We like each other but we work together.Discover the challenges and benefits of working with someone you like in a professional setting.
Falling in love can happen in places you least expect it, like at work. However, relationships can have a negative impact on the atmosphere in a team, and disagreements in the office can affect matters of the heart. A psychologist and HR consultant explain how to maintain peace in the professional sphere and love beyond it.
Why can relationships with a coworker be difficult?
Each person has several social roles: wife or husband, mother or father, daughter or son, employee, captain of the volleyball team. In each of the roles, we have a different model of behavior, and from one model we switch to another. For example, when coming home from work, a person stops distributing tasks and monitoring the result and becomes empathetic, attentive and sympathetic.
When partners work together, it is more difficult to separate roles, and an imbalance in one direction can occur. For example, an employee, due to emotional involvement in relation to a partner, makes concessions to him at work. Efficiency drops, and deadlines are violated. Or vice versa: a person can be too strict and picky in personal relationships due to joint projects at work.
Some couples find it difficult to stop discussing work. They do not separate professional and romantic relationships. Because of this, problems arise in both areas.
If partners work together, it is very important for them to set boundaries. So that it is clear to everyone: now we communicate as colleagues, and a request, criticism or comment relates to the professional sphere.
When is it better not to start a relationship at work?
It is not advisable to build a romantic relationship between a manager and an employee who reports directly to him/her. Firstly, the manager has more power, so it is difficult to say whether this case is considered harassment.Often, large international companies do not allow “manager – subordinate” relationships and ask to inform the HR department if relationships arise between employees.
Relationships are acceptable if:
– employees are in different departments that do not intersect in any way in work tasks;
– employees are in equal positions in the same department or in different departments with intersecting tasks.
However, managers or HR should always be ready to resolve controversial and conflicting issues that may interfere with work.
Problems may arise when your roles in a relationship and at work are in great conflict. For example, in a relationship you want to be a supportive and understanding partner, but at work you and your lover occupy positions that compete with each other. These roles can greatly interfere with both your work tasks and your investment in the relationship.
Of course, you can try to clearly separate which moments you and your partner leave “at home” and which at work. But if you find it difficult to combine two diametrically opposed roles, it is better not to build a relationship with a colleague. You will feel uncomfortable in both roles, limit yourself and risk harming your psyche.
Much depends on personal qualities and boundaries. If you feel awkward and ashamed when you imagine how colleagues, friends, acquaintances find out about you and your partner, it is better not to enter into a relationship either. Because they can cause more discomfort than pleasure.
What rules should a couple follow at work?
Agree on how you will interact . At the beginning of the relationship, it is better to discuss important points: what is acceptable for you and your partner at work, and what at home? What is unacceptable? How will you act during conflicts? Will you talk about your relationship with other colleagues?
Leave work at work, and relationships in relationships. At work, try to stick to professional roles. It is better not to discuss what you talk about at home and devote time to tasks. If you discuss work at home, try to do it from the position of partners, and not work roles. For example, supporting your loved one after a hard day is normal, but you should not think about how to solve his problem from the point of view of your professional position.
This rule especially applies to the “manager – subordinate” relationship. You need to delineate your work responsibilities and romantic relationships as clearly as possible: what tasks should you perform as a manager? Are you making concessions for your partner? Try to evaluate professional activities.
It can be difficult to combine two roles at once. If you feel that the relationship is causing problems at work, it is better to quit or transfer to another position within the company where your work tasks will not overlap.
Do not take advantage of your work position. For example, do not manipulate your partner’s feelings to get what you want at work. This can ruin both work and romantic relationships and harm everyone.