have died, just the parents wanted to leave, and if you had not put on a jacket before going out, you would have caught a cold. When the body receives an order with the words “need” or “need”, it perceives this as a requirement necessary to save life. This is how the deep levels of the subconscious part of your mind work, while the consciousness perfectly understands the true meaning of any “need” and “need”.
You probably use these words in a variety of circumstances. For example, you say “Got to eat” or “Got to buy a new coat.” But in fact, you do not need this, you are simply deceiving your own brain, and because of this it loses its strength. What you definitely cannot do without is oxygen (at least one breath per minute), water (at least once every five days) and food (at least once every two months so as not to die of hunger). All of these you really need, all of these are needs. Plus, you need a roof over your head and a way to keep you warm. Everything else is desires, not needs. That is why use the words “must” or “need” only as a last resort. In all other circumstances, be honest with yourself and say “I want,” “I wanted,” “this is my choice,” “I decided,” etc.
This is especially important for those who want to effectively manage people. We must always remember that our body systems are unable to sense the difference between a real and an imagined threat. Let’s say you tell your team that there are tasks to complete. If your subordinates were convinced that the life of each of them depends on the fulfillment of your order, sooner or later this would lead to panic and a lot of wrong actions, agree. Excessive psychological stress would not allow to work systematically and efficiently. You can easily get people to run in two ways: to scare them with something, or to show some very attractive target. Instead of telling my fellow Bulletproofs that we need to finish the job on a certain day with a nosebleed, I usually say: “This is a very important task for all of us guys. Let’s discuss the obstacles that might hinder us. What steps will allow you to overcome them? ” Speaking in this honest language, I immediately let people know that I am ready to deal with them in any difficulties that we may face. Alas, there are people who, having heard the word “must” from their boss, run towards the goal as stung, even though deep down they do not believe in its attainability. Please do not behave like that and do not force your charges to become so insane. Less “need” and “need”, more “want”, “plan”, etc. Alas, there are people who, having heard the word “must” from their boss, run towards the goal as stung, even though deep down they do not believe in its attainability. Please do not behave like that and do not force your charges to become so insane. Less “need” and “need”, more “want”, “plan”, etc. Alas, there are people who, having heard the word “must” from their boss, run towards the goal as stung, even though deep down they do not believe in its attainability. Please do not behave like that and do not force your charges to become so insane. Less “need” and “need”, more “want”, “plan”, etc.
Try not to use “must,” “must,” “must,” and similar words and phrases throughout the week. If you pay attention, you will notice that even in those cases when all these words seem to be irreplaceable, you are most likely just still guided by the habit of using them. For example, you say: “We have to go right now, otherwise the store will close and we will not buy anything.” In the second part of the phrase, it seems that what is stated in the first is reasonably justified. And yet there is a limited perception of the world and pessimism. But what if you just call the store and ask the sellers to close five minutes later than the set time? Or ask a friend to go there? This is more like free creative thinking and healthy relaxation, which have nothing to do with the mental cell called “must”.
3. “Bad” (“bad”, “bad”, etc.)
If you think objectively, then there are very few really bad things and events in life. “Bad” is often just your personal value judgment. Listening to it, the subconscious mind begins to prepare your psyche and biochemical processes in the body to face a serious threat. Most of the time, when you call something bad, you mean that you just don’t like it or you don’t want it. “I was planning to have a picnic, but it started raining. This is bad, ”you say. Although, in fact, some room is suitable for lunch, where, by the way, there will definitely be no ants. Anyway, you are lucky that today there is an opportunity to arrange a full-fledged snack for yourself. Is it worth saying in such a case that rainy weather is bad?
Another problem is that we often use the words “bad” or “bad” when we talk about food. It is worth remembering that different people like different foods, so it makes no sense to call a certain dish bad, as well as the person who likes this dish. Even eating something that is obviously harmful, like a vegan burger that contains MSG, is still better than being on the last legs of hunger. By uttering the word “bad”, you are setting your brain to be overly categorical. The world is not divided only into “bad” and “good”. Yes, there are certainly terrible things like violence or natural disasters.
But when it comes to our daily life, it is stupid to perceive everything that happens through a black and white filter. Hanging on some circumstance the label “bad”, you yourself create unnecessary difficulties and lose the chance to find out what benefit can be derived from this “bad”.
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4. “I will try” (“I will try”, “I will try”)
These words always reflect the likelihood of failure. Do you agree? Will you start to trust someone who says: “I’ll try to drive up to the airport tomorrow and give you a lift home when you arrive”? Judging by the wording, he may not come. It is better to trust someone who simply says that he will come to the airport and give a lift home. If you tell yourself that you will try to hold out on some kind of power system for so many days or try to read a book, then your subconscious mind will tune in to an unsuccessful outcome. And you will either have an attack of gluttony, or laziness and drowsiness will not allow you to master the required number of pages.
Remember, Master Yoda from Star Wars said, “Don’t try, do it! Or don’t. There can be no attempt. ”
In his speeches at various meetings and conferences when program issues are discussed, Jack Canfield demonstrates the power of “spineless words”, for example, as follows. He asks those in the audience to put a notebook, pen, or anything close at hand on their laps, and then pick it up. Then Jack again asks to put the object on his knees and says: “Now just try to pick it up.” Hearing this wording, everyone feels a little confused. Some people start to pick up the object, but they do not succeed as quickly as they did just half a minute ago: it seems that pens, pencils and notebooks have become a little heavier. All this because of one single word – “try”. Hearing him, the brain of each of those sitting in the hall immediately tuned in to the fact that the attempt could be unsuccessful.
If you want to improve fully, it’s best to stop making excuses for yourself. Encourage your brain to work as hard as possible. And this does not mean that you have to tackle dozens of tasks at once. Just be honest with yourself, do only those things that will have a significant positive impact on the development of your career and personal growth in general. Remember, Master Yoda from Star Wars said, “Don’t try, do it! Or don’t. There can be no attempt. ” He became wise and strong because he performed actions, not attempts. I advise you to take an example from him.
