Serenity is when what you say, what you think, what you do, are in perfect harmony.” Mahatma Gandhi
Because of the society we live in and the toxic people we are sometimes forced to associate with, it becomes increasingly difficult to be at peace within . We get so caught up in the frenetic pace that sometimes, when we have some time to ourselves, we even feel guilty that we should be doing something more productive. Other times the cause of the lack of serenity is to be found within ourselves.
Either way, there is something wrong, a sense of restlessness, mental noise, confusion, tiredness and unhappiness .
A restless mind gives no rest. It makes us jump from one concern to another, until we weave such intricate webs in our minds that we lose inner peace, but the time comes when we need to stop and recover it.
What is Inner Peace?
Inner peace is a subjective feeling of general physical well-being, but above all of mental and psychological calm and abandonment of all negative feelings.
It is a state that fills us with deep tranquility, in which we are freed from our main worries, stresses, sufferings and daily conflicts.
But inner peace can be even more, in fact it also implies being aware of the wonders of life and feeling fully connected to the universe and to ourselves.
Where to find inner peace?
Inner peace is something we find within ourselves . Peace, which is achieved by avoiding reality and problems, is a fake peace that will end as soon as adversity knocks at our door.
This means that inner peace is not only built when we are peaceful and calm, but also in the midst of life’s difficulties .
To find inner peace, you need to do work on yourself to:
- realizing that only we are able to control our emotional responses and reactions;
- let go of guilt, judgment and complaints.
In this article I describe the steps to find your way back to that peace of mind that has incredible beneficial effects.
Conquer the serenity of a Zen monk in 9 steps
1. Locus of control
The mind says, “When everything falls into place, I will find peace.”
The spirit says, “Find peace and everything will be fine.”
Pay attention, are you more identified with your mind or with your soul? Are you one of those people who find it impossible to achieve inner peace because life is too difficult? True, life is very complex but a lot depends on you and your locus of control. The locus of control is the perception you have about the control of events.
What happens to you depends on you and your behaviors? Or does it depend on external causes independent of you?
When you choose an external locus of control, every situation has the power to negatively affect you and make you lose your temper, you will never find peace, because you will think about possible misfortunes. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to achieve inner peace.
If instead of reacting, you take control , choosing an internal locus of control , and decide how to approach problems by taking over the reins of your life, you can aspire to develop lasting inner peace . By choosing an internal locus of control, you can decide which battles are worth fighting.
Therefore, inner peace is a personal choice, it’s something you can consciously build by putting into practice behaviors and thoughts that make you serene.
2. Slow down
Living in a hurry amplifies and confuses emotions. By slowing down your movements while doing something and the way you talk, you will automatically reduce your mental and physical fatigue and your stress levels.
By slowing down you will be more in tune with yourself and fewer problems will accumulate in your mind and you will be able to perceive all the details better.
3. Simplify your life and your environment
Would you like the day to have more than 24 hours? Maybe it’s time to stop and ask yourself if you’re doing what you enjoy or if you’re wasting your time. Maybe it’s time to simplify your life and have more energy for the things that really matter to you and bring you happiness and fulfillment.
Here are some ways:
- Solve your problems as soon as possible, even if you don’t like the solution or find it difficult to accept . By solving a problem you will get rid of stress. Conversely, the more time you wait, the more complicated the situation and the decision to make will become, and the more difficult it will be to accept the consequences.
- Don’t make a drama out of every little problem . Problems arise every day and some are more important than others. Learn to ask yourself if, in fact, this is an important issue and if it has enough weight to be a problem in 5 weeks or 5 months.
- Put order, cleanliness and simplicity in the environment around you because the simpler the environment around you, the less chance you will have of distracting yourself and turning everything into chaos . And while you order, eliminate what is not essential and which brings back bad memories. It will help you maintain clarity at the level of the mind.
4. Build protective walls
Your mind can also be restless because maybe you are very permeable to the worries, selfishness and interests of those around you.
When the negative energy of others breaks into you, it mixes with your personal weaknesses and takes away your strength.
It is necessary that you learn to build walls of protection from what is not in harmony with you.
This doesn’t mean you have to avoid problems, but you also don’t have to deal with selfishness or false interests, with people who don’t respect you or who cause storms during your calm days.
5. Stop in the present moment and breathe
Most of the time we worry about something that belongs to the past or something that maybe will happen in the future.
Living in the present, on the other hand, will allow you to find peace in whatever you are doing. Only in the present moment can you plant the seeds for your future and only in the present can you achieve true inner peace . In the now there is only silence, and it is within that silence that peace can be discovered. So learn to master your mind and lead it to the here and now, the only place where there is real life.
Stop and become aware of the breath.
Now inhale deeply and hold your breath for five seconds, then exhale for a long time .
This simple exercise helps clear your mind and allows you to find calm.
6. Accept and let go
“By letting go, we become free to use all our mental power to enjoy this moment and create a wonderful future.” (Louise Hay)
But what are we to let go? Pretty much everything!
To find serenity in life it is essential to practice acceptance and detachment from:
- Unattainable goals you set for yourself and beliefs that view you a certain way . Accept who you are and become consistent with yourself, aligning what you say with what you do.
- Negative thoughts and emotions such as anger and resentment. Accept them and learn to live them, only in this way will you take away the power they now have over you.
- The need to change others and the obsession with control. If you can change one thing, change it. If you can’t do anything, there’s no point in worrying.
- The fear of making mistakes and the fear of judgment.
- The need to always be right.
- The thought that it’s too late or too early for you to do anything.
- The situations and people who, instead of enriching you , suck up all your energy.
- And above all let go of destructive criticism, because it not only harms the person criticized but also you, plunging yourself into a state of permanent dissatisfaction. It doesn’t mean that you have to accept everything, but differentiate between constructive criticism that underpins positive change and destructive criticism whose consequences are always negative.
7. Cultivate gratitude and forgiveness
Through gratitude you create the conditions to develop greater inner serenity and by forgiving (yourself and others) you no longer allow anyone to destroy your peace.
There’s always something to be grateful for, you just have to learn to appreciate the things you may take for granted, like feeling good physically or having people who love you and you love next to you, but also a sunny day and a good meal.
When you start feeling grateful for what you have, you rediscover a new inner balance. Obviously, it will be easier to be grateful for the happy experiences in your life, but also learning to thank and forgive your “enemies” or painful experiences will nourish your peace, not allowing external situations to ruin it.
8. Find relaxation that works
Meditating or practicing relaxation for at least a few minutes a day can change your life , in all areas, and bring great benefits.
There are several effective ways to relax and some are even quick : listening to music, walking, running, yoga, meditation, conscious breathing, coloring, etc.
Find what works for you and put it into practice. If you then have more techniques available to apply in a targeted way, you will experience even more easily that fundamental contact with yourself and that feeling of peace.
9. Make time for silence and introspection
Spend fewer hours listening to negative news and more time inside yourself. Once a day immerse yourself in total silence. Relax in silence and turn off your fears and internal voices to get in touch with your needs and calm your restless mind.
About once a month , for at least one full day, try isolating yourself at home or in a monastery or on a hike in the mountains. Make sure no one is bothering you, turn off your smartphone notifications and any other possible sources of distraction. Dedicate this day to introspection and silence , doing as many of these activities as possible:
- Wake up and go to bed early .
- Meditate , even just 10 minutes, maybe several times.
- Prepare your meals with joy and care , as if you were cooking for someone special who is coming to dinner, and eat slowly , savoring every bite.
- Read a transformative book.
- Observe nature trying to capture its details.
- If you know yoga , practice it, or do some physical activity.
- Listen and reflect on your basic sensations such as hunger, thirst and boredom.
- Think about the existential questions and those to get to know yourself (what you are looking for, what you don’t want, what your aspirations are) and answer them in writing sincerely and spontaneously.
Inner peace is not achieved in a few hours but it is necessary to work on ourselves and on our awareness.
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If you want to tell me something about your research path or about your experience with the day of silence, use the comments below the article.