In the series of stories, women answer readers’ questions every week about sex, relationships, and other aspects of life!
“Why are women jealous of their own friendships? In a circle of friends, for example, Satu, Maija and Kaisa are a trio, but when only two of the group spend time together, the third becomes jealous of the other ,” wonders the nickname Harmonic .
This is how the women’s jury responded
“I’ve come across the same phenomenon with certain guys, but I don’t fully understand it. I guess there’s some fear of loss and rejection behind it. And maybe it’s the fear of missing out on something nice.”
– 31, single
” Even if you see pictures of other people having a night out together on social media , it makes you feel abandoned. That ‘why wasn’t I included’ feeling. Of course, this doesn’t apply to all friends, but only to close friends. It has also happened to me in my close friends that person X, for their own reasons, doesn’t want me to go out for a night out, and people Y and Z agree to it. When you later find out about such a situation by accident, it feels painful.”
– 31, in a relationship
“I think the crux of this problem is that women overanalyze things. When two people are spending time together, the third person can’t help but analyze the situation, and all sorts of nasty thoughts can come to mind about what the two of them are discussing behind their backs. A little tip: Stop overanalyzing, ladies!”
– 29, married
“I’m extremely jealous, now that I’m older I’ve realized it better and I try to avoid showing it. When I was younger, if I heard that one of my friends had seen our acquaintance without me, I could cry all night, saying ‘everyone hates me’. So I was always there when asked. Nowadays, I might not be able to come because of work, so I want to know exactly what my friends are doing. I text them all the time. If I don’t hear back, I feel the sting: ‘Now they’re having so much fun without me.'”
– 29, in a relationship
“I feel that it is incredibly important for women to create a very trusting and deep relationship with another person. No one wants to be left out or to be in someone else’s territory. When there are three friends, a woman may be afraid of falling completely out of the loop if her friends ever spend time alone without her. The next time they see the three of them, the other two may talk to each other about ‘the last time’, and the three of them will no longer be in touch. At that point, this ‘outsider’ may feel like they have been completely left out and not liked as much anymore.
Women often form best friend relationships, where there are two people, not three. And when women are best friends, there’s no room for a third person. The two have their own things. I guess that’s a big reason why women get jealous in those situations. They’re afraid of being left alone. On the other hand, I don’t think many people think like that anymore as adults. People have their own busy lives, and I’m sure everyone understands if two of the three want to spend time together sometimes.”
– 22, in a relationship