Why they keep coming back when you move on.A story as old as the story of a servant. Men suddenly coming out of the woodwork after you’ve finally moved out.In the three real relationships and the multiple situations in which I have lived, this phenomenon has always been true. By the time I had completely let go of a desperate relationship and started living a busy life or even seeing someone new, the old boo returned.
It’s strange. As if they can sense that you are happy again and looking to ruin everything. But that’s probably not true… Even though some of them have definitely tried it.
So why do they keep coming back when you move on? Well I have some theories I want to share.
What keeps a man coming back after a breakup
He regrets breaking up
Duh, better! Of course, this is a very common reason why men keep coming back once you move on. After breaking up with you, he has time to think about the relationship and the breakup , but also about his life without you. And maybe he realized it was more fun with you.
This is when some men will get back to you to really kick start the relationship. He can send you a simple ‘how are you’ text, get right to the point and ask for reconciliation, or he can use an indirect approach by liking a photo or replying to your Instagram story.
If he regrets ditching you, he will try to come back into your life with small gestures that indicate he wants you to come back.
When it does, it’s up to you whether you even want to get back with your ex.
He is curious
Another reason they keep coming back when you move on is out of curiosity.
When a man breaks up with a woman he loved, either because he wasn’t ready to commit or because he was preoccupied with his single life, he would sometimes check in to see how you. go.
Not like “I care about you”, but more like “I just want to make sure your life isn’t cooler than mine”.
You will usually be able to tell because it will contact you out of the blue and once it has gathered enough information it will be gone just as quickly.
When this happens, it’s important to protect your peace and not over-sharing. You don’t owe him access to your life, and you can share as little as you want with him.
Remember, he’s not checking in with you because he cares about you, but because he wants to feel better about his decision to break up.
He plays games
Now, the latter is a step forward from reason number two. While the curious dude often checks in with you subconsciously and doesn’t even mean bad, this guy is manipulative .
He uses the revolving door of your life however he wants to keep you hooked. He will disappear and reappear whenever it suits him and use little excuses to keep in touch.
He knows that you are still emotionally hooked on him and wants this to continue in order to control you.
He’s the type of guy who’ll send you mixed messages about how you miss him and wish things could be different, but won’t make any effort to get back together.
He’s also the kind of man who will question you about your love life and make you ashamed of it.
However, just because he won’t let you go doesn’t mean he loves you or even wants to be with you. It just means that he wants to control you emotionally and so that he can come back into your life whenever he wants.
When is no contact working
I have to be completely honest with you ladies. I don’t really like the “no contact” rule . I recognize its importance and effectiveness, however, I think “the rule” is stupid.
Especially when it is used as a method of manipulation to get your ex back. Because then it doesn’t work. The “no-contact rule” isn’t meant to be punishment for your ex, but it is meant to give you space and time to let go of him.
Yes. The no-contact rule should be used to clarify the relationship and the breakup, not to strategize to get it back.
I understand this is a serious thought on your part, however, if you focus on your ex and everything you do is obsessive over him. There is a good chance that you will mess things up once this period is over.
Therefore, the contactless rule does not work when you use it as a method to retrieve it.
How to deal with an ex’s return
Different dating coaches have different philosophies when it comes to exes. In most cases, they will suggest ignoring it if it’s within the 30-day no-contact period. Others will suggest that you always respond to show you maturity.
I say it depends.
I don’t believe in strict dating rules because every situation is different. However, I believe that when you interact with him you should act out of abundance and clarity rather than scarcity and anxiety.
Therefore, to deal with an ex’s return, you need to know 100% why you are responding to their “how are you?” text.
If you answer him out of fear, he might forget about you, or you might miss your chance if you don’t make him happy, then it’s not the right decision.
However, if you are in a good emotional and mental situation and you don’t care about the outcome of the conversation because you know your worth and won’t beg, then go ahead and respond as you see fit.
This means you can respond right away and start a conversation, or you can wait a few hours / days if that’s not right for you at the moment.
Just because your ex has come back into your life doesn’t mean you have to move heaven and earth to create space for him.
Should I take my ex back
Of course, it completely depends on why you broke up.
Generally speaking, you only want to try a relationship a second time if you feel confident that the challenges you faced before can now be resolved.
Which means that you both understand how you contributed to the failure of the relationship? And if so, did you find a solution together? If you haven’t, there’s a good chance the relationship will be good for a while before the problems from the past reappear.