The importance of friendship during adolescence

For the children of today’s family, the bond of friendship with peers is born very early. The reasons go beyond the real needs and intentions of the children. Socialization is promoted from an early age as a privileged growth experience. While parents work, children attend peers in kindergarten, nursery and primary schools, but also in scheduled activities in the second part of the afternoon. The friendship and social precocity of the boys and girls of the new millennium is the fruit of the educational model from which they come. They were children who spent many hours a day immersed in relationships with peers. They learned early on to establish good relationships, drawing emotional nourishment and becoming socially very competent.

ADOLESCENCE

What do our kids need? New teenagers explained to parents and teachers

Best friend and company

In the various stages of adolescent development, friendships take on peculiar connotations. Among the wide range of companions, especially in pre-adolescence, a friendship and a privileged relationship is established with the friend of the heart. The quality of the exclusive bond with childhood parents is transferred into the relationship with the best friend, taking on phase-specific characteristics and becoming functional to growth. The social skills acquired by the children then allow them to ferry from groups organized and managed by adults to spontaneous ones. The group of friends, first monosexual and then mixed, becomes the springboard towards the exploration of the outside world.

Friendship “on life”

The concerns of parents, and adults in general, towards the outside world, perceived as increasingly dangerous, have contributed, in recent decades, to the closure of spaces for spontaneous socialization. Thus, the last few generations of teenagers have replaced outdoor experiences with those made possible by the internet. From the free body to play and express oneself in courtyards and gardens, we have moved on to virtual battles and squares, the only possible environments in which to experiment in spaces not manned by adults. Here it is possible to face the challenges of growth, safeguarding the body that remains sheltered in your room. Social networks and video games allow you to stay in touch, keeping existing friendships active and starting new ones. The network becomes a place in which to experiment in the realization of evolutionary tasks. A gym where you can try your hand at friends and couples relationships.

Peer addiction?

However, as adolescence approaches, parents’ indulgence in the time their children devote to friends often ceases. The search for peers, both live and through virtual instruments, is interpreted as a source of distraction that takes away from duties and studying. Today’s adolescents, grown up in a family and extra-family climate with a high emotional intensity, are not used to experiencing boredom and loneliness. Even studying cannot be an isolated experience but needs an online window always in connection with the world of peers.

In adolescence, having many friends and a large number of contacts mitigates the fear of being alone, testifies to one’s social success and provides the recognition needed to feel worthy. It has always been like this, but for those who grew up immersed, from an early age, in a bath of friendships, it is even more significant.

Matteo Lancini

Psychologist and psychotherapist. President of the “ Minotauro ” Foundation of Milan. Lecturer at the Department of Psychology of the Milano-Bicocca University. Author of numerous publications on adolescence, the most recent: Social withdrawal in adolescents. The loneliness of a hyper-connected generation (Raffaello Cortina, 2019). What our kids need. New teenagers explained to parents, teachers, adults . (Utet, 2020).

 

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