Some believe that self-love is a futile or even selfish pursuit. Others think that Psychology’s calls to love us are empty and meaningless phrases. But the truth is that we have to spend our whole life with ourselves, so it is better to cultivate a good relationship with our “I”, to be able to forgive and encourage ourselves in the darkest moments. All of this boils down to self-love.
In fact, scientific research has shown that self-love is an essential aspect of life: it not only improves our health and increases longevity, but it also motivates us to improve, grow as people, and stand up for our assertive rights .
Unfortunately, many times society puts so much pressure on us to achieve a certain status that we focus too much on failures and ignore the areas where we grew up. This pursuit of social success can cause us to forget about meeting our basic needs, such as psychological security or time for ourselves. Self-love is a change in the rules of the game.
What is self love?
Self-love is a state of self-appreciation that feeds on all those actions that favor our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. It involves taking us into account and ensuring our well-being and happiness.
It means recognizing our needs and taking care to satisfy them, avoiding sacrificing our well-being to please others. It also means understanding our worth as individuals and being willing to protect it. It means not settling for less than what we deserve.
Self-love is treating ourselves with kindness, respect, and compassion. Focus on what is good for us and strive to grow every day. Therefore, it is an essential pillar of our mental balance and supports our emotional well-being.
What is self-love for? Its huge advantages
• Less stress, more resilience
Stress is triggered when we feel we are not up to the challenges we face. But when we have enough self-respect, we feel more confident about ourselves, so we will have more strength to face those challenges and they will scare us less.
Also, negative feelings about yourself and critical thoughts increase stress. But when we feel comfortable in our own skin, we find it easier to solve problems, are more confident in our abilities, and become more resilient in the face of adversity.
• More empathy and better relationships
Contrary to what many think, the person with self-respect is not selfish, on the contrary, they develop greater empathy. Seeing and accepting herself as he is, with his strengths and weaknesses, she can also be more understanding of the mistakes and struggles of others.
Self-love goes hand-in-hand with compassion and appreciation, not only for oneself but for those around us as well. Therefore, having self-love is not a narcissistic act, rather it helps us put ourselves in another person’s shoes, strengthens emotional ties and, in the long run, improves relationships.
• Increased well-being thanks to healthy limits
A dishonest “yes” to something we don’t want to do equals an honest “no” to ourselves. Many times we think that saying “yes” to everything and always being willing to help is a virtue. However, one of the keys to self-love is knowing where to put our energy and when it’s time to say “no.”
As a result, self-love becomes our shield. Not only does it allow us to protect ourselves from people who try to manipulate us, but it is also a protection against ourselves, when we try to go beyond our possibilities or when we neglect ourselves. Therefore, self-love helps us set healthy boundaries to protect our well-being.
What does it mean to have self love? Love each other without exaggerating
Unlike selfishness or narcissism, which involve excessive self-identification, self-love is a positive trait. In fact, while self-love acts as a pillar of mental health, narcissism affects our emotional balance and our relationships.
Being selfish or narcissistic is going too far with self-love. That person is so closed in on himself that he can’t be empathetic and put himself in other people’s shoes because he thinks the world revolves around him. On the other hand, those with self-esteem love and prioritize themselves, but since at the same time they feel confident and self-assured enough, they are also capable of maintaining healthy and satisfying relationships with others.
The secret to not falling into selfishness is to balance the love we feel for other people, especially those close to us, with the love we should feel for ourselves. In this way we will not sin of narcissism, but neither will we continually relegate ourselves to the background.
Of course, self-love can be expressed in a thousand different ways:
- Talk to each other with love and patience
- Treat us with kindness and benevolence
- Prioritize our needs
- Chasing our dreams
- Distance yourself from excessive self-criticism
- Trust more in ourselves
- Be true to our values and beliefs
- Establish healthy boundaries to protect ourselves from toxic people and environments
- Forgive ourselves when we make a mistake
- Listen to our body and our emotions
- Take a break from work to relax and disconnect
- Take care of our physical and mental health
However, it should be clarified that regardless of the ways to cultivate and express self-love, this must always go through acceptance. Loving ourselves involves acknowledging and embracing our lights and darks, as well as taking care of ourselves and striving to bring out our best version, but without subjecting ourselves to harmful stresses. Self-love encompasses not only how we treat ourselves, but also the feelings we have about ourselves and the thoughts we direct ourselves.
Self-love involves having an overall positive self-image, but that doesn’t mean we feel optimistic or content with who we are or what we do all the time. Having these kinds of expectations would simply be unrealistic and end up harming us. We can feel momentarily upset, angry, or disappointed in ourselves and still respect ourselves. Indeed, self-love is precisely what allows us to forgive ourselves and make decisions that favor our well-being to move forward in the most difficult moments. After all, as Oscar Wilde wrote, “Loving yourself is the beginning of an adventure that lasts a lifetime”.