The scene we can imagine is quite common: a small child with tears streaking his face because he does not want to eat, an average child who is sulking because he does not want to go to bed, and a decidedly older child who does not squash a word because he quarreled with his friend, the best friend, of course.
Three difficult situations to manage all together, in a preferably evening time, when the patience even by adults has already been gone for a while. At best, mom and dad make it: take a deep breath, grab the youngest in their arms, wrap their medium and large children in an embrace, propose to see an episode of a somewhat funny TV series and then all in bed. Convinced that it ended there. But no.
Because a single hug, much less a moment in front of the TV, can be enough to restore peace in the family. The point is not the embrace itself, nor the choice to lift the spirit by relying on the jokes of others. The most important issue, and so far left out, concerns the number of gestures we make to remedy or solve a problem.
“Ignoring the problem, you don’t need to. If anything, it only serves to put it off – explains Kelly Holmes author of Happy you, happy family – Because on waking up, the problems will still be there, between you and your children even if you have pretended nothing. ” Kelly Holmes, however, in his blog says he has found a prodigious solution to family conflicts, with a lot of scientific reference.
According to her, what is needed is to put into practice the Gottman method hitherto applied to the solution of conflicts between husband and wife. This is the 5: 1 rule, the one that according to the researchers allows to put an end to all the problems of the couple in the correct way. It is very simple to remember: each negative action must correspond to five positive actions. This is the only way to bring everything back into balance.
For Kelly Holmes, the recipe for happiness as a couple also applies in relationships with children because it works on the power of connection. “The researchers – writes Kelly Holmes – have focused on adult relationships, but every parent must also know with their children works the same way: every negative interaction creates a distance. The good news is that by applying the same rule, even parent-child relationships can adjust. ”
Finding five positive actions is not that difficult, there are many small gestures that can do for us when when someone in the house is in crisis and the risk of “contagion” is high. It starts from the embrace (which must last at least six seconds) and from the smile, then there are sentences that help to increase self-esteem (“I am proud of you”, “I love you”) but also games to be done together without distractions. Basically it is a matter of finding a way to spend time together, doing things that reconnect the family: reading a book together, looking at a photo album, going out for a walk hand in hand, playing a joke contest.
By putting at least five of these tips together you can positively archive each long face and find peace in the family.
